Memoirs of a Nutter

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Stirling, Sep 11, 2010.

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  1. Memoirs of a Nutter

    We have had Blobbs nod experiences so I thought I would do one of a nutter as it's the next in alphabetical order.

    You are always the last one to know if you are mentally ill, your drinkin mates tell you
    ' Stirl, yer fcukin mad' but it is in one ear and out the other, the memory is sharp as a tack though and I remember every thing I said and did on the day I was sectioned and every thing else thereafter.

    Last day at work was Friday 27th March 1998, I turned up dressed in black Doc's, black vest and black Lycra cycling bottoms and immediately got into a strop with my supervisor, would have dropped the cnut had it not been for Dave E stepping in.
    Went to boiler house with Dave for a cuppa and sort out what needed doing that day, pissed off home about half nine.

    Had a shower and was in the Northern Wall for opening time, Chris the landlord behind the bar, 'Pint Stirlin ?'....'Aye', pint proffered.
    'Stirlin will pay for this when he comes in, he is flying in from LA today'
    Chris exit stage left¦..second pint same response,
    Went for a walk, spotted all the wasters and smack heads swearing at a group of tourists so went across and picturised them, they moved on.
    Walked the mile or so down to the cop shop and stood outside and glared at them for a bit then went back into town, spotted Trudi the Spread Eagle ( my local ) manager but she managed to avoid me so I went back to the N.Wall.

    By this time Andy S was behind the bar ( Andy had been a friend for donkeys )
    'Stirl what the fcuk are you on, are you gonna pay for these drinks'

    I handed over my credit card wallet and as Andy went to the till I pissed off.
    Bumped into Mucky Moira and bummed a tab, went on a walk round the city walls.

    Went home ( home was in a former seed mill, being the lift tower I had the sixth floor all to myself ) had another shower and demolished what was left of last nights pizza, had a tab and got some shut eye for a few hours.

    Out about 1700 down to the Rose and Crown, couple of mates in but did not buy a drink but picked on the first stranger I came across and offered him outside, before anything could kick off the landlord told my mates to get me out of his pub which they duly did and off we went to the Spread them two complaining that I had fcuked up their evening.

    Into the Spread , immediately started to harass people and Trudi called the old bill, went for a pee then out the back door, round the back of the motorbike clothing shop and back onto the street walking towards the Spread, meat wagon screeched to a stop outside Spread and I thought a scrap had started in the pub so quickened my step, Trudi and Tina the assistant manager came out of the pub and said 'He has gone'

    and there was me walking towards them, 2 bill grabbed me and I got into the meat wagon without too much protest as I knew that my rescue squad would be on the case when they found out what had happened.

    Next episode, my night in cells.
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2011
  2. You are a brave man, Pat, relating what must have been an awful experience.

    (Good memory, too, so it seems :wink:)

  3. I feel I've walked into a movie that's already started.I'm hooked but can't help wondering what happened before I arrived.
  4. witsend

    witsend War Hero Book Reviewer

    I wonder if RR is going to get a mention. I think everyone was confused a while back. :wink:
  5. a while back?
  6. Apologies for any confusion, at the time my puddled brain had convinced me that there were Stirling clones knocking about and that a group of them as my rescue squad were about to descend on.............


    Custody Sgt took my details and my belt, I had nothing else except the clothes I stood up in, ONE plod took me to my cell, shoes left outside the door.
    Within an hour duty consultant arrived , plod opened the door but doc stood outside door to conduct his interview. About an hour later GP arrived to confirm section order, he came into cell to chat accompanied by a short fat smelly social worker.
    SW never sad a word, just stood looking at me like something he had just trod in, I hoped our paths would cross sometime in the future ( they did ), GP interview over I decided I needed a nato standard and a tab, pressed the buzzer, no response, again, still nowt, rested my head against buzzer for some time, still nowt , hmm, what to do, lay on floor and continually kicked the cell door which antagonised the other inmates who started ranting and raving at me, fcuk em.

    Did some exercise , hand stand push ups and press ups, occasional kick to door, bored with that so started to sing anything and everything just to pass the time, where were the lads ?, probably waiting till I came out of cells to spring me.

