New to Raleigh

#61
Not in the slightest, help, yes, arrogance no. I don't disagree with anything so long as its constructive and not personal, there's a massive difference. I agree with tough love, it's what I've given for years and that's why I know he's a tough kid. He doesn't have an issue with the discipline nor the physical, why can't you guys get your heads round that?!
 

Purple_twiglet

War Hero
Moderator
#64
Yet you seem to be confused at why some people aren't "helping" you. Seems to me your definition of helping is confused with you being told what you want to hear.

Your son is in the armed forces now tough love is expected, people are trying to help you....just seems you don't agree with how things are done now
an excellent post - the reality is that a different set of values and standards are being applied now. We all want him to pass, but only he can do that - you cannot pass out for him (although if you are under 45 then why not go for the RNR and give it a go too!). He will be fine, like thousands of his peers each year, all of whom find the first few weeks tough.

You are not being given a hard time here - you're not the first mother to come here for support, and you're getting the same response as everyone else gets. Advice and assistance gently mixed with the message that what he is doing is different to anything he's done before.

In a few short months your lad will be in a position where a lot of peoples lives will depend on him doing his job and not wanting to run away. This isn't a game anymore - we put our faith in those around us. We need to know they've got what it takes and won't let us down. Most of us here have been 'in the shit' and know what thats like to have really nasty things happen that aren't natural and which you want to run away from and hide. His job now is not to run away, but to hold his ground and go when ordered towards the danger. This isn't a game and he has to show he meets the standards required by those around him. We trust our lives in each other and assume they won't mess up. He has to show he's got what it takes to do this before he'll be fully trusted.
 
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#66
an excellent post - the reality is that a different set of values and standards are being applied now. We all want him to pass, but only he can do that - you cannot pass out for him (although if you are under 45 then why not go for the RNR and give it a go too!). He will be fine, like thousands of his peers each year, all of whom find the first few weeks tough.

You are not being given a hard time here - you're not the first mother to come here for support, and you're getting the same response as everyone else gets. Advice and assistance gently mixed with the message that what he is doing is different to anything he's done before.

In a few short months your lad will be in a position where a lot of peoples lives will depend on him doing his job and not wanting to run away. This isn't a game anymore - we put our faith in those around us. We need to know they've got what it takes and won't let us down. Most of us here have been 'in the shit' and know what thats like to have really nasty things happen that aren't natural and which you want to run away from and hide. His job now is not to run away, but to hold his ground and go when ordered towards the danger. This isn't a game and he has to show he meets the standards required by those around him. We trust our lives in each other and assume they won't mess up. He has to show he's got what it takes to do this before he'll be fully trusted.
Oh I get that so much, why do you think I'm being so hard on him, our saying is 'I'm not angry, just disappointed' I want him to pass out more than you, trust me, I'd be the proudest ever, I just hate this shit I'm going through, I wish he wouldn't tell me tbh, I done my best to get him where he is and so has he so this is where I'm not only disappointed but angry.
I seriously wish you guys could give him a talking to because he bleets to me and as much as I wanna help, I can't, it's his future and his decision
 

Ninja_Stoker

War Hero
Moderator
#69
In an interesting parallel, illustrating the different perspective/psyche of parents, our son is hopefully off to uni this year.

My advice to my son? I'll answer my phone when you ring me, as often as you currently answer when I ring you. About one in ten.

If my wife had her way, she would personally pack three years worth of washed/ironed clothes and ready-made sarnies if it were feasible.

Clearly we are wired very differently, but single Mums with absent Dads have to try and reflect both perspectives.

If Carlsberg did Mumsnet, this would be it. :)
 
#71
Just for a sense of perspective AM, have a look at the posts from blokes (and blokesses) that quit after a few days or weeks or months and are now desperately trying to re-join, having realised what a monumental cock up they made leaving - before 'the fun' had even begun. Most acknowledge their immaturity at the time and seizing on the slightest excuse to leave.

It does seem like your lad talked to somebody who was a tad disgruntled with his lot. (What? A disgruntled matelot? Surely not!). It is what it is and it is what you make of it.

Take your phone and put him on ignore for a day or two!
 

Zeb

Lantern Swinger
#72
Very true what you say Sonar-bender. I read these posts all the time as as sad as it sounds I find it all very interesting. There are quite a few that want to rejoin. Maybe some go in too young and are immature? I hope AM's lad sticks it out. As others have said phase 2 is nothing like phase 1. Ps I did look at mums net but all the posts are years old! :D
 
#73
I think what Anxious started has been warped, the way I read the thread was she was looking for a little support and advice on how best to encourage her lad to stick with it. P_T then jumps in with the assumption, 'mum is interfering' and from that point mum is to a certain degree given the bums rush by a few.

Anxious, Wrecker was a Divisional Officer at Raleigh in the not too distant past, Zeb's offspring has recently been through Raleigh, few others who have posted have any recent experience with basic training.

You have had some good advice take it onboard, but do not take anything that comes across as harsh as a personal attack
 
#75
Think what you have said is very true. Many these kids are following their dreams . As parents we encourage our kids to do so. However as parents we cannot switch off from being worried or nervous.

I agree having read many things . We are not in the Navy and it's not our dreams therefore we are on here as parents looking for some reassurance.

Not all of these kids have got family with military backgrounds so it's a learning curve for parents too.

So it would be nice to get "other parents views " , rather than get the response as if you were at Raleigh yourself.
 
#76
There are very few recruits parents that use this page and so the responses are likely to come from those of us that have spent time in the military and so are perhaps not as sympathetic as you might hope. (Not me, I’m both a horrible old matelot and the parent of someone now in Phase 2 so I can see both sides).

There is some merit to the tough love argument, however as was said many times by Anxious Mum, you’re not in the Navy and so do not necessarily expect that response to your concerns.

There is a forum for parents on this site, but there is a Facebook page for HMS Raleigh parents where you will find plenty of others in your situation that can offer support.
 

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