Naval Urban Myths

SONAR-BENDER

War Hero
Just reminded me of another! And believe it or not this is a safguard moment! There was an instructor in RNSMS no name (CPOWEA, Sonar Section maybe....) who was barking mad, but he had a chit from a trick cyclist saying he was as sane as the next bloke. If you told him he was barking, he'd wave the chitty in your face! :lol:
 

Rumrat

War Hero
Don't know if this one is still doing the rounds, but many of the 60/70 hands will have heard it.
AB walling around some shore est or other picking up every bit of paper he sees looking at it then throwing it down again.
Breaks ranks at divisions(that dirty word) and does it.
Despite all discipline and trooping he carries on, until eventually he gets his discharge.
As he is going out the gate the duty PO shouts him and says look a bit of paper you've missed.
He puts his hand in his pocket pulls out his discharge papers and says
I've got what I was looking for. :lol:
 

WreckerL

War Hero
One I was told many moons ago which I've heard variations of is an old and bold chief joins a ship, goes into the ships office where 2 crushers are sitting. He chucks down his discharge note and says "which one reads and which one writes", Grumpy crushers ask him to go outside, wait 10 mins, come back in and start again. He goes out, comes back in 10 mins later and says "have you made your minds up yet?"
 

Rumrat

War Hero
WreckerL said:
One I was told many moons ago which I've heard variations of is an old and bold chief joins a ship, goes into the ships office where 2 crushers are sitting. He chucks down his discharge note and says "which one reads and which one writes", Grumpy crushers ask him to go outside, wait 10 mins, come back in and start again. He goes out, comes back in 10 mins later and says "have you made your minds up yet?"
I'm loving it :D
 

Rumrat

War Hero
This ain't an urban legend this is true, not even strictly on thread but IDGAS.
I had the morning watch on deck so we are all sitting in the canteen flat by the reg office in a DLG.
The duty chef is a mate of mine, one of two brothers, Mucker and Scruff.
So I go to the galley to scrounge a sarnie and he has not got his apron on.
His white chefs trolleys have no buttons and his chinky nicks are doing the open curtain job.
Its slightly ruffers and my egg goes AWOL to the back of the range.
He leans forward to trap it his Jake comes out and touches the hot plate.
Fcukin hell I got bacon egg sausage bread the whole issue, straight over my friggin head and down my shirt.
I hate humourless bastards. :D :D :D
 

girthsmith

Lantern Swinger
Fella's


Ive had a couple of drafts with Pricky Price and whilst it is fully true that he played drums in BROS he doesnt gob off about it(who would?!) but everyone always asks him. I would much rather be a TAS rate in any case :idea:
 

LujonSA

War Hero
It wasn't confined to crushers and scribes either. Most Clubswingers would stick up their scrawlings on the Sports noticeboard in the same fashion and as I remember, my first ship's ME watch and station bill was appended by the Chief Stoker likewise.

Levers
Does anyone else remember Chief Stoker likewise? I had stacks of runs ashore with him that agve rise to oodles of dits. Sadly I drank too much and now I can't remember any of them. Do any 'duty drivers' remember them?
 

clanky

War Hero
Fella's


Ive had a couple of drafts with Pricky Price and whilst it is fully true that he played drums in BROS he doesnt gob off about it(who would?!) but everyone always asks him. I would much rather be a TAS rate in any case :idea:
??????????
 

jesse

War Hero
seriously - whilst doing basic training, a guys grandad died and he inherited a small fortune. he was asked to either hand the money over to the corps benevolent fund or be discharged from the Royal Corps of Signals.... he took the discharge.

when we asked why this happened the official answer from the RSM was this:

"under military law, subordinates can not have more wealth than the officers and commanding officers - or there will not be any respect which is detremantal to the fighting effectiveness of a unit"

so i guess the pools/lottery winnings would result in a commision or a discharge.

Rincewind
Bollocks I knew National Servicemen who could have bought and sold the Wardroom with their spare change.
 

Sharkey

Banned
Jack gets to main gate with grip, mod plod says open up, jack says I've a dockyard cat in here, going to tame it for my kids, yeah ok jack says plod, opens the grip out zooms d/yard moggy, cheers says jack stomping back into d/yard, goes onboard and fills grip with fags, back to gate, waves grip at plod, caught the little bugger, ok says plod waving him through.
 

Sharkey

Banned
Not a myth, on one of my many sea going craft, on which I did stacks of sea time drawing six fag coupons was a stoker who was left lots of dosh by granny/nanny/aunt fanny and when the pome shook him one morning he says not today thanks, I think I'll have a lie in, he vanished never to return
 

Rumrat

War Hero
Not a myth, on one of my many sea going craft, on which I did stacks of sea time drawing six fag coupons was a stoker who was left lots of dosh by granny/nanny/aunt fanny and when the pome shook him one morning he says not today thanks, I think I'll have a lie in, he vanished never to return

Was his name white?
 

Seaweed

War Hero
Book Reviewer
I remember a L/Sea who inherited soon after signing on for another stretch - Pusser wouldn't let him back out of it.
 

MG Maniac

War Hero
Rummers may also remember this one (Chris F. Rummers???) ... was a guy in Haslar a few years back in the 70's who inherited a large amount of dosh from some aged aunt or something ... up'd sticks (think he PVR'd) and opened a English Pub in Vermont ... by all accounts he owns half the soddin mountain now!
 

Sharkey

Banned
Then there was the one about jack ambling across the parade ground in Collingwood, GI spots him,THAT MAN STAND STILL,
jack shouts back, do you know who I am, GI confused, no, well fcuk off then shouts jack legging it.
 

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