    Got some shut eye till it was light, intensified the door kicking, buzzer pushing but still no response, probably trying to drive me mad.

    Mid morning 2 psych nurses from Cheadle Royal Hospital arrived to assess me before transport to Lancashire, really nice pair of lads, we even had a laugh together.
    By now I was getting really pissed off with plod for ignoring me so being a resourceful stoker I stripped off my top and strides and stuffed them down the toilet, continually flushing the bog to flood the cell and the water seeped under the door into the passage.
    All this water made the cell floor very slippery so I folded the plastic covered mattress into a third and knelt on it propelling myself round the cell like a bumper car banging on the door as I went, this did not last as the underfloor heating was drying the cell out, bugger. Went to the drinking water fountain above the bog to quench my thirst and the bastards had shut the water off.

    Getting dark, I had arrived in daylight which meant I had been locked up for over 24 hrs. Cell door opened and I stood up, must have been a sight dressed only in speedos and all the horrible ink on my upper arms, Sgt stood alongside me, one plod by the door and one outside then in steps the shortest, youngest plod I had ever come across carrying a high viz boiler suit and some cuffs, 'Put this on', I smiled at him and obeyed, 'Put your arms behind your back', poor thing was shaking like a shiting dog.
    'Fcuk off am not gonna do owt' Sgt ' Put the cuffs on the front'.
    Was led out into custody area where some geezer in a suit carrying a briefcase clocked me, 'And wot the fcuk are you looking at'

    Into meat wagon for trip to Cheadle.

    Next episode, Cheadle Royal Hospital and the absolutely gorgeous Dr Lesley F******
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2011
  7. witsend

    witsend War Hero Book Reviewer

    I don't want you to have any flashbacks, but did this lovely doctor take advantage of you in your vulnerable state?

  8. All revealed in next episode mate. brushteeth
  9. Plod stopped off at filling station to gas up, they also bought scran to troff on the way, bastards. A black Range Rover overtook us followed by another, at last the lads had arrived to spring me , few more miles, where the fcuk are they ?.

    Eventually arrived at Cheadle where I was led into a basement lift, up one floor and into the secure unit then into observation cell, cuffs off and blr suit handed over to sprog plod , 'Thanks for not feeding me for the last 24 hrs', was given some jim jams to wear, I hate jim jams. Junior doc came in to interview me, nurse popped her head in the door 'Would you like some toast and a cup of tea' at last, someone who cared. Interview over I finished the toast and tea, dare I ask for a tab ?, naw I will survive till the morning. You are put in the observation cell on your first night so as they can monitor you, nice comfy bed, best nights kip I had had in a long while.

    'Morning Richard ( my real christian name ) breakfast time, can you pop in the toilet and give us a specimen before you eat' 'Aye'
    Walked down to the dining area where the other inmates were stood about, bloke with shaved head and dressed from top to toe in designer sports wear, ' Ello'....'hiya'
    Sat down to brekkie, cornflakes followed by full English, into smoking lounge and sportsman sez 'Would you like a cigarette'... 'cheers buddy', turns out he is the son of a millionaire prem lge footy club owner.

    Smoking lounge quickly thinned out as most of them were on hefty meds and they all went back to bed leaving me, Paul the sports wearer and one other, nurse at the door having a tab, she had only had about 4 pulls then handed it to me, 'Finish that for me Richard'..Paul 'Amp yer gor owt Richard ? '....'no mate, kem with nowt'
    Paul...'Na worries' , if it was not him giving me tabs it was the nurses handing me half a tab ( all but one in the unit smoked , including the 2 that came to York to interview me, bugger, I could have asked them for a tab had I known.)

    Cheadle Royal was a big Victorian hospital set in quite a few acres of landscaped grounds, the secure unit I was in had just been re-furbed and I kid you not it was like a 3* hotel, each had an individual room nicely furnished and the rec areas were top, only difference with other hotels was you were locked in and they counted the cutlery after every meal, scran was bloody good aswell considering it was NHS.

    Outbuildings had been converted into private units so I suppose we got the same scran as them, and the same if not better level of care, private unit refused to admit Paul.

