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NOTHING BETTER

seenoffteefcuk

War Hero
After consuming several bottles of brown ale last night i decided upon a spicy little number from my local indians.
Earlier this morning in work i felt the well known feeling stirring in my stomach it was time carry out domestics.
my question is this.
Is there anything better than the cold, cooling splashback from a toilet landing directly on your chilli assaulted hoop.
 

Rumrat

War Hero
seenoffteefcuk said:
After consuming several bottles of brown ale last night i decided upon a spicy little number from my local indians.
Earlier this morning in work i felt the well known feeling stirring in my stomach it was time carry out domestics.
my question is this.
Is there anything better than the cold, cooling splashback from a toilet landing directly on your chilli assaulted hoop.

You could shove your asre in the fridge and get your boyfriend/wife to pack their knob/strap on in the freezer and you get a really "cool" shag.
Or shove an ice cube up your hoop. :roll: :wink: :D

On a serious note, we told a young bit of skin to do the ice cube up hoop stunt in Honkey Fid after he had eaten a really hot curry.
So he did, his ring went numb as with toothpaste and he sh1t himself on the bridgewing during the first dog. Plenty of witnesses about at that time, classic.
 

2_deck_dash

War Hero
I particularly like it when the flusher is broken and you have been putting off the dump for a while.

As you run inside to discover a pre-laid Cleveland steamer sat in yellowy copper coloured water as the turd has secreted it's colourful content into the bog water whilst mixed with someone else's piss. You just know that despite your best efforts to keep your bowels contained, you are going to have to top up this bog with your own offering of arse juice.

The feeling is un-describable as the first spicy stream of shit hits the water sending a jet of another man's piss and turd juice up your smiling hoop, gently cooling the heat on your sausage cutter.

I love it.
 

Blackrat

War Hero
Moderator
Book Reviewer
seenoffteefcuk said:
Is there anything better than the cold, cooling splashback from a toilet landing directly on your chilli assaulted hoop.

Yep. Watching it happen from under the glass topped coffee table.
 

tug1970

Lantern Swinger
You could always put the loo roll in the fridge with E45. Ah Sssssssssssss
as cools when wipe. :D :D :D
 
I like pissing on old turds and watching them break up thereby revealing wot the sad lazy fuckers heve eaten the day before. Especially the gorilla sized ones complete with the owners backbone minus a couple of veribra
 

Tanzi

Lantern Swinger
You know that bloke you can't stand ? He's taller than you, fitter than you, earns fuckin more than you, gives you the irrits every fuckin day ?

Nothing beats shaggin his missus, trust me. 8)
 
G

guestm

Guest
Tanzi said:
You know that bloke you can't stand ? He's taller than you, fitter than you, earns * more than you, gives you the irrits every * day ?

Nothing beats shaggin his missus, trust me. 8)

I find there is one thing that beats the above. A few weeks after you've ploughed her in her husbands bed; there is the cheeky bonus of the chance meeting in the street when they are both lovingly looking for Christmas presents. Approaching, you smile warmly and say hi. Holding them in a long, drawn out uncomfortable conversation, where she introduces you to hubby and is forced to invent where she knows you from. The pinnacle is when this whole heart warming episode culminates in her dragging husband away while he invites you round for tea.


It's fcuking ace.
 

off_les_aura

War Hero
Blackrat said:
seenoffteefcuk said:
Is there anything better than the cold, cooling splashback from a toilet landing directly on your chilli assaulted hoop.

Yep. Watching it happen from under the glass topped coffee table.

JonnoJonno.....is that you? Fuck, I think Blackrat's been possessed
 

Blackrat

War Hero
Moderator
Book Reviewer
off_les_aura said:
Blackrat said:
seenoffteefcuk said:
Is there anything better than the cold, cooling splashback from a toilet landing directly on your chilli assaulted hoop.

Yep. Watching it happen from under the glass topped coffee table.

JonnoJonno.....is that you? Fuck, I think Blackrat's been possessed

Nope. It's me. I do sometimes let myself go old chap.
 
Montigny-La-Palisse said:
Tanzi said:
You know that bloke you can't stand ? He's taller than you, fitter than you, earns * more than you, gives you the irrits every * day ?

Nothing beats shaggin his missus, trust me. 8)

I find there is one thing that beats the above. A few weeks after you've ploughed her in her husbands bed; there is the cheeky bonus of the chance meeting in the street when they are both lovingly looking for Christmas presents. Approaching, you smile warmly and say hi. Holding them in a long, drawn out uncomfortable conversation, where she introduces you to hubby and is forced to invent where she knows you from. The pinnacle is when this whole heart warming episode culminates in her dragging husband away while he invites you round for tea.


It's fcuking ace.
:D Done it a coupe of times but I always give the game away by blushing but at least she gets a good kicking when he gets her home
 

JonnoJonno

Banned
off_les_aura said:
Blackrat said:
seenoffteefcuk said:
Is there anything better than the cold, cooling splashback from a toilet landing directly on your chilli assaulted hoop.

Yep. Watching it happen from under the glass topped coffee table.

JonnoJonno.....is that you? Fuck, I think Blackrat's been possessed

Not me mate; I remove the glass.
 

Stirling

Banned
Montigny-La-Palisse said:
Tanzi said:
You know that bloke you can't stand ? He's taller than you, fitter than you, earns * more than you, gives you the irrits every * day ?

Nothing beats shaggin his missus, trust me. 8)

I find there is one thing that beats the above. A few weeks after you've ploughed her in her husbands bed; there is the cheeky bonus of the chance meeting in the street when they are both lovingly looking for Christmas presents. Approaching, you smile warmly and say hi. Holding them in a long, drawn out uncomfortable conversation, where she introduces you to hubby and is forced to invent where she knows you from. The pinnacle is when this whole heart warming episode culminates in her dragging husband away while he invites you round for tea.


It's fcuking ace.

Or be brave, grab the bloke by the throat and ask '' Ave u bin fcukin my missus'' ? '' nnno'' '' you might as well as she is a better fcuk than yours''
 
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