New Al-Qaeda Recruits Demand Virgins "Before" They Die!

In recent months Al-Qaeda's leaders in Iraq have had their worst fears come to pass, they are running out of people stupid enough to be suicide bombers and have had to resort to recruiting rodents.

However much to the chagrin of recruiters, the rodents are not easier to deal with. The new recruits aren't buying the old promise of 70 virgins after they die, they want their 70 virgins each up front!

This is of course not an easy demand to meet in a war zone and finding virgin vermin is even tougher. "We want our suicide bombers to be happy", said Quafing Bin Lately, the senior media relations officer for Al-Qaeda in Iraq, "But this 'up front' demand is tough for us. Rodent's do not like to hold on to their virginity, so we have tried to compromise and find 'almost virgins' or 'virgin like' females. We even rub them in virgin olive oil. Still we have problems with the recruits, they say we cheat them and they no want to blow themselves up any more, OY!!! What a pain in the butt!"

The new recruits are also difficult to work with since they cannot carry very much explosive, they must be taught to work in teams or packs. "You would think that rats would understand the "pack" concept, I've always heard about "pack rats", but they no like to work together! @#$$ They sometimes run back and blow up near us. This stinking war is going on too long for me man. 70 virgins each up front ha! They are dreaming."

For more of the same see:
http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm

 

`erm how many Virgins did they expect in Glasgow, as me Old Dad used to say, No fucking chance.

 

Bit far from Lossie but don't Buckie Edie & Fishy Annie count?

 

Ah Slim you`ll remember the Maggie 7 then?

 

I don't know about the Maggie seven but I do remember a kilick mechanician name of Tom P@@@@@son who actually married Buckie Edie, she told him she was preggers, poor old Tomwas already paying for two sprogs so tied her up, found out she wasn't up the duff and got divorced toot sweet. There were many virgins attending the Fulmer club

 

Killick Mech? they passed out as PO`s.

 

Not all of them each course in the early 60s had some mechanician apprentices on them They passed out as mech 5s, you may remember Dave Moss played football for Fulmer first team and Mick Brownlow ran with the FAA field gun crew. Both were kiliicks and both served on 800 NAS on Eagle. Another was Soapy Watson lived in London and it used to take him a week to get home on leave. Made an overnight stop in Aberdeen, Edinburgh, Newcastle, York and anywhere else he thought he would like to get pissed.

 

You`ve lost me there Slim, Mechs did`nt go on course till they were Killicks, they all went to Arbroath in the 60`s, I knew a lot of them, and they passed out as PO`s, the Tiffs passed out as killicks. The first to go on Mechs course were the old Pilots mates who got a shiiling a day for being dual trade. But then who cares , there are very few on here that can go back that far. and I`ve never known a mech to give birth, and if he did , he can Fuck Off.

 

These were electrical and radio mechs from Lee on solent. They tried a new thing in about 61 or 62 of mechanician apprentices. If you scored higher than 75% on your EM or REM course you could take a mechs board, if you passed you went on draft became QM and QS then returned for mechs course. When they finished they were rated Mech 5 (LH) I knew Dave Moss as a mech app at Lee when I was on REM course. Met him again at Lossie in 64.

 

May I say many thanks to hig and slim for reminding me of those names from a past I thought I had forgotten! I spent most of last Sunday night screaming in my sleep! Thanks a bunch , friends!

 

I bet you didn't complain about the 'toys for the Boys' after playing with them :thumright:

 

I was young and didn't know any better, some of us were young once--even Hig!

 

But were the Magie 7, Fishy Anny and Buckie Eddie ^_^;

 

I was in the very first Mechanician Apprentice class (MechApps 1) in'62. We spent 2 years mixed with tradional killicks and POs on course. Our rank was Mech App. On completion we were Mechanician 5th Class - still Able Rate. I was posted to HMS Osprey. After a year, and passing an exam, we were made 4th Class and picked up a hook. Within a year, I was posted to 845 RNAS, on HMS Bulwark and a PO (3rd Class). A year later it was 2nd Class (still PO). Another year, a very tough written exam, a terrifying Board on the Victorious, in Singapore, and I was made CPO - 1st Class. Then, I left and have regretted it ever since. Mind you, I landed myself an unbelievable job, I became a Flight Test Engineer on Concord.

 

You probably remember Dave Moss and Mick Brownlow from course then I joined Lee on Solent mid 63 and they were on course then, I think they completed course either the end of 63 or beginning of 64 as I met Dave Moss again at Lossiemouth.

 

I remember names and I remember faces, but, not at the same time! I do recollect the names. l'm fairly sure they were Air Electrical Mech Apps. I've not crossed paths with any since leaving Daedalus. I left at the end of my 9. I did try to re-enlist but failed.