Movies suitable for a Royal navy makeover

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by slim, Dec 25, 2006.

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  1. Its Chrimbo and with all the channels we have available there's still nothing worth watching on the box.
    How about some RN film remakes:

    List of Movies suitable for a Jack type remake:

    1. Gone with the Wind
    Story of a Chefs battle with the ships company to combat the after effects of large portions of baked beans.


    2. The Magnificent Seven
    Follow the epic journey of seven sailors from the beginning at tot time followed by a session in Union Street and culminating with a social call at the commanders table.


    3. The Wizard of Oz
    A gay sailor & three walts attempt to find the golden rivet. Will the Jess give up his ruby slippers? Will the sailor ever find the golden rivet? Which unsuspecting crew member will drop the soap?

    4. Made in the U.S.A.
    Support the action as a group of British matelots descend on small town U.S.A. How many virgins will be left after the long weekend of debauchery? How many of the group will end the trip in sickbay with a weepy willy?


    Please add to the list as required, would also like to see some suitable actors names inserted.
     
  2. Won't that be our DD/FF strength by the time Noo Labour get the skids under them?
     
  3. FlagWagger

    FlagWagger Book Reviewer

    Trading Places - the crew of a pussers grey war canoe are struck down by a mystery illness (see Gone with the Wind perhaps) and their places are taken by a selection of misfits from the Houses of Parliament. Join the ship's company of HMS Windbag as they learn how to undertake real work and conduct multiple armed conflicts with equipment made by Big And Expensive.

    We Dive at Dawn: a remake of the classic WW2 film, updated and turned into a documentary; join the film crew marking the historic sinking of the final RN surface platform as it is converted to another dive reef in UK waters.
     
  4. Can I play the part of the homesick ship's cat? :lol:
     
  5. Pearl Harbor

    British matelots save the US from defeat by the evil empire of Walmart.

    Gunfight at OK Corral

    British matelots defeat evil Bush n Bliar Telegraph Company men in their attempt to corral the citizens into OKing a massive pay hike for politicians.

    The Enola Gay Story

    How gay British matelots gently pursuaded the Empire of Japan to surrender by threatening to force Emperor Hirohito to pick up the wet soap from his bathroom floor as they stood around commenting on the bathroom decor...
     
  6. A heart-warming story where the entire Royal Navy puts to sea:

    Ocean's Twelve

    But one breaks down:

    Ocean's Eleven


    Soon to be re-directed by Tony Bliar as:

    Three Men In A Boat
     
  7. "Hi No-one", (Do not forsake me oh my darling).
    The tale of a signal to the fleet after a few more years of Noo Labour cutbacks.

    "Above us the waves".
    A documentary about my old ship - HMS Scylla.

    "Carry one up the Khyber".
    An heroic tale of British Bluejackets under a tri-service agreement, manhandling their close in weapons system (with type 42 attached), over hostile terrain to reinforce ammunition strapped Royal Marines.

    "Angels one five!"
    A technical film for the catering specialization, involving oysters, bacon, toast, and a table for fifteen.

    "Empire of the Sun"
    Nightmare movie about a newspaper proprietor.

    "A fistful of Dollars"
    Documentary about British MPs and their expense accounts.
     
  8. [quote="2badge_mango
    "Angels one five!"
    A technical film for the catering specialization, involving oysters, bacon, toast, and a table for fifteen.

    [/quote]
    xcellent

    "The Saw." A cautionary tale about Action Stations in the Chippys Workshop

    "The Descent", How low can you go? (See magnificent Seven)

    "Soylent Green", Chef can I have another helping of Mushy Peas? Have you seen Harry the Three Badge Stoker today?

    "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory", Charming story of the Stoker who is in charge of the BioGest system on a Coastal Survey Ship and how he invites other members of the ships company to help him clear it after they have put bleach etc down the shitter.
     
  9. The Great Escape
    True life story about the government reduction of manpower in the armed forces.

    Diamonds are Forever
    Tale about a sailor and his collection of WRNS undergarments

    The Man in the White Suit
    Jacks riggers run in Mombasa

    From Here to Maternity
    A Jennies first sea draft.
     
  10. Casino Royale:

    The matelots of HMS NONSUCH come into Gib for a night on the town (before rolling down the hill)
     
  11. The Green Death
    An tale of matelots rescuing Booties from certain circumscription at the hands of over excited Greenies wielding wire-cutters and super-heated soldiering irons.

    Laundry Blues
    A training firm for New Entries on why you shouldn't dhobey your blues and whites together.

    Ganges: River to Heaven
    An RN recruiting film telling life as it was. Embryo matelots getting served hot toast and coffee in bed by cheerful PO ('More marmalade Sir'... 'Jam please, PO and a fresh pot of hot coffee mate!'... 'Aye, aye, Sir!') before a gentle stroll to class to learn about how to correctly read a chart...

    The Blair Witch Project
    A thrilling adventure of daring do where a squadron of matelots rescue Britain's Navy from disaster as the destructive witch of cuts and efficiency savings tries to pare Andrew to the skeleton. Lots of blood and gore. Not for the faint hearted, but Caterers will have no probs.
     
  12. Blue Suede Shoes
    Documentary on Rosies infamous shoe collection

    Summer Holiday
    Follows the exploits of T.B. as he goes from one freebie to another.

    The Great Escape
    See records broken as sailors from HMS Colingrad proceed on leave. Count how many are returned by the crushers after celebrating in local hostelries

    GI Blues
    Follow a class of new entrants as the GIs attempt to teach left from right.
     

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