Medical discharge or PVR?

It is good that you are able to see a positive outcome in all of this so hopefully your son will get the help that he needs and has made the realisation that he can and should take some positive, progressive steps forward.

Good Luck to him with all of his future endeavours.
 

24681012

Badgeman
Progress report, or rather lack of progress....No dice with the RNR idea. Unfortunately an ill-timed bollocking from a junior officer not much older than him (he failed to salute smartly enough as he took too long trying to make out the rank insignia from a distance) has confirmed for him that he does not have the right temperament for the armed forces, not thick skinned enough! He has no problem with the actual work, it's all the other stuff that goes along with it...

He has also decided that he would like to try and get some therapy/treatment for his problems with concentration and his ability to cope with a busy social environment as he feels they have been holding him back, so I guess he will probably be barred from re-entry on mental health grounds. However, if his disappointment at the RN career idea not working out has made him finally realize that he has to sort himself out, it has definitely not been a waste of time. ultimately the decision is up to him.

I do wonder about the AFCO though, from what my son says his interview was a bit perfunctory, also I had struggled to get him properly engaged with researching the RN, he really did the minimum ( which did ring a tiny alarm bell in my head even though he worked hard on fitness and RT revision). I suppose it's very hard to judge with youngsters how genuinely keen and realistic they are and there comes a point when if a potential recruit ticks all the boxes you have to take a punt on them rather than tell them to come back in a year when they've had more time to think about it...

@Ninja_Stoker, I liked the RNR idea, if I wasn't rapidly approaching 50 I'd seriously think about joining myself and putting my new found naval knowledge to use!
It sounds as if he needs some time to think things through, reflect on what has happened and just grow up a bit more. As you say, a gentle bit of encouragement to focus on everything he has achieved and learned from this, a bit of time to consider his next steps, but definitely find out how long and what conditions he would have to meet for a reapplication. A bit of time in discussing this could help him further down the line, before he actually leaves. Being young and homesick, or indeed, saluting incorrectly, does not equate to a mental health problem. Try to give him the confidence to see that, because his confidence is probably zero right now!
 

allyballybee

Badgeman
Being young and homesick, or indeed, saluting incorrectly, does not equate to a mental health problem. Try to give him the confidence to see that, because his confidence is probably zero right now![/QUOTE]

@24681012 His problems with concentration and social stuff predate his naval experiment and contributed to him under-performing at school, and dropping out of college, i just kept my fingers crossed that a combination of him being a little bit older and the active, disciplined environment would help him, which it has to the extent that he finished Raleigh, but for him the downsides outweighed the benefits.

If I'm totally honest I took a flicker of interest after a careers fair and ran with it, happy that he was actually working towards something and pushing any doubts about the suitability of his character to the back of my mind. I'm a bit of a romantic soul and liked the thought of one of my sons going off to have adventures in uniform, you shouldn't try to live vicariously through your children...Don't get me wrong, he is a good lad, never in trouble at school, never even late, polite and looks after himself but he is quiet and shy, a bit of a worrier, doesn't handle criticism well, not madly sociable etc. He thought that because he could cope with rugby training and enjoyed a rugby tour abroad he would enjoy the navy, but he didn't.

It's not the saluting incorrectly that's the problem, you are right, but him feeling really angry on being bollocked is a bit of a problem.

Many times on this site I've read variations on the theme of the navy being a way of life not just a job and you have to be a lot more compatible to adopt a way of life than you do just to take a job.

I actually think him being brave enough to face up to the fact that the navy isn't for him and leave even though he wasn't failing, not to mention facing up to disappointing everyone who was willing him to succeed shows he may even have developed a kind of confidence through this experience...I hope.

I know I am going on a bit here, trying to get everything off my chest to avoid the urge to overdo the interrogation when my son gets back. Thanks anyone who can be bothered reading this!
 

BigD1980

Lantern Swinger
This all brings me back sounds very similar to my early days in the Mob. Joined at 17 it really was that or probably end up on the wrong side of a prison cell. My first year or so was pretty much spent with very little interest in navy life or a career.

Really did just piss about and not really engage with the whole thing but i was a gobby little sh*t who had to be put in my place on a regular occasion it eventually worked.

