Most ridiculous thing anyone's ever said to you?

#21
nutty_bag said:
snapdragon said:
I have loads. But I had one today that will stick in my mind. An Indian asked if I was a foreigner. What the...? No jokes about my accent, nutty_bag.
:lol: :lol: :lol:

Classic!! Bloody brummies :lol: :lol: :lol:
Neither of us are Brummies, you! He was on a certain antipsychotic so maybe he can be excused.
 
#22
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... Do I point at my arse when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

3. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it?

4. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

5. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

6. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?
 
#23
a new starter at work came to my desk clutching a letter

new boy "i need to post this, where shall I put it"

Me "theres two trays over there mate, one says post in, one says post out"

new boy "which one shall I put it in ?"

*sigh*
 

trehorn2

Lantern Swinger
#27
1) Sailing out of pompy one morning accompanied by a family of dolphins/porpouses (spell check????).

One of the girls asks "are they real"?

No love, its plastic, there's a bloke swimming along under the water with a stick.

2) While sitting down to dinner on a Hunt, one of the lads turns to the chef and remarks "these mashed potatos are nice, how do you get them so peppery".

The which the ever cheerful chef replied "fucking pepper"!

3) After (another) chef had shown a group of us around the ship and given us an hour long speach on fire fighting, including BA etc he asks the group if there are any questions?

One of the lads pipes up with "how do you make an egg custard, i made one once and it didnt turn out quite right, i think i forgot to put the eggs in"!

We like to call them RNR MOMENTS!
 
#28
Doctor: It won't hurt.

Sticks thick needle into my arm connected to an ancient glass and chrome syringe. Me, aged 6 at the time. Guess what?

It hurt! Barsteward!

I'm still deeply traumatised to this day!
 
#29
trehorn2 said:
After (another) chef had shown a group of us around the ship and given us an hour long speech on fire fighting, including BA etc he asks the group if there are any questions? One of the lads pipes up with "how do you make an egg custard, i made one once and it didnt turn out quite right, i think i forgot to put the eggs in"!

We like to call them RNR MOMENTS!
I was on a course at the NATO CIS School near Rome and on day one the school warrant officer, a Royal Signals WO1RSM, gives the new students the welcome brief. Of course this finishes with the customary "does anyone have any questions?"

Up pipes a Belgian army SNCO, in combats, with a beard, as scruffy as if he'd been in the trenches with the corker:

Quote: Can you tell me where I can get a pork pie? Unquote

RSM absolutely fuming!!! Audience biting their lips trying not to piss themselves laughing.
 
#30
Don't come running to me with a broken leg!!

Go to sleep the sandman is coming! Go to sleep Dicky Dark is on his way. What do you mean you can't sleep what's the matter.

Knob said one day "Concorde can't fly over here the sky is to small"

Give me two half's of Lager in a pint glass!!
 
#33
not asked to me but took my then submariner boyfriend home to meet some of my mates, one of them took a deep intrest in his job and came out with some classics:

Do you have little windows to let some light in?

Have you even been diving on the titanic?

CAn you paint it like the beetles one?
 
#37
On this forum long ago …..someone booked in with my username ie. Uncle_Albert ….I pm`d a moderator and complained pointing out it could lead to confusion……she came back with….

Why is it you have a problem with this person?????

Doh!
 
#38
CO to me, while at anchor in Jervis Bay "Swain, if we let the lads ashore for only a couple of hours they won't have time to get too drunk"
 

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