Shepherds may well watch flocks at night, On the ground,... or otherwise seated, but for some it's the pits, it gives them the shits, It reminds them their missus has cheated. You can stuff your away in a manger, It sounds like Geordie to me, Those bad speaking fuckers get in on it all, We might well hang the buggers from our tree. Oh come all ye faithful is bollocks, Mary learnt all her morals from tars, She did more shaggin, well out of watch, Than Nissan have built fuckin cars. Oh little town of Bethlehem, for fuck sake what a drag, Just one pub, and another green rub, Was there was no one there to shag. All the women were acting like virgins, Acting virtuous ( doing it in shifts) Hoping some kings would happen their way, With a shit load of real divs gifts. But Joseph well what a real sucker, His story it near broke my heart, Getting stuck with a paternity order, And he didn't get a shag from his tart. And although it don't say in the bible, He took to the bottle poor soul, Every night he got pissed, its the shag that he missed, Mary had someone else in her hole. And when she got preggers it freaked him, Knowing some fucker had dropped one inside, It would never be ok and he welcomed the day, The poor sprog got himself crucified. But at least old Joseph loved Christmas, Although the nookie he missed, Mary got him great pressies from Argos, And he had an excuse to get pissed.