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Merry Bloody Christmas v20


War Hero
It seems to be that time of year again. I've noticed that I can have a new sofa delivered by Christmas if I order now.

So, to round off this cracking year, let's cheer ourselves up with some dits and funnies.

Let me start the bauble rolling with this - I love it!


This time next year Rodney, we'll all be Covid free.....


War Hero


War Hero
Super Moderator
I think there is another one of good ol' rudi, sitting in big armchair reading a paper with a row of deer heads on the wall behind him with the caption "And all the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names. Used to."


War Hero
A man in Glasgow rings his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says:

“I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mum and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.”

'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.

“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer” the Dad says. “We're pissed of with each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you can ring your sister in Leeds and tell her.”

Frantically, the son rings his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like hell they're getting divorced!” she shouts, “I'll take care of this!”

She rings her Dad in Glasgow immediately, and screams at him “Dad! You are NOT fucking getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm ringing my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU FUCKING HEAR ME?” and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Sorted! They're both coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way!'


War Hero
Super Moderator
I think I've cracked it, grankids getting sod all from me this year because Rudolphs red nose is a Covid symptom so Santa is having to self isolate.

I've just got to get the timing right so his isolation period starts a a couple of days before Christmas.
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