Most embarrassing performance while pissed

(may well of been posted before this one, but I could'nt be arsed to see if it had so.............)

What's you're most cringe-worthy memory while under the influence?
(if in fact you can remember any :lol: )

I had a party once at my old flat, and (you guessed it) got absolutely w anchored. I was so bad that when I eventually got to the "OH SHIT! WHERE'S THE BOG" stage, I steamed in, dropped kex, and proceeded to piss out of my arse. Luckily, the sink was next to the bog, so in between dropping my guts, I could lean over and puke to my hearts content.
I continued with this routine for a good 5-10 mins (shit-puke-shit-puke-shit-puke..........get the idea?), (and sometimes, at the same time). Anyway, in my haste, I'd left the bog door open, so when my best mate decides to come and check on me, he opens the door, and to his delight sees me. So the C**T think's it will be hilarious to invite the rest of the party to come and have a look. Obviously I'm in no position to move from the bog, so had to endure being the life and soul of the party.
:oops: :lol: :oops: :p


War Hero
On my wedding day I couldn't understand why I wasn't meant to get a shitefaced as all my oppos....I'd payed for the friggin party so I was going to get as [email protected] as everyone else..........

I then stagged to the hotel room and fell asleep whilst consumating the marriage... :( :oops:


Lantern Swinger
Easy ... While i was engaged to Mrs Lister, i stayed round her parents house whilst on leave. After a particularly heavy drinking session i got up for a pensioners in the night and proceeded to urinate into the airing cupboard...all over my now mother in laws clean pressed washing.
Needless to say she wasnt best pleased.
My now Bro-In-Law stayed over at my late mums after a night of celebration, promptly chundered all over the spare bedroom floor.....

However, I beat him handsdown....

After my dad passed away, both Bro-In-Laws took me out for a 'few' Friday night drinks as a way of saying good bye.

Suffice to say that when I finally got home, fell into bed and woke up at some point on the Saturday, could not understand why my foot/ankle was so sore or why there was a nasty smell of stomach contents....

My dear late mum explained that I had probably hurt my foot/ankle when i bounced down the stairs at 3am on the way to trying to find the bathroom and that when she came down at 4am to check I was ok (bathroom door locked) it took her 10 mins to get a response. When I got out the bathroom, I had apprently chundered over floor, bath, sink and to the day she died, I owed her a new bathroom carpet.

God blees her, always liked to tell that story.....
Went weekenders to a mates parents place in Stafford. Went out of the lash during the afternoon and had a few too many.
Getting ready to go out of the night I decided to have a shower to "wake" myself up a bit. During said shower I staggered in the bath and started to fall. I grabbed the shower curtain as I fell and pulled it and it's rail down on top of me as I fell out of the bath onto the floor. Much embarrassment!
Needless to say, said Oppo said not to worry, and we went out on the night for a further round of drinking.
When we eventually got home that evening we went off to bed very drunk. About an hour later, I woke needing to relieve myself, I stepped out onto the darkened landing in an unfamiliar home, still very drunk and missed the top step of the stairs, falling headlong down them and hitting the plasterboard wall at the bottom of the stairs. My right knee punched a large hole into the plasterboard, and lights start coming on around me. There stands my Oppo laughing at me at the top of the stairs, his parents then exit their bedroom and see one drunken, crumpled matelot at the bottom of their stairs and a large hole in the wall. To relieve the tension of the moment, my Oppo said "We'd best tell them about the wrecked shower curtain when they're in a better mood".............God was I embarassed or what!
i got you all beat.

I went for my 21st birthday and got the most shit-faced you've ever seen in your life. at some point, i blacked out, and i awoke in the brig.