    I had arrived on the Saturday night and Dr Lesley did not do her rounds until Tues morning, caught a glimpse of her from afar as she came in, reckoned she was about 6 foot in her stocking feet, she and all the junior doctors and nurse staff on duty went into the big TV lounge and we were called in one by one, it had still not dawned on me that I was ill and I thought I was going to outwit the head honcho.

    My turn came and in I strides in my jim jams trying to look the bloke, she was sat to one side with all the underlings on the other, I sat down opposite her....... more perfect lady I have yet to meet, about 50 and absolutely stunning, no make- up, she did not need it and wearing a really classy skirt suit, and what I believed were stockings and 3 inch heels. When she had finished her first question to me she crossed her legs and THAT sound of nylon on nylon I was putty in her hands. 'Ga..clones ? What clones ? '

    ' The clones you alluded to in your cell to my 2 staff '

    Game, set and match

    'Can we get some attire for Richard, I am sure he would prefer not to wear night clothes'..she reads minds aswell. exit stage left.

    An hour after interview I am handed my first medication, within the hour adverse side effects start to take control, my neck is forced down onto my chest and try as I might I cannot lift my head and my airways are becoming restricted, antidote pills forced into my throat but they are not acting quick enough and my breathing is almost non existent, antidote injection given and slowly things begin to normalise.

    Only now the meds are allowed to do their work, bloody strong stuff and I start to ask myself why I am here.

    Next day male nurse hands me some trakky bottoms and 3 T-shirts, ace.
    Following Sunday French doors are opened for our daily 15 minutes of fresh air and while there a 80's era Merc SL 350 pulls up in the square opposite, out pops Dr Lesley in casual wear to pick up some work she had left behind, perfect car for the perfect lady....I am in love.

    After 2 weeks in the secure unit I was moved into the adjoining non secure unit as I had responded well to the meds and was thought to be on the road to recovery.

    Next episod¦..non secure unit and release to home.
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2011
  10. Top story telling there Stirling.
  11. Have a slight injury at the mo and cannot train so a lot of spare time on my hands, good therapy too getting it all down on paper.
  12. Although the non secure unit had not yet had a re-furb like its adjoining sister it was pretty much the same as far as facilities were concerned, in here I was sharing a room with a young Goth and he came in as I was sorting out what little gear I had.

    'Hello, I am going to the smoke room ( proffering tabs ) will you join us ?'
    Introduced to other folk, chit chat when male nurse comes in,' can you come to the office Richard'
    Go to office and nurse draws some money from petty cash, ' I understand you have no money or means to aquire any so we will go upstairs to the shop and get you some cigarettes'
    ' How do I pay you back'...'No worries, just send the ward the money when you get home which I guess will be in a couple of weeks time', just cannot believe this place, just gets better and better. Shop only stocks chest cutter Mayfair but I was not complaining. Secure unit only had one lighter, held by the nurse duty in smoke room, here everyone had their own personal strike.

    Back down to ward and made a coffee, turns out I am the only one in the ward who has been sectioned, the rest are voluntary or self harmers who need some care.

    Nurse asks if I would like some fresh air and we go out into the grounds, this being mid april everything is starting to bud out and as we tour the whole place I feel as if life is starting to look good again, turned out those hopes would be dashed.

    In the secure unit there had been books and mags to read but I did not bother, in here there were all the red top dailies so I had a skeg at one, could not read it, could not focus on page, moved paper backwards and forwards but my eyes could not focus, bit like the early auto focus camera lens¦..strong stuff these meds.

    Next day the nurse who had given me a tour of the grounds brought a lighter in for me, not just any lighter but a solid brass petrol USMC one, birdy on the ball inscription and fully gassed up, he was a collector and had Zippos and shit from all over the globe, he had four USMC and said he would not miss this particular one.

    I had started to exercise on my own which the staff did not seem to mind, there was a Sainsburys just across the way and I was making regular trips for the other folk who were not Mayfair chest cutter fans, each trip cost them 10 cigs for me, back on the Marlboros.

    In my last week I was joined in the unit by Paul, the first time he had ever been in this unit having spent much of his adult life in and out of secure, a couple of days in and he says 'When yer get out will you torch me dads warehouses, police wont mind'

    Last interview with Dr Lesley and I asked her if she would write to my former employer requesting that I should be re-instated, which she duly did, shame I would not be seeing her again. Ambulance to take me home, ALL staff and patients came out to see me off.

