My worst run ashore

writerken said:
[align=justify]My worst run ashore was in Belgium. Actually, it was a bloody good run ashore but turned ape.

My oppo and me got slaughtered on the local hooch. Come closing time we'd taken a fancy to the armchair in the back room. We thought it would look smart in the mess, so up it comes onto our shoulders. We legs it away to shouts that the police had been called. Two minutes down the road and we decide that it’s a heavy bugger so we dump it onto a box hedge.

We're a good 30 miles from the ship and we've missed the last train. We decide to hitch and set off along an empty main road, on what we thought was the pavement.

Ten minutes later and I'm twenty feet in the air, before coming down like a sack of spuds. My oppo is in hysterics. We'd been waling on the motorbike lane and I'd just been rear ended by a Belgium kamikaze pilot.

While my oppo remains in hysterical laughter, I'm sat on the deck searching for the arse of my bell-bottoms, which are now wrapped around the front wheel of the bike. I'm dazed and too pissed to do much about it.

And then joy! Flashing lights are seen in the distance. It's an ambulance. I'm about to be rescued and my bum put back in order.

Alas, behind the ambulance is a cop car. And while oppo and me are bundled into the cop car, the two occupants of the bike, healthy and walking, are nursed into the ambulance.

It was a bit of a dizzy ride to the cop station but I recall there was a cop on every corner holding some light stick thing to speed us on our way.

In the cop station, my oppo is mumbling things like, "Tell them you're British. Tell them you want to see someone from the Consulate." And other unhelpful remarks.

I tell them I would like to see a doctor.

And I did! He came with a great big needle and took a blood sample. Actually, there was so much blood dripping down my arm and over my fingers, I think he just slashed my wrist and filled a cup.

After many hours we were released into the capable hands of the MPs, who were actually very kind.

A few days later I was charged with jaywalking. Tried in my absence, I was banned from Belgium for 5 years.

On the bright side, we did get that lift back to the ship.[/align]
What did people say the next morning on your ship?
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
higthepig worst run ashore Diamond Lil's 66
MoD_RSS 'Plymouth's worst fly-tipper' jailed after 3 years on the run MoD News 0
CRYSTALTIPS Best and worst run ashores The Gash Barge 55
MoD_RSS "The world's worst humanitarian crisis can't afford to deteriorate any longer"- Calling for de-escalation in Yemen MoD News 0
MoD_RSS UK supercomputer to combat Africa’s worst locust outbreak in decades MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Further UK assistance to fight Australian bushfires announced as Foreign Secretary visits worst-hit state MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Press release: Colyton event to commemorate one of the worst natural disasters to hit East Devon MoD News 0
Dusty70 Newspaper reporting at it's absolute worst......... The Fleet 6
MoD_RSS News story: The story behind the journey Churchill called the “worst in the world" MoD News 0
W Possibly the worst time to be outed as a Walt Diamond Lil's 0
soleil Metro: If Only Your Mum Was Ten Years Younger: 10 Of The Worst Valentine’s Day Dates The Internet - Best and Worst 2
S Best Smell worst Smell The Gash Barge 21
soleil Grough: "Navy Rescue Crew Braves 'Worst Conditions' In Flight To Save Walker" The Fleet Air Arm 1
stan_the_man The worst thing you ever put in your mouth Diamond Lil's 21
S Worst Pop song Ever? Diamond Lil's 68
trelawney126 Journalism at its Worst? Current Affairs 3
E Best/Worst Nightclubs and Bars Diamond Lil's 144
The_Caretaker The Worst Miscellaneous 0
Bond509 Worst jobs ever! Diamond Lil's 43
finknottle Nimbyism at its worst Current Affairs 21
B Greatest/worst (golf) drive ive seen Diamond Lil's 18
B One of the worst things i have ever seen on the internet! Diamond Lil's 73
stan_the_man RRs your worst nightmare come true Diamond Lil's 14
M worst movie scenes ever. Hobbies & The Great Indoors 1
trelawney126 The Best Worst Job Somali Admiral Current Affairs 1
Montigny_La_Palisse RAF at the Edinburgh gay-off- Their own worst enemies Diamond Lil's 11
docherty worst chat up lines Diamond Lil's 34
S worst green rub? History 7
T Worst Jobs You Never Thought You Would Be Doing In The Navy Diamond Lil's 57
babystew best or worst jobs Diamond Lil's 4
D Whats the worst place you've stayed in???? Diamond Lil's 56
K Big time walter if not the worst The Quarterdeck 39
drewfester The Worst Shipmate You Ever Served With Diamond Lil's 43
F Draftie has been good to you.... Best and worst jobs in RN Diamond Lil's 29
G Best and worst Bases / Shore Est 39
Chaz DEFENCE BULLYING REPORT - RAF Worst of the Three Services Diamond Lil's 10
shellbackmac WORST War films The Quarterdeck 35
clanky Worst place to break down? Motoring 2
F Worst TV Programme ever + the best everTV prog too........ Diamond Lil's 29
Good_CO Worst Naval Film Films, Music, TV & All Things Artsy 40
Good_CO The Worst Online Bollocks The Internet - Best and Worst 15
Good_CO Your best and worst bikes Motoring 40
F What is the worst ever bit of ... Current Affairs 13
D Ok your worst Sea draft/inboard draft The Quarterdeck 32
AfterSSE Worlds worst website... Diamond Lil's 16
buffer01 Worst pub jukebox The Gash Barge 26
PartTimePongo Carter: Bush 'worst president ever' Current Affairs 10
Wiggy_RN Guzz named as worst dressed place in the UK - Discuss! The Gash Barge 18
The_Caretaker World's Worst Predictions - Famously Wrong Predictions Diamond Lil's 32
slim What were your best and worst drafts in the RN Diamond Lil's 105
Similar threads