Discussion in 'Nearest & Dearest' started by Kirstiphine, Jan 20, 2014.

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  1. Wondered if anyone could perhaps give me some advice.

    My partner has been in the Navy for a year now now and recently finished his training.
    I'm due to join the Navy this June.
    We have been together for a a while now and will be getting married in a few months time.
    I have my PRNC in March and the marriage will be taking place shortly after this.
    Would I be better off informing the AFCO before my PRNC that I will be getting married or should I advise them once I'm married as I will need to change my name.

    If my partner and myself apply for marriage quarters is it taken into consideration that we are both in the Navy or how will this effect us?
    For example when it comes to putting in a preference for location after Ive finished my training will it be taken into account where my partner is based, or could we potentially be located at opposite ends of the country with marriage quarters half way between our locations.

    Many thanks
  2. Surely it's obvious that the best thing to do is keep those involved in your recruitment in the picture from day one?
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  3. My advice is the marriage is unlikely to survive, no I don't know you or your boyfriend, but I do know the navy and have seen countless marriages hit the fan, separate parts of the country, different parts of the world, little time together, each having knowledge of how matelots and lady matelots behave on board and chance..Sorry !!!

  4. What a cynic!

    But it is basically all true!
  5. It's difficult enough with one at home in a settled family environment and the other away. But both away must make it worse. Good luck to you, you will need lots of it.
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  6. I was married and divorced 3 times while i was in the mob. Maybe its just me!
  7. janner

    janner War Hero Book Reviewer

    It was probably your cooking dd :pukeright:
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  8. Married once and still going, however I was part of the Somerset home guard and going away was a such an inconvenience.

    Posted from the Navy Net mobile app (Android / iOS)
  9. exJenny

    exJenny War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    ImageUploadedByNavy Net - Rum Ration1390294358.944028.jpg

    Just the thoughts of a blonde ex wren
    • Like Like x 3
  10. Ninja_Stoker

    Ninja_Stoker War Hero Moderator

    Keep your AFCO informed.

    If you join married, one of you must have completed training and received a draft before Service Families Accommodation can be allocated. The person still in training will live on the base during the week, until training is completed.

    When possible, drafting preferences will be met, subject to the needs of the service. In other words there's categorically no guarantee of being drafted to the same baseport area regardless of marital status.
    • Like Like x 1
  11. janner

    janner War Hero Book Reviewer

    So that's one for Faslamabad and one for Cauldrose then. won't really be worth bothering about a MQ.
    • Like Like x 1
  12. Although to be fair the Navy seems to be pushing that they are going to be much more understanding on base ports to allow people to properly settle. Although this still gives no guarantees in theory you should be able to spend virtually all your career in one location.
    But it could all be lies.
  13. I hope you never put this in the window
  14. janner

    janner War Hero Book Reviewer

    No but Mr exJ will be, upside down of course!

  15. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha stop, stop my ribs, ha ha ha etc!
  16. Ninja_Stoker

    Ninja_Stoker War Hero Moderator

    I certainly wouldn't bank on an entire career in one base area. As it is, the populations of Pompey, Guzz and the place with the rain seem to pass each other at great velocity on a Friday afternoon and a Sunday night, most weekends.

    It is alleged that 85% of Naval personnel are in first preference drafts, but if that's factually correct, it's amazing how vocal the remaining 15% are.
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  17. The squeaky wheel gets the most oil, Ninj. Never got my 1st pref DPC, and as it turned out was plenty good for me. But I also took it like a man (whiny teenager) and STFU and got on with it.

    I did know three couples like this, one pair, both Woos in the same trade, managed to at least be on the same RNAS, but that didn't last, flights with ships in different base ports, then a type change. The other, the most mismatched couple Ive ever seen and it was still working last I knew. The last, are still together but she left and became a part timer to look after the kid they wanted. Different branches, so deployments were not fun for them, but that was true even after she left. Once you are SR's I think it gets easier in all respects.

    I would give long thought to this before joining. If I prioritse my relationship over career, I would not join, simple as that. Since for a lady, she is the one having the kids, makes it hard to do the other way round. I remember a pongo pilot tried it, didn't like it and she left to be with her kids. Only you can guess at how you will feel when that becomes a decision you have to make.
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  18. Many thanks for all your comments.

    We're bringing the wedding forward due to family circumstances hence why I hadn't had a chance to speak to the AFCO before this.

    To cut a long story short we have been together for some time now and were friends before this. We both had partners previously that were against us joining the forces.
    When we got together the waiting lists were longer but it was something we talked about and obviously knew this was going to happen and time apart to be expected.

    We've had our own place for some time now and have got used to having time apart, at present its been a few months maximum and I know at times it will be a lot longer than this.
    We have talked about this many a times in regards to separation and feel we're old enough to deal with it. But we are adjusting to this life more and in a way feel like its made us stronger.

    Neither of us want to start a family in the near future and both of us want to focus on our careers before anything else.
    We do have longer term plans and maybe we're too young to focus on it more long term as you never know what the future brings, but at the end of the day we feel we do have a strong relationship for this and life is too short not to take risks.
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  19. FFS, how the hell can one be expected to enjoy what's on offer for Jolly Jack with the wife trailing along everywhere you go, it would be akin to having your very own stalker.
  20. Met "er indoors" in jan 72 married in July 73. Spent 4 x 2 weeks leave plus afew weekends together, then married 11 years before we spent more than 3 weeks together on the trot. It was our (her) decision not to live near a pussers port, but 41 years later still married and living in the same village. It can be done but it's not easy. But with two of you going away it's got to be nigh on impossible. Good luck, you'll need it.
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