Many a true word spoken in jest

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by v8topcat, Nov 9, 2010.

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  1. I f you've travelled on the tube at rush hour you know that this isn't far away :lol:'s-bums-201011093232/
  2. The article mentions that we will have to "institute a national programme of anus widening."

    Kin'ell that sounds painful. Will we now get women on the tube saying. "is my bum big enough for this?"
  3. Nothing changes. I used to travel on the Northern line, and well remember trying to board a train at Stockwell when the bloke who managed to fight his way onboard in front of me dragged my school satchel with him, leaving me with the leather strap around my neck when the doors closed and the train began to move.
    Fortunately, I had the presence of mind (or self preservation), to unship the strap before the speed of the train exceeded the speed at which I could run alongside, otherwise I would have arrived at the wall end of the platform rather suddenly. Was very frightening at the time, but made a good original excuse for not presenting my homework.

  4. Reminds me of the classic matelot excuse for being adrift after weekend leave.
    Up before the skipper.... 'off caps'....'Well sir, I was on Waterloo station, the pompey train came in, there was a mad rush... I was about to board the train amidst a crowd of other matelots... when I heard this voice..'Get thee behind me satan'... so I did... and missed my train... sir'
  5. I have seen people practically take a run up just to shove their way on to a carriage. The fact that another train would turn up in two minutes doesn't seem to stop people. Watching it you would think their life depends on getting on that train it's quite funny which is why I refuse to get a job inside London. Apart from the fact that after travel expenses you don't actually get paid any more than if you work just outside London, you also lose 3hrs of your life travelling unless you decide to live in London.
  6. As an ex LUL train driver, Jubilee line, I had great fun shutting people in doors. :twisted:
    I would flick door opening/closing buttons in such a manner that those passengers holding them open got a very short sharp shock, in the shape of a door reopening a few mils then slamming back shut on their arms, legs or heads.
    Happy days. :D
  7. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    I think the most ironic phrase on the underground was spoken by that Brazilian bloke who said:

    "See 'ow queek i can hurdle thees barriers my friends. What ees the worse that can 'appen?"
  8. 'Twas a bit harsh though - Sentencing you to transportation to NZ for that minor misdemeanor 8O
  9. I was down for Australia, but got off with NZ because I grassed up my oppo for not doing a 'Mind the gap' PA announcement at Waterloo. :D
  10. Had JD's brother been around though, it wouldn't have mattered had someone fallen through the gap !!!

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