New beret fun

I suffered the personal trauma of losing number 1 beret yesterday and am now faced with the difficulty of having to create a new one out of the fuzzy felt frisby that stores dish out these days. The question is, what look shall I go for this time?

The Commando: Popular with the baby dabbers, a high crease pulled down over the beret badge and theright eye, normally stretched with cockloads of excess right down your ear. Sporters of this style thinks it makes them look hard. It makes them look like wannabe booty cnuts with poor depth perception due to only being able to see out of one eye.

The Para: Favoured by many infanteers and now also the Pebble chimps. Sadly not yet seen in the Naval ranks, although the hilarity it would cause should be worth it. Badge over left ear, all excess pulled forward like a flat cap. The SWO would fcuking love that.

The 90's ally: Shrank to fuck with no overhang whatsoever, my shape of choice for the last 12 years.

The RAF "cyclops": No effort required, whack it on your bonce, beret badger right in the middle of your foreschwad like Tharg.

The Tankie: Folded down on both sides and covered in oil. Again, the SWO would shit his pants, brilliant.

The Jarhead: Simple. Whack a playing card behind the beret badge with the biggest fcuk off ski jump on it you can muster, the aim is to look like a starship trooper. And a cock.

The "Somethings not quite right" Switcheroo: Assume normal beret procedures, but pull to left instead of the right. See how long it takes for anyone to notice.

So which is it to be? Or are there any other suggestions you could put forward? It's a big decision.

 

Just wear your cap!

 

Badge at the back of head, beret pulled forward so it looks like a flat cap. Was in ovies (no badges) on the jetty with beret in said position when the crushers drove past, they went mental :lol:

 

I had a bit of trauma with mine a few weeks ago when I accidentally machine-washed it. Managed to stretch the band a bit so it just about fits on my bonce but, rather embarrassingly, it tends to blow off when it is windy. Which isn't good. Can't be arsed shaping a new one though.

 

I can't believe that none of you wankstags have voted for the Tankie. And the Commando style popularity is alarming. I'm close to getting outraged.

 

Even tankies don't do the tankie anymore.

I personally favour a jungle hat or wooly beanie for the winter months.
No one dares fcuk with me because I wear a blue stable belt (HAC 3 Sqn) and people assume I am from them.

When I was in the RN I wore the oldest most battered cap I could find with a massive bow wave in it. I decorated the inside with stickers and graffiti.

 

Bunch of homos. 90's ally, but with a hint of overhang, petering out right at the rear and ramping up to a fold just behind the cap badge.

Anything else deserves to be pointed at and mocked

 

That is indeed my style of choice, however as this is an issue beret with more spare fabric than a bulemics party frock, I'm happy to wreck it with comedic styling.

I have a Dubora in the post which will be 90's ally regardless.

 

Please tell me you didn't copy and paste that from an Air Force website.

You now need to ask the Newbies for advice on how to prep it and shape it. They would get a real buzz out of that. What grips mine is having to poke your own holes in it for the bloody badge.

 

Err, no. I work on a RAF base. If I ended up having to resort to stealing crab dits I'd end up being as interesting as you.

 

Crabs have dits? 8O

 

Personally i like the 45 CDO lid as modelled by my uber nuts Border Collie


http://usera.ImageCave.com/nutty_bag72/DSC04108.JPG

Yes i know the lid looks fcuked but its been sat in a box for about 13 years abd is moth eaten. 8)

 

He wears it well!

 

Fcking hell, you even matched the colour of your dog's cornea to match your beret!

 

Dog walt.

 

Fair one, we can out him easy. Ask him to do a regain, bet he can't.

 

Shh you will hurt his feelings :wink:

 

But he can lick his own bollocks so he's in by default

 

If theres another dog the little fcuker wants to get at he'll do several regains belive me!!

 

Hasn't got any mate..........My wife and i thought it would calm him down a bit. Not so!!! 8O :?