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Naval Urban Myths

What about the one where Jack was nicking mercury which he had hidden in the frame of his bike. On being stopped at the Dockyard gate, his bike fell over and it took 3 ModPlods to lift it......True dit

Or Jack on his bike (again!) having nicked a load of meat from the galley. Same routine, falls off bike at Dockyard Gate, ModPlod sees blood on his clothing.........

Oh please, must be an element of truth?
 
SONAR-BENDER said:
What about the one where Jack was nicking mercury which he had hidden in the frame of his bike. On being stopped at the Dockyard gate, his bike fell over and it took 3 ModPlods to lift it......True dit

Or Jack on his bike (again!) having nicked a load of meat from the galley. Same routine, falls off bike at Dockyard Gate, ModPlod sees blood on his clothing.........

Oh please, must be an element of truth?

Chatham dockyard, Jack approaches dockyard copper and tells him that on Thursday he is bringing out a few thousand fags in a wheelbarrow covered in sand, and if he lets him through he will do a split with him on the profits.
Copper agrees, so to make it look good jack trundles through all week with his barrow.
Comes Thursday he is going out and the copper double crosses him and makes him tip the barrow.
Nothing, and pretending not to be put out he tells the cop its tomorrow. Copper tells him OK clean up the sand and fcuk off.
Thursday night in the "Bootneck", Jacks in there getting paid for all the sand and barrows hes flogged. :roll: :wink:
 
SONAR-BENDER said:
What about the one where Jack was nicking mercury which he had hidden in the frame of his bike. On being stopped at the Dockyard gate, his bike fell over and it took 3 ModPlods to lift it......True dit

Or Jack on his bike (again!) having nicked a load of meat from the galley. Same routine, falls off bike at Dockyard Gate, ModPlod sees blood on his clothing.........

Oh please, must be an element of truth?

The secnd one may be a POMEM(M) from HMS Cardiff in 1980. We had one stopped at the gate and he had meat from onboard in his grip. He lost his rate for that one, plus his badges. Whilst waiting for Skippers he was referred to by all the ME dept as POMEM Dewhurst (back in the day when we still had those on the high street). :lol:
 
In '65 at Raleigh there was a tale going round as to how a certain AB had worked his ticket, and I have heard it in various guises since.
This AB suddenly starts wearing a home made crown everywhere he goes.
First he's trooped a few times, but all the time he's claiming to be the king of England.
They send him as far a field as Harley St but still he persists and claims to be King.
Eventually he gets his discharge papers and he's walking through the main gate without his crown.
The RPO call's him and say's "Hey you forgot your crown",

Comes the reply" I've abdicated". 8O 8) :oops:
 
Just reminded me of another! And believe it or not this is a safguard moment! There was an instructor in RNSMS no name (CPOWEA, Sonar Section maybe....) who was barking mad, but he had a chit from a trick cyclist saying he was as sane as the next bloke. If you told him he was barking, he'd wave the chitty in your face! :lol:
 
Don't know if this one is still doing the rounds, but many of the 60/70 hands will have heard it.
AB walling around some shore est or other picking up every bit of paper he sees looking at it then throwing it down again.
Breaks ranks at divisions(that dirty word) and does it.
Despite all discipline and trooping he carries on, until eventually he gets his discharge.
As he is going out the gate the duty PO shouts him and says look a bit of paper you've missed.
He puts his hand in his pocket pulls out his discharge papers and says
I've got what I was looking for. :lol:
 
One I was told many moons ago which I've heard variations of is an old and bold chief joins a ship, goes into the ships office where 2 crushers are sitting. He chucks down his discharge note and says "which one reads and which one writes", Grumpy crushers ask him to go outside, wait 10 mins, come back in and start again. He goes out, comes back in 10 mins later and says "have you made your minds up yet?"
 
WreckerL said:
One I was told many moons ago which I've heard variations of is an old and bold chief joins a ship, goes into the ships office where 2 crushers are sitting. He chucks down his discharge note and says "which one reads and which one writes", Grumpy crushers ask him to go outside, wait 10 mins, come back in and start again. He goes out, comes back in 10 mins later and says "have you made your minds up yet?"

I'm loving it :D
 
This ain't an urban legend this is true, not even strictly on thread but IDGAS.
I had the morning watch on deck so we are all sitting in the canteen flat by the reg office in a DLG.
The duty chef is a mate of mine, one of two brothers, Mucker and Scruff.
So I go to the galley to scrounge a sarnie and he has not got his apron on.
His white chefs trolleys have no buttons and his chinky nicks are doing the open curtain job.
Its slightly ruffers and my egg goes AWOL to the back of the range.
He leans forward to trap it his Jake comes out and touches the hot plate.
Fcukin hell I got bacon egg sausage bread the whole issue, straight over my friggin head and down my shirt.
I hate humourless bastards. :D :D :D
 
Fella's


Ive had a couple of drafts with Pricky Price and whilst it is fully true that he played drums in BROS he doesnt gob off about it(who would?!) but everyone always asks him. I would much rather be a TAS rate in any case :idea:
 
It wasn't confined to crushers and scribes either. Most Clubswingers would stick up their scrawlings on the Sports noticeboard in the same fashion and as I remember, my first ship's ME watch and station bill was appended by the Chief Stoker likewise.

Levers

Does anyone else remember Chief Stoker likewise? I had stacks of runs ashore with him that agve rise to oodles of dits. Sadly I drank too much and now I can't remember any of them. Do any 'duty drivers' remember them?
 
seriously - whilst doing basic training, a guys grandad died and he inherited a small fortune. he was asked to either hand the money over to the corps benevolent fund or be discharged from the Royal Corps of Signals.... he took the discharge.

when we asked why this happened the official answer from the RSM was this:

"under military law, subordinates can not have more wealth than the officers and commanding officers - or there will not be any respect which is detremantal to the fighting effectiveness of a unit"

so i guess the pools/lottery winnings would result in a commision or a discharge.

Rincewind
Bollocks I knew National Servicemen who could have bought and sold the Wardroom with their spare change.
 
Jack gets to main gate with grip, mod plod says open up, jack says I've a dockyard cat in here, going to tame it for my kids, yeah ok jack says plod, opens the grip out zooms d/yard moggy, cheers says jack stomping back into d/yard, goes onboard and fills grip with fags, back to gate, waves grip at plod, caught the little bugger, ok says plod waving him through.
 

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