non - PC 'conquests'

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Kurtz, Aug 17, 2007.

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  1. You know the sort - ever shagged your cousin / sister-in-law / ex- / cripple / office junior etc?

    A 'work associate' of mine married his cousin, who had 4 kids by a 2nd cousin, against the wishes of his family (wonder why?)

    Another 'work associate' bagged a bird who was carrying an automated drug-dispensing gadget in her handbag - she had terminal cancer. Died within the week. Don't laugh, it's true...

    A third 'associate' was stern-tubing a young 'lady' when (in his drunken state) discovered that the 'lady' in question had a toggle-and-two. Good egg as he is, gave 'her' a reach-around.

    Anyway, this is Diamond Lils - any more?
  2. Ooooo... er.... I've got nothing to contribute... :oops:
  3. Practically every one of mine comes into that category mate ... don't know where to start

  4. My dad's related to my mother through another marriage in the family.

    Alway's wondered why I have 6 fingers on each hand...
  5. You dont come from Portland do you?
  6. Only if I had my brief with me.
  7. I Shagged a French Bird once. :w00t:
  8. Have just choked on my pint of apples. Fucking quality.
  9. Did a deaf and dumb girl once.......she made some really fcuking strange noises...I assume it was through pleasure, but the truth is, I'll never really know! :-(
  10. There goes another pint...

    Twats, the pair of you!
  11. During High School, i was always treated with disdain by this one girl. All high and mighty, one night she was in the neighborhood where i happened to live, and wanted a space to sleep. I bluntly told her "sex or else you sleep outside" (she just happened to knock on my door for some strange reason).

    Not only did i grudge fuck her, but she wouldn't leave me alone after that. She must have liked it...
  12. Ahhhhh "Pig of the Port" contests, been involved in a few of those, it's amazing what can go on in the deep six alongside...[​IMG]

    Met this girl in Workington, brought her back to the boat, turned down the lights in the accommodation space, said some pleasantries and then wham, same fucking surname as mine...freaked me right out, had to run back to the pub and clear my system....[​IMG]
  13. Falmouth, young lady with a hump back, down to the beach dig a hole, line her up and lay her down, no probs.


    PS Nearly won Boot Hill of the commision with her.
  14. I remember getting a taxi back to the Cherry B when we were in Hull circa 1978 and it was 3 women and myself. I was pretty pissed and thought I was on for a good night (obviously) at their place? Was fondling away with the two girls in the back and having a great time. :thumright:

    It was only when the taxi stopped and I realised I was back in King George V dock and the foursome was not gonna happen that my smile wavered. It wavered even more when I looked at one of the girls I was happily breast and nipple tweaking and saw she was a thalidomide.

    Was an eventful 15 minute taxi journey anyway and I had some fun, but not sure if she did. :) Her mate seemed quite happy though. ;-)
  15. You just had to bring that back up, didn't you higgy? Just as the rest of us had managed to forget your sordid past.
  16. Just remembered having a Norweign bird with a broken arm when in Tonsberg.
    We did it on the kitchen floor as her mate was in the bed next door.

    She kept clonking me on the head with the cast so I put her hand under the table leg to stop her arm going up and down. She insisted on eating a gerkin at the same time for some strange reason, cant stand them meself.

    Gave her a set of Dolphins for her troubles
  17. At Wroughton there was a RAF nurse with Alapisia. She was popular with the lads and pretty. They all tried to get her wig off to see if she had more hair than Duncan Goodhew, usualy when she was making the appropriate noises and on the vinager stroke.
  18. Part 1
    Went on a course to a pongo camp, chock full of WRACs (Weekly Ration Of Army C@!#), all V impressed with roughy toughy commando rig, Green Lid Flashes, etc. Pulled one first night in the NAAFI, result, where to do the deed though her grot or mine well ever the gent I suggested my gaff shared with three pongoes, who had the nerve to moan about the noise, "TSK are you finished yet!"!!
    TWAT should have gone to hers her grot mate was essence and I'm sure could have been persauded to join in (What , dreams are free!), plus the pongoes dripped like feck for the rest of the course.

    Part 2
    While the rest of Company was away doing Mountain Warfare Training in the Highlands, me with broken arm (Alcohol..Long and very Steep stairs, you guess the rest.) was back in Condor assigned to Base Company as general dogsbody/tea wallah for the 2 weeks.
    Anyhoo out on the lash I do the impossible and pull, back to hers, MARRIED QUARTERS!! Feck this is not good thinks me but cock rules brain so in we go, she puts on some music, dims the lights etc but not before I see the fizzog of a Section Commander of another section/Troop in my Company beaming out at me from their wedding photo and a Brownie uniform draped over the sofa..I'm glad to say that I asked her where the toilet was and scarpered. Soft cock I know, but that was going a bit low, even for me..If only she'd have hidden the photo and maybe put on the Brownie Uniform.
  19. After a few ales on a run ashore in Auckland NZ a mate and I went twos up on a LWRENSBA. She was keen as mustard but in the morning she was more than a little embarrassed by her wanton behaviour of the prevoius night and couldn't get us out the door fast enough.

    A couple of days later I copped a spray of hydraulic oil in the face and went up to the RNZN hospital to get my eyes flushed out. No prizes for guessing who was detailed to do the job. I think she manged it without actually looking me in the eye once!
  20. I don't want to shock too many of you, so if you have a sensitive disposition, don't read on....but.......I slept with a Wren once!

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