Apparently, i had stolen my platoon sergeant's girlfriend, tried to have sex with her on the dance floor, and when, told to go back to the barracks, did so, pissed on my fireteam leader's rack, swamped myself, then beat up the guy who had most annoyed me the day before, and wiped his face with my underwear.

its one of the reasons i don't drink very much.
Jars!!! Stick to OJ mate :) Me and girlfriend laughing ourselves stupid thinking we could Pole-dance in this night club. She landed on her arse, I tripped over her and landed in this guys lap and proceeded to spill his pint over him!!! Whoops!
I have never been so drunk that I haven't remembered what happened - not that I remember anyway. Aged about 15 I used to drink quite a lot (northern girls do) and got used to standing still having long conversations with parents, saying 'just had a glass of sherry' as the room whirled around me. I have however OFTEN pretended to be drunk in order to fling myself at men. All a long time ago now of course :)
Having been out to a "do" with the Mrs and In Laws, was being transported back in the Mother in Law's car. I was rat-arsed!! I was sat behind the Vampire...sorry, Mother in Law, who was driving, and as I felt I wanted to throw up, asked if she could stop the car.NO chance was the reply.

It was like turning on a 4in hose and hit the Vampire square in the back of the head!!! Fcuking ace!! one spoke to me for weeks after that, suppose that's the good thing about it!! :)
golden_rivet said:
I have never been so drunk that I haven't remembered what happened - not that I remember anyway. Aged about 15 I used to drink quite a lot (northern girls do) and got used to standing still having long conversations with parents, saying 'just had a glass of sherry' as the room whirled around me. I have however OFTEN pretended to be drunk in order to fling myself at men. All a long time ago now of course :)
Are you sure about that GR? :wink: :lol:


War Hero
A week before I got the soon to be mother-in-laws, bored...found the port stash, got shedded and then ran around the house bollox naked and hid in the garden because the Germans were chasing me... 8O

She turned around and said to the future mrs Blobbs...."it's not to late to call it all off"

No sense of humour some people.... :roll:
First drew my tot when we were in Massawa, supposed to be cheering ship for Highly Elastic, I was in no condition to do anything, 3 hours pass and I'm dragged out of my pit to sample Ethiopian delights. I did feel better but after a few beers, went for a piss and promptly fell into the "toilet", half an oil drum. I tried to take my whites to the Chinky laundry the next day, they wouldn't touch them, I had to crash them out first.
Rugby dinner and someone had stashed a crate of port underneath our table, I was rats. Woke up the next morning congratulating myself on how well I'd done to get home, into bed and not puke, rolled out of bed, put my feet down and thought "how cold is this fucking floor", then noticed that 1sq metre of carpet had been carefully cut away by my wife because she wasn't cleaning up the spew that I didn't do! It cost me a new carpet and my wife has never had to buy a drink at my club since.
Swamped the mattress in Whitehaven, Cumbria Police Station cells, was still wearing jeans, so in morning was charged with being drunk and incapable ( tried to get it upped to disorderly for appearances sake but cop just laughed, I'm a nice drunk ..unless its whiskey)while standing ,swaying, in steaming wet jeans. :oops:
Always remember it was October 9th 2006. The HMS Edinburgh was alongside at Gib and I was working at the Horseshoe. Lovely bunch of lads Matelots - they paid for my drinks all night because I was feeding them JC's at a quid.

Needless to say come 1am I was rightly sh*tfaced and stumbled my way down to meet my friends after work, dragging said disgruntled Matelots with me.

Several hundred (or from the looks of me by this point you'd think it) drinks later: I decide (or well some of the more sober people do) its time to head home and am walked home by a couple of the Edinburgh lads we had been hanging around with for the night (such Gentlemen) - I decide to do the Irish jig all the way home and end up fracturing my ankle, meaning I end up getting carried home by a bunch of Matelots and an MP who ran into them trying to wake me up in someone's doorway :oops:

Not only that I decided it would be great fun to keep my flat mate up all night by CRAWLING around the flat starkers and puking everywhere but the toilet.

So yea ...

I don't drink wine anymore :lol:
In Recife,on the Triumph,drank a bottle and half of Bacardi,passed out,taken back onboard by liberty boat.Chucked up over the duty chief.In a coma for 8 hours.Came round and given 7 days 9s for my trouble and missed out on a run ashore in Gib.Swore I would never do it again but what the hell I did,again and again.You just have too,dont you?

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