Minging Moggie.

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by BillyNoMates, Sep 23, 2012.

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  1. So, yesterday afternoon I was digging up trees. Apple trees, cherry trees and various other trees
    which I intend to re-plant in the new garden of the new house. Anyhow - they wouldn't fit through
    the fu**ing kitchen door/front door (I had gi-naggerous earth-bins out the front, into which I would
    be temporarily transplanting them before the move). So - these trees had to go OVER my two shed
    roofs at the side of the house. I lugged 'em up'n'over and whilst in the midst of this gargantuan
    struggle (sitting at the apex of Shed No. 002), an overpowering stench assaulted my nostrils.
    Wondering what said stink was - I completed the transfer of the trees to their new temporary homes,
    and clambered down the side of Shed No.002 into the position where my 3-stage ladder is stored.
    Under the ladder is what I thought was a rug (that I may have discarded some time ago and forgotten
    to take to the tip)...but NO.....beneath my ladder was the festering cadavre of a huge black cat, which
    looked like it had been there for some time.
    She says: "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaargggghhhhhhhhh!" (The wife)
    I says: "Shurrup woman I got to get it picked up and bagged up...."
    She says: "Eeeeeeeeeaaaarrgghhhhh...put it in the bin! Put it in the bin!"
    I says: "The fu**ing binmen will be absolutely delighted on Monday morning...."
    So, I wrapped the rotting heap of goo in a pillow case, double bag it and slung it in the boot of the
    car and motored off to the local Vetrinary Surgery, in order to dispose of the unfortunate creature in
    a proper manner.
    I gets there, explain my predicament, and then I am told to sit and wait to be seen.
    The fu**ing place is (naturally) toppers with poorly dogs/cats/wombats and what have you, and
    these creatures, as we all know have an EXTREMELY brilliant sense of smell. The dogs in the waiting
    room are going ballistic, straining at the leash - trying to attack the bin-bag I have in my lap, and
    the cats are wailing like fu**ing banshees.
    It was an interesting half hour, telling the other waiting pet owners that I was clutching the maggot-
    infested remains of someones kitty what had decided to die down the side of my shed.
    The waiting room was minging by the time the receptionist had decided that I was an "Emergency
    Case" and could take my bin-bag full of dead giant cat into the vet for proper disposal.
    Marvellous way to spend a Saturday afternoon.
  2. Was the receptionist Pussy footing around then. Perhaps you should have grabbed her by the pussy and led her to the dirt box out back.
    Failing that you could have grabbed her puppies and took her doggy fashion.
    But not if she gave you the bird and would not ferret in your trolleys.
    She was probably just a bitch.
  3. How much did they charge for disposal?

    Easier to put it round the back of a nursing home in with the yellow bagged clinical waste, when no ones looking.
  4. I got a freebie.
  5. Lucky, sounds like a decent Vet.
  6. Yep, I thought so too. No ID on the cat - just a flea collar. Poor old thing. At least it got a reasonably proper send off.
    Now - *HOW TO DE-MING A MINGING MOGGIE* (Cries of "I've seen it already!!!)

    LiveLeak.com - Cat wash
  7. Why didn't you just bury it in one of the big holes that the tree's left behind?
  8. Does the expression "Silly Billy" spring to mind?
  9. It was dropping to bits at the time (dangling off the end of a long stick), and I don't think the new purchasers of my abode would appreciate discovering a rancid feline carcass whilst digging in some new bedding plants, so I did the decent thing. I do have a heart y'know.
  10. "I do have a heart y'know"...that's more than the cat did :)
  11. We inherited a cat when the wifes father died - no money, just a manky black and white fecker who shits everwhere except the bastard litter tray, my ther'e sneaky bastards but the smell gives them away everytime, behind the tv, under the sofa, even on the window fcuking ledge, It spews everwhere when it gets a furball and its covered in lumps and scratches, the mother in law said when we took it in that it was on its last legs, that was fcuking 7 years ago.
  12. The only trouble with this dit Stan is that the cat wrote last week saying more or less the same about you.
    • Like Like x 2

  13. This is downright cruel! I know this is Lil's but come on, How whould you feel if I put you wife or kids in that bloody contraption. I call upon the Mods to delete this awfull link.:rage:
  14. ...Ok the War Office has gone back her Lair. Which is good cos I cant keep that outrage shit up Billy - excellent post mate PMSL.
    • Like Like x 1
  15. Pheeewwwwww....had me worried for a moment.



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