Naff stuff


1.I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

2. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

3.Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

4.There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

5.Life is sexually transmitted.

6.Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

7.Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

8.Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

9.All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

10. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

11. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

12.If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

13.Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

14. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

15.Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

16. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

17.One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor....

18.Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

19. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

20.I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

21.What if there were no hypothetical questions?

22.If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

23.If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

24. Is there another word for synonym?

25.Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all" ?

26.What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

27.If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

28.Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

29.Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

30.If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

31.Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

32.If the police arrest a mime artist, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

33.Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

34.How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

35.What was the best thing before sliced bread?

36.One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.

37.Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

38.How is it possible to have a civil war?

39.If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

40.If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

41.If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

42.Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?

43.Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?

44.Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

45.Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

46.If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?

47.Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?

48. If you can be disgruntled, what is gruntled?[/b]

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