Mischief on the last two days of work

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Liquidity, Dec 19, 2013.

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  1. So as advised, I have created a thread to ask for input, suggestions, and advice. I have my last day of work tomorrow, and my asshole of a boss took me aside yesterday and told me I was essentially useless, and that I should never go into a career where I have to think (this was after I turned down a very tempting offer to be relocated to NZ from him).

    So I have two days left - and I am looking for some [subtle] revenge. Any suggestions?
  2. wet_blobby

    wet_blobby War Hero Moderator

    Punch him in the face then fuck his cat.
  3. Tape an open tin of sardines under his desk.

    Or when he leaves his computer unlocked, do a screenshot of his desk top and then choose as his wallpaper. Don't forget to hide all his icons.

    Posted from the Navy Net mobile app (Android / iOS)
    • Like Like x 2
  4. Pres the keys on his computer (Func + F9??) that turns off his screen. Or ask a 12 year old boy some other PC (That's NOT politically correct!) tricks you can use on his 'puter.

    Access some dodgy sites from his PC.

    Dick his coffee mug - or the lady equivalent! (See also sciffing and rimming......)

    The old favourite - a small piece of clear tape on the telephone so when handset lifted it continues to ring.

    Good luck when you join up!
  5. Fuck him and then punch his cat?
    • Like Like x 2
  6. tiddlyoggy

    tiddlyoggy War Hero Book Reviewer

    Shit in his desk drawer.
    • Like Like x 1
  7. Thanks SB - some ace suggestions here... someone had also suggested to me to superglue the telephone to its base. But PC ones are always good...

    And thanks - I can't wait to start - I have a nice break too before INT.

    JFH, I really like the salmon one - I had thought of leaving an open tin of something in a cupboard over the holiday period too...

    Sent from my GT-I9305 using Navy Net - Rum Ration mobile app
  8. janner

    janner War Hero Book Reviewer

    If he leaves the PC unlocked change his password and log off
  9. Alter the mouse settings so that the left click becomes the right and vice versa, change the speed as well. Sounds simple but he will waste a good portion of time changing mice (?) around and it is well annoying! Also change round a few keys, it will take a short while to reassemble it properly.

    Get him a card with shedloads of glitter in, not only will you being seemingly nice annoy him but his desk/comp/office will never be clear of the stuff- a lot of men get really riled by finding glitter everywhere as well haha.

    If you leave something such as fish for maximum smellage make sure the brine/oil is drained off, it'll go off even faster. Perhaps a nice tuna and egg salad? Minus the salad and in a nice open lunchbox somewhere hidden.

    Tbh you probably don't need to do anything- the whole 'you'll amount to nothing' is crap as he employed you; jealousy most likely that you are escaping and doing something exciting with prospects. Success is the best revenge and all that :D

    Good luck at Raleigh! :)
  10. Don't do anything that could be construed as criminal damage. Do the fish thing, but also a kipper pinned to the outside back of a drawer for when he feels satisfaction at finding your plant. Also make sure you have his telephone number to give him a call in 3 months to give him an update on your progress. Good luck in the mob. :)
  11. Trust me, I have no intention of doing anything that could get me in trouble. R3s glitter suggestion is great... or something "forgotten". But I think his main issue was that I bruised his ego by turning down the offer, and by leaving in the first place.

    But ultimately I will be finishing on Friday with a massive grin, and a great future ahead :)

    Sent from my GT-I9305 using Navy Net - Rum Ration mobile app
  12. tiddlyoggy

    tiddlyoggy War Hero Book Reviewer

    So you're not going to shit in his drawer then?
  13. You know that bag of mussels you bought at the local supermarket (collected from the beach nearby, depending on where you live!) and forgot to put in the fridge/take home............

    Don't ask, but it is REALLY gopping, as is steak.........
  14. Ooooh the glitter one is great! Mrs S-B does it all the time, but I'm wise to it now. First time she did it I was in No 1s at the time....... and it was smelly talc. My how we (I) laughed.........

    For your soon to be ex boss, make sure it is the 'powdered' type stuff, as the larger 'formed' stuff rattles in the envelope - just saying like!! And he'll love the idea of a Christmas card from you, well, for a few moments at least!!
  15. janner

    janner War Hero Book Reviewer

    Put a pair of your skimpiest (?) panties into his coat pocket
    • Like Like x 1
  16. Unless he's gay, in which case put a pair of your other half's boxers in.

    Unless you're gay, in which case....... oh never mind!

    OR - the old spit in a Durex (other brands of condoms are available) tie a knot in the end and leave THAT in his pocket - or car if you can get access!!
  17. Well it would all work out very well - his wife works in the same office - and she has been known to go off her rocker. So skimpy panties would work. Would be funnier to put boxers in though - could ask a gay friend for a pair of dodgy ones :)

    Sent from my GT-I9305 using Navy Net - Rum Ration mobile app
  18. Seaweed

    Seaweed War Hero Book Reviewer

    A fair while ago on the lezzers thread on ARRSE Cernunnos told us how he had hung one on his neighbour by spotting that the neighbour's car was parked with the sunroof open - so he chucked in an empty condom packet for the neighbour's wife to see.
  19. Shame you didn't have him for secret santa. Could have got him a dildo, attached the note 'go fcuk yourself' and wrapped it in this: Cunt Wrapping Paper | Sexy Times R Us

    Might be a bit over the top though?
  20. So now we all know what you are treating yourself to for Xmas, or was it a hint?

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