My Choccy Starfish

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by RonJeremy, Mar 18, 2009.

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  1. It's itching like fcuk, really driving me up the fcuking bulkhead. Don't think it's nobbys or owt like that 'cos there's no pain, blood on the bog roll or inverted ringpiece syndrome.

    It's become that much of an irritating a*sehole I've had to name it after an AB who I used to have in my Division.

    I've just checked it out with one of those under car searching mirrors on the end of a bent stick and there's nothing obvious as to the cause. I'd give it a right good scratching but don't want to right these knicks off. Any explanations?
     
  2. Haemorrhoids mate!!!
     
  3. Nah, I've had anal grapes before ERD and by fcuk I knew about it. This is like you've got a troop of leafcutter ants traversing from Hull to Leeds and using your mudfunnel as the fcuking M62!
     
  4. Its roids mate take it from me. Get some prep H and the itching will go!! failing that grab a hedgehog out of the garden and use that you pikey!!!
     
  5. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    RJ: You think you've got problems with your anal orifice? Imagine what your slave daughter and your other offspring feel like?! :oops:
     
  6. Preperation H and a hedgehog...roger that....

    Thanks for the expert advice ERD (I had no idea you were a medical expert..)

    Do I have to kill the hedgehog first or does it increase the abrasive and yet strangely soothing effect if it's allowed to wriggle about a bit as I manually manipulate it between my cleft......
     
  7. Anusol is the way ahead, prep H doesn't have the rquired flash to bang time, liberally apply that to your tea-towel holder and jobs a good 'un. Or you could whack some nutella on it and get a dog to lick it off, nice and soothing that.
     
  8. I haven't got any Nutella, will Marmite suffice? Does it have to be a particular breed of dog? And if it's a male dog does that make me gay? If I'm brutally honest I think I'd prefer to be rimmed by a female dog, it's not as weird.
     
  9. Appearances can be deceptive!! :wink:

    Its best to kill said Hedgehog first mate as you will tarred with the same brush as those Pet Shop boys Homs with their hamsters. Ask Monty he know about these things!!! :wink:
     
  10. I see what you mean....fcuk me ragged...it's a fcuking minefield out there!
     
  11. Sorry Sapphire, maybe I should have used more anatomically specific terminology in the title to this thread so as to not mislead you.....

    Something along the lines of...

    'My Rusty Sherrifs badge' or 'My Bournville Boulevard'

    Apologies......
     
  12. Fcuk anusol & prep H...a good smearing of deep heap and the itching will go away...but dont put any on your nutsack
     
  13. You have to take a photo of your bangers and post them on here on attaining three medals.....it's Naval Law!
     
  14. RonJeremy - you have a 'special' way with the Enlish language...just thought I'd mention it. BTW - got any ribs, most of mine are broken. There is also copious quantities of coffee all over my screen and keyboard. :lol:
     
  15. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Hmm, to go alongside your Brown Wings?! :wink:
     
  16. I have to concede that young RJ has had me pissing into my colostomy bag double quick time this morning. :D

    Nursey my bag needs changing!! 8O
     
  17. I'm fcuking glad that you bunch of cnuts find it amusing to mock my ailment and find my itchy hawsepipe as a source of merriment and hilarity.....cnuting cnuters!

    Apart from MLP who offered me canine medicinal advice and XRD who offered me the Mrs TiggyWinkle treatment....you can all kiss my hairy fcuking port and stbd swingers!!
     
  18. Its not advisable to roger the hedgehog before inserting as animal rights will get very upset.

    Apart from that hedgehogs are delicate creatures and split very easily,rather like newbies.

    Suggest you get checked out by your GP just to be sure, and stop having anal sex for a while.
     
  19. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Really? Please enlighten us... :wink:
     


  20. NEVER.......!! I'd rather shove live wasps up my arse!! (Maybe I should stop doing that too!)
     

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