New sport - needs a name

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by off_les_aura, Jan 26, 2010.

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  1. I think I've invented a new sport, although like most deviations I think I've invented some other sick puppy has usually already tried it.

    When you retire for the evening, tell the missus you're going up to bed, to which she will invariably reply "I'll be up in a minute, love". This normally gives you about 10 minutes to brush your teeth, get into bed, turn the volume down on the bedroom TV then flick rapidly through the Babestation channels, wanking furiously whilst keeping one ear out for the sound of the your missus turning off the lights etc downstairs, and one finger on the "TV Guide" button on the Sky remote in case she's on her way up the stairs.

    As an added kick, use your judgment to time your cumshot so that you just finish cleaning your spaff up from your belly as she enters the bedroom.

    Hint - if you go to bed after 10pm the majority of the girls on the Babestation channels are pretty much fully naked and writhing around like the filthy whores they are.

    come on, you've all done it
  2. The noble art of danger wanking.

    I've been a participant in this for many years. I remember in the early days, as a spotty teenager, mid tug, I would shout ''Mum! Can I have a cup of tea!?'' I would then attempt to finish off, clean myself and hide my porn stash, before my mother came up the stairs with a steaming hot cuppa.

    Those were the days. I feel the advent of Babestation type channels and the modern ease to switch channels quickly, has made our sport too simple for young competitors. I doubt any of the new generation of players could match an experienced sportsman who was raised on hard copy, old school magazine porn.
  3. Or you could try Danger Wanking Xtreme - doing it in the front room when everyone else is upstairs, in the garden etc.
  4. Of course it's Danger Wanking, but just as many sports have evolved over the years into different genres - for example Mountain Biking can be Freeride, Slopestyle, Cross-Country, Trails and Downhill - this new form of Danger Wanking, whilst made simpler with the advent of the moving image, is far more exhilerating.

    I always found that the knicker page of Grattons catalogue was more of a challenge though ;)
  5. In that case I believe your style of Danger Wanking should hence-forth be referred to as 'Extreme Digital Danger Wanking.'

    I'm a purist though and I still prefer the old style of Queensbury Rules, Hard Copy Danger Wanking.

    Not only can you play whilst thrapping, but the added excitement of having to find a permanent hidey hole for your stash adds to the fun. My wife could be routing through my box of tools this very moment, looking on in horror as she uncovers my selection of Dutch art house literature.

    It's exhilarating and adds a constant source of danger to my life.
  6. In fact, now we've established it is called Danger Wanking and has been around for time immemorial, lets throw open the question:- What was your most extreme Danger Wank? (I'd like to see a few examples before I field my own particular "moral dilemma")
  7. Easy.

    Middle watch at sea as Bosun's Scrote, divs female officer of the watch, pitch darkness. She was none the wiser as she stood just 3 feet away from me.

  8. this game has infact a number of names 1 being danger wank and the others going by the name off, power wank and pressure wank :D
  9. Is there a "Outdoor Extreme Danger Wanking" catagory? Or is that known as indecent exposure :oops: .
  10. Only if you get caught. :wink:
  11. There's always power DVD wank. Stick some adult art DVD on in the living room while evryone else is out of the room. After spaffing can you get the DVD out before someone comes in. Added excitement is they may want to watch a DVD themselves or just flash it up to "see what's in there" if you don't make it in time.

    Handy (!!) hint....computers and DVD players take 10 times longer to eject the spank compared to normal discs..Fact
  12. Although very dodgy, this version of the game will also allow you to join that exclusive club called the Sex Offenders Register. Especially if played in front of kids.

    In fact, I recall one member of the RN (now ex-RN) played this game a few years back in Paulsgrove.

  13. Depending on you TV of choice

    'Extreme Digital Danger Wanking HD"


    in the future

    'Extreme Digital Danger Wanking 3D"
  14. Wow!

    I see you are a man with vision.

    I like that. 8)
  15. Wont ever be 3D unless you can go brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr right between the puppies as they're coming out to you. :D
  16. Knocking one of on watch down lower level knowing jimmy is back there for rounds with only imagination to speed you up.
    I think i will name it Extreme blank wank lower uuuggghhhhhh level ready for inspection sir.
  17. You could try "stunt wanking".

    Position yourself with one foot on the night heads and one foot on the edge of your pit. As the moment of euphoria approaches, simply execute a forward roll onto your pit whilst continuing to pull the plum.
  18. Trying to knock one out whilst sat in the cockpit on brakes, between to Squadron and ground running base.

    During the day even braver!!!
  19. On the Flight Deck whilst your cab is being pushed back to the Ships Letter at night by an inexperienced chockhead. Thats brave!!!!
  20. In the Squadron Briefing room, at night watching a bit of gentlemens relish!!

    Getting caught!! Thats not brave!!!

    And we all Know a Harrier Chief not on 801 that did that!

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