I found something i liked and never looked back until i left after 20 years due to medical discharge and all ive wanted to do since is join back up and get back to sea. Best job, career, life, people ever in my opinion.
 

24681012

Badgeman
Being young and homesick, or indeed, saluting incorrectly, does not equate to a mental health problem. Try to give him the confidence to see that, because his confidence is probably zero right now!

@24681012 His problems with concentration and social stuff predate his naval experiment and contributed to him under-performing at school, and dropping out of college, i just kept my fingers crossed that a combination of him being a little bit older and the active, disciplined environment would help him, which it has to the extent that he finished Raleigh, but for him the downsides outweighed the benefits.

If I'm totally honest I took a flicker of interest after a careers fair and ran with it, happy that he was actually working towards something and pushing any doubts about the suitability of his character to the back of my mind. I'm a bit of a romantic soul and liked the thought of one of my sons going off to have adventures in uniform, you shouldn't try to live vicariously through your children...Don't get me wrong, he is a good lad, never in trouble at school, never even late, polite and looks after himself but he is quiet and shy, a bit of a worrier, doesn't handle criticism well, not madly sociable etc. He thought that because he could cope with rugby training and enjoyed a rugby tour abroad he would enjoy the navy, but he didn't.

It's not the saluting incorrectly that's the problem, you are right, but him feeling really angry on being bollocked is a bit of a problem.

Many times on this site I've read variations on the theme of the navy being a way of life not just a job and you have to be a lot more compatible to adopt a way of life than you do just to take a job.

I actually think him being brave enough to face up to the fact that the navy isn't for him and leave even though he wasn't failing, not to mention facing up to disappointing everyone who was willing him to succeed shows he may even have developed a kind of confidence through this experience...I hope.

I know I am going on a bit here, trying to get everything off my chest to avoid the urge to overdo the interrogation when my son gets back. Thanks anyone who can be bothered reading this![/QUOTE]
You are right that it takes courage to take the decisions that he has. Again, thank you for sharing your experience because I think it is really helpful for parents to think about it. Do you think that anything in the training system could have improved the outcome for him? I saw that you had some reservations about perhaps not getting enough realism from the AFCO. It is difficult I guess, to steer a good line between recruiting and realism. Do they have aquaint type visits to Raleigh? The commandos get a taste during their PRMC which must help a bit.
 

allyballybee

Badgeman
I found something i liked and never looked back until i left after 20 years due to medical discharge and all ive wanted to do since is join back up and get back to sea. Best job said:
@BigD1980 you're not helping me feel better! Although I don't really have a choice but to accept his decision, i would have preferred it if he had stayed another month or two to be certain, but he was convinced it was just putting off the inevitable.
@24681012 I don't know what they could change, he did a PRNC, which went OK. I think at the AFCO they weren't necessarily unrealistic, its just that they failed to detect that his application was born more out of a lack of any other ideas than real enthusiasm. Of course they aren't mind readers but maybe applicants who don't have family members in the armed forces, who haven't spent a decent amount of time in uniformed youth organisations and can't demonstrate convincing background knowledge or excitement about the RN should face a tougher grilling.
He says Raleigh was OK, and he didn't hate every single minute of it, but it felt seperate from the rest of a naval career to him, there was a distinct challenge every week and you felt relief to have got through it each time, you also had no time to stop and think and were well looked after by experienced senior rates. As my son put it, "when I got to Collingwood the smoke cleared" he could see years of being around other people 24/7 and couldn't face it.
In an ideal world a taste of life at sea earlier in Phase 2 might be helpful for waverers, a couple of weeks in a ship or something, but I could see that that would be a logistical and health and safety nightmare!
 

Zeb

Lantern Swinger
Good luck to your son I hope he finds something he is happy with. I did smile to myself at you mentioning joining the RNR with your new found knowledge. I feel an expert myself but I'm too old luckily :D
Keep us informed in how he's doing
 

allyballybee

Badgeman
He's getting out on Tuesday, of course we go away for a few days, booked for ages, on Monday! I don't think I could get away with phoning his DO and asking him to hang on to him until the end of the week! :D
 

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