Noah and the flood

Discussion in 'Nautical Jokes' started by dustyjack, Jan 5, 2011.

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  1. Noah is fast asleep, when he gets a dream from God. God tells him that because the world is so wicked, a mighty flood is going to wipe everybody off the face of the earth, except for Noah and his family because they are so dedicated to God. The dream goes on to explain that Noah should build an Ark so many cubits long and so many cubits high so that he and his family can ride out the coming flood.
    Noah wakes in the morning and gathers his sons to him and tells them of his dream from God. They set about building the Ark to Gods specifications. The task takes many months, but God is patient and does not send the flood.
    Finally the Ark is finished, and Noah is sat on the foc's'le at standeasy with his mug of Chai as he sits wearily on a bollard. He looks up to heaven and says "Lord, I have done as you have commanded and the Ark is finished - what shall I do now?"
    God looks down on what Noah has done and in a booming voice says "NOAH, YOU AND YOUR FAMILY HAVE DONE WELL. NOW GO OUT INTO THE WORLD AND GATHER UP TWO OF EACH SPECIES OF ANIMAL, BIRD AND INSECT, ONE MALE AND ONE FEMALE SO THAT THEY MAY RE-POPULATE THE EARTH AFTER THE FLOOD"
    So once more Noah gathers his family and explains their next task. They split up and scour the face of the earth to bring back two of each species to the Ark. God is still patient and does not send the flood until the task is done. Eventually all the family members and the animals are milling around outside the Ark and Noah cries to heaven "Lord, I have done as you commanded and the animals, birds and insects are all here - what shall I do now?" Again the the voice booms "NOAH, GET YOUR FAMILY AND ALL THE ANIMALS, BIRDS AND INSECTS ONTO THE ARK, FOR TONIGHT THE RAIN WILL START AND WILL NOT STOP FOR FORTY DAYS AND FORTY NIGHTS AND THE EARTH WILL BE FLOODED"
    And so it was. Day after day the rain came down and slowly the flood waters rose higher and higher. First just the blocks the Ark was resting on were covered and then a day later the keel was halfway submerged. The wind was howling and the lightning flashing all around as the Ark was slowly lifted from its blocks and started to rock violently. Noah, his family and the animals started to become afraid and Noah started to pray "Lord the flood waters are rising and the Ark is starting to be tossed about by the storm - what shall I do now?" At this the now familiar voice boomed "HANDS TO HARBOUR STATIONS, HANDS TO HARBOUR STATIONS, ASSUME NBCD STATE THREE CONDITION YANKEE...."
     
    • Like Like x 1
  2. Yes, nice one !
     
  3. Brilliant, like that a lot
     
  4. Where are the SSD?
     

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