No holes left.

Watching the Breakfast News, and I'm shocked to hear that we'll not have any more
holes left in which to plant dead people , in (according to the experts) approximately
10 years time. We're fast running out of coffin-space it would seem. Now - I'm
wondering if anyone can come up with a money-spinning idea to alleviate this dire
situation. I'm looking for a third career move and seeing as folk croak on a regular
basis - there has to be a way round this overcrowding problem. Put your thinking
heads on and let's spin it by those rich fuckers in Dragons Den and make a killing.....
so to speak.

BBC News - Where could I be buried if graveyards run out of space?


War Hero
Book Reviewer
In these days of recycling and green thinking, why not offer to feed people to pigs? Not in a Bricktop, menacing style, but rather an eco-friendly Elton John, Circle of Life kind of way? Who doesn't love a bacon sarney? What better way to remember a loved one than tucking into a big trucker's after a night on the piss?


War Hero
Book Reviewer
They are already planting on top of old graves at the cemetery back home up North. A lot of headstones have been moved and the graves had lodgers planted in them.
I was thinking along the Soylent Green path myself and then thought an open fire, like a viking funeral type of thing. Stick 'em on top of any MFI/Ikea furniture they'd bought and turn the wake into a BBQ, Win win as far as I can see, you have a party, get rid of the deceased and all your crap furniture all in a oner.
In Sweden, they are freezing dead people with liquid nitrogen and then smashing them up into a fine powder. The powder decomposes very quickly compared to a whole body and can be sprinkled on your flower beds.

A town in Sweden plans to become the first place in the world where corpses will be disposed of by freeze-drying, as an environmentally friendly alternative to cremation or burial. Jonkoping, in southern Sweden, is to turn its crematorium into a so-called promatorium next year.Swedes will then have the chance to bury their dead according to the pioneering method, which involves freezing the body, dipping it in liquid nitrogen and gently vibrating it to shatter it into powder. This is put into a small box made of potato or corn starch and placed in a shallow grave, where it will disintegrate within six to 12 months.

People are to be encouraged to plant a tree on the grave. It would feed off the compost formed from the body, to emphasise the organic cycle of life.

The national burial law is currently being updated to accommodate a practice that is expected to spread across the country over the next few years.

The technique was conceived by a Swedish biologist, Susanne Wiigh-Masak, 49, who said: "Mulching was nature's original plan for us, and that's what used to happen to us at the start of humanity - we went back into the soil.

"But we need to tell people in this day and age that this can once again be a dignified and comfortable option." According to Mrs Wiigh-Masak's method, which she has called "promession" - the promise to return to the earth what emerged from the earth - the dead body is frozen and dried, using liquid nitrogen.
A mechanical vibration then causes the body to fall apart within 60 seconds before a vacuum removes the water.
Then a metal separator picks out metals such as artificial hips and dental fillings.
Jonkoping's motivation for converting its crematorium into a promatorium is mainly practical. According to European environmental laws, it faced a multi-million pound bill for the installation at its 50-year-old crematorium of a new gas-cleaning system and furnace.
The alternative was the much cheaper conversion and a more environmentally friendly procedure.

Freeze your loved one. Have everyone attend the wake.
Stand the dearly departed up in one of those things that
you use to support the Christmas Tree in the corner of
the room.
Everyone attack loved one with lump hammers. Get
the Dyson out.


Book Reviewer
Our cemetary filled up and closed a few years ago. We now have a private burial site overlooking the village, think I'll go there....eventually....not just yet though!
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