My cooker has just gone tits!!

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by SJRM_RN, Jun 11, 2009.

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  1. The piece of shoite!!
     
  2. tiddlyoggy

    tiddlyoggy War Hero Book Reviewer

    I had an electric oven years ago wrapped it's hand in on Xmas day. What a pisser! Had to carve the still raw turkey and zap it in the microwave. The bloke who came to fix it 2 days later blamed it on over use of Mr Muscle, he reckoned it was really bad for leccy ovens.
     
  3. Take aways are always a good standby!
     
  4. witsend

    witsend War Hero Book Reviewer

    Look on the bright side the phone still works, pizza time.




    Check the trip on your fusebox.
     
  5. Ain't there a thread on here about how to blag things without paying?

    Failing that nip round and see Nails, he's the man. :D :D
     
  6. I was about to lend you my best Gas stove that i use in the mountains mate!! Ho hum saves you a few quid then eh!!
     
  7. Ah the featherlite 442 as blagged during my novices course in 1993 and used in scotland and the alps on fairly regular occasions!! 8)
     
  8. Well don't that say it all about f*ckin British servicemen and women.

    Most countries have folks go up mountains to ski and sledge, or even f*ckin yodel,
    So what do we do?............ cook!!!!!! 8O :D :D :D
     
  9. Basic physiology mate. Food equals fuel to operate in extreme environments. Which is what i do innit!!!
     

  10. Nah F*ck that I would just yodel, and then when it gets cold tell the sherpa to cook din dins while I watch television with altitude. Or is it attitude? :D

    The Sherpa by the way would be dutch, so we would call him Sherpa van.
    His brother is Naafi van driver. 8O :D :oops:
     
  11. STOP Check first incase you do what I did

    Bought a new one, and five days later got a letter from COMET just to remind you that your cooker cover will expire in four weeks time
    you need to renew, If we can not fix it then we will replace it

    BASTARD STUPID CUNT it was three years ago I took cover out and instanly forgot

    If not insured then your local FREECYCLE has lots of NEW freebies just to be picked up (couple buy new fitted kitchen complete but mrs does not like the Electric/gas cooker provided sling it on FREECYCLE)

    It is customary to provide the lady of the house with a huge bar of chocolate when carting goods away

    Jack McH
     


  12. I go up mountains to bury decomposing corpses that have nothing edible left on them. Also to have violent sex with the goats who love it rough. Although admittedly i do find myself yodelling as I backscuttle the hairy arsed little sex bombs!
     
  13. Readers, here's a handy tip for all those who love scuttliting goats upon lonely mountains. Take the goat to a cliff edge and proceed to ram it's tight little arsehole whilst pushing it towards the cliff edge. The goat will push back to avoid death by falling ensuring maximum penetration! This tip also works with most other livestock except chickens.
     

  14. And possibly lemmings??????? :lol:
     
  15. I tell you,....you've got to watch them little f*ckers, if they get you in a suck lock and then jump 8O

    Game over :cry: :cry:
     
  16. I've still got my old Primus stove if you want to borrow it.... but I want in back well polished. (It's very brown at the moment :oops: )
     

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