    I have to say I have never been treated with so much care and respect by such dedicated people in my life, a complete and much needed rest for mind and body.
    Next episode, home, depression and the dreaded Lithium.
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2011
  13. I am not sure why but i am waiting with baited breath.
  14. Cracking read mate.
  15. There but for the grace of God......
  16. A very absorbing read, Sterling.

    Sorry to hear you're injured at the moment.

    What's happened?
  17. Small muscle pull that should clear up soon, S/BY.
  18. First thing on the agenda is to complain to Ch Constable of N.Yorkshire as to my treatment at the hands of his officers, he replies saying there is no record of me ever having been in his custody suite, Oh really?, must have been one of my clones that was interviewed by consultant, GP and 2 psych nurses in one of his cells.
    Even your average banged up con gets better treatment, what little respect I have for plod has now gone, bastards.

    On my first interview with York consultant she prescribes Prozac, which is supposed
    to kick in about 20 days after starting the course...zilch, tried something else which I cannot remember the name of...zilch, by this time I was going rapidly down hill mood wise so Prozac and Lithium combined, thought this was having no effect till I got out of bed one morning and my legs collapsed under me, felt as if I had drunk about 5 pints !.

    Lithium can be deadly stuff if you get the dose wrong, knackers your kidneys apparently so regular blood tests to ensure levels are safe, it was doing its job as in the 'Letter box effect' where by it keeps you in this narrow band, you never cross the upper limit and become hyper and never cross the lower limit and become depressed.

    Interesting side effects depending on your metabolism, with me it was pensioners bladder, you shake the thing after a lag, pop it back in your strides and it squirts pee after about ten seconds, try to remedy this by shaking twice, wait ten seconds and shake again, pop it back in and you think you have won, minute later SQUIRT, I was changing my nicks twice a day and the brass zips on my jeans had all turned green.
    Also chronic insomnia, chronic constipation remedied slightly by drinking a litre of orange juice per day, taste buds all to cock as was sense of smell, walking by these hog roast shops the smell of roast meats drives you into the shop, now I was baulking, fancied a sausage roll from Cooplands bakers one day and spat it out as it tasted fowl.
    Limb motors taking the piss by not stepping where your brain wants you to go, bit like when you are in a foreign place looking up at the architecture and walking off the end of an unseen pavement, It would normally hit only one leg and that was manageable, being mischievous it would hit both legs and you are in a snotty heap on the deck. First time I saw the funny side but after that it became embarrassing as folks thought you were pissed, if only. Worst of all weight gain, I had been a steady 12st 2lbs for years, all through the heavy drinking that figure never altered, now I was starting to balloon.

    Decent weather now so the CPN visits were done sat outside sat by the cut where my flat was, later in the year we moved inside which was a trial as I did not want anyone invading my space, still don’t to this day. Have lived in this council flat for 8 years and apart from the yearly check on my gas boiler and my CPN no one else has ever been allowed in.

    After about my third visit to see my consultant she suggests that I have probably suffered depression from an early age stemming from the fact among other things that I had never known my father ( he died when I was 2 yrs old) and my 10 brothers and sisters all had fond memories of him. She wants me to visit Moorside training centre which teaches catering and IT to NVQ levels for those with mental problems and peeps with learning difficulties, I feel this is too early to which she responds that as my recovery has stalled alternative treatment could be looked at…………
    Electric headphones! thank you.

    About 18 months in I reluctantly go with my CPN to Moorside and agree to start on the IT side, hated the first session but then took to it like a duck to water.
    One of the mentors at Moorside also taught at the Learn Direct site in town and he suggested I try a course there, as it was a stones throw from my flat I agreed.
    Things were looking up.

    Next and final episode, off the meds and back on the piss.
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2011
  19. Stirl can you hurry up, as apart from this being the best read I've had since the "Red Sailor" I ain't getting no younger.
    Still great story chap and ten out of ten for writing it. Don't suppose when we hook up it could be near a police station could it? :D :D :wink:
  20. Final episode tonight mate. brushteeth

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