No holes left.

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by BillyNoMates, Sep 27, 2013.

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  1. Watching the Breakfast News, and I'm shocked to hear that we'll not have any more
    holes left in which to plant dead people , in (according to the experts) approximately
    10 years time. We're fast running out of coffin-space it would seem. Now - I'm
    wondering if anyone can come up with a money-spinning idea to alleviate this dire
    situation. I'm looking for a third career move and seeing as folk croak on a regular
    basis - there has to be a way round this overcrowding problem. Put your thinking
    heads on and let's spin it by those rich fuckers in Dragons Den and make a killing.....
    so to speak.

    BBC News - Where could I be buried if graveyards run out of space?
  2. It may just be me, but when I saw the thread title I was thinking of something else entirely!!
    • Like Like x 2
  3. Got ot think of something catchy for a thread about the dead in order to attract attention.
  4. Not just you...
  5. tiddlyoggy

    tiddlyoggy War Hero Book Reviewer

    No, not just wrecks..........
  6. tiddlyoggy

    tiddlyoggy War Hero Book Reviewer

    In fact, I'm slightly disappointed.
  7. tiddlyoggy

    tiddlyoggy War Hero Book Reviewer

    In these days of recycling and green thinking, why not offer to feed people to pigs? Not in a Bricktop, menacing style, but rather an eco-friendly Elton John, Circle of Life kind of way? Who doesn't love a bacon sarney? What better way to remember a loved one than tucking into a big trucker's after a night on the piss?
    • Like Like x 4
  8. Simples.....burial at sea.....fishfood......gone !
    • Like Like x 1
  9. Stick the coffins in the ground end on. Deeper hole required but takes up less space.
  10. tiddlyoggy

    tiddlyoggy War Hero Book Reviewer

    They are already planting on top of old graves at the cemetery back home up North. A lot of headstones have been moved and the graves had lodgers planted in them.
  11. Bit radical, but could always burn them.
    • Like Like x 2
  12. There's always the bins outside. One marked *Recycle* One marked *General Waste* One marked *[Insert name] RIP*
    Let the council sort 'em out.
  13. Soylent Green.
    • Like Like x 1
  14. I was thinking along the Soylent Green path myself and then thought an open fire, like a viking funeral type of thing. Stick 'em on top of any MFI/Ikea furniture they'd bought and turn the wake into a BBQ, Win win as far as I can see, you have a party, get rid of the deceased and all your crap furniture all in a oner.
  15. 'BNM Funerals.We put the FUN back in Funeral'. How about that?
  16. Leave them on the seafront benches in Morcambe, it'll liven the place up a bit
  17. In Sweden, they are freezing dead people with liquid nitrogen and then smashing them up into a fine powder. The powder decomposes very quickly compared to a whole body and can be sprinkled on your flower beds.

  18. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    The Swedes come up with all the best things. Hardcore pornography is still top of the list mind.
    • Like Like x 1
  19. Freeze your loved one. Have everyone attend the wake.
    Stand the dearly departed up in one of those things that
    you use to support the Christmas Tree in the corner of
    the room.
    Everyone attack loved one with lump hammers. Get
    the Dyson out.
    • Like Like x 1
  20. (granny)

    (granny) War Hero Book Reviewer

    Our cemetary filled up and closed a few years ago. We now have a private burial site overlooking the village, think I'll go there....eventually....not just yet though!

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