Man has sex with cars

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Shakey, Mar 13, 2007.

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  1. From - I'm not making this shit up!

    In stunning news that will have wide ranging implications for many years to come, a man has been found who likes having sex with cars.

    The details of mechanic Chris Donald's alleged romantic vehicular liaisons have been unearthed by (naturally) The Sun - who claim that in addition to a large number of cars, Mr Donald has also done the dirty with two boats and a jetski.

    Mr Donald apparently says that his sexual fetish may have been triggered by formative childhood experiences watching Knight Rider.

    'When I was a young boy I used to see human qualities in cars,' he says. 'As I grew up I noticed I was having feelings towards cars and they began catching my eye in a certain way.'

    He has also reportedly met up with at least twenty other people with similar fetishes, who have brought their cars over to him so that he can have sex with them.

    His current paramour is a Jaguar X-Type with cream leather upholstery. He also gives many of his loves names, including Laura, a Peugeot 205, and a BMW 520i called Alexandria.

    Mr Donald, according to The Sun, also maintains a website on which he writes erotic fiction about car-diddling, and has posted a manual entitled 'How to Make Love to a Car or Other Vehicle.'

    Advice from the manual includes 'The tailpipe isn't the only option! If it interests you get hold of a silicon sleeve from Clone Zone or some other tool to make life easier on your tool' and 'Roleplay involving the car is another spice. Needless to say solo roleplay requires vivid imagination and the ability to suspend rational thought.'

    The person who wrote the manual 'How to Make Love to a Car or Other Vehicle' also has a large number of blogs on which he hasn't written very much at all, and variously gives his real name as Richard or David, so make of that what you will. There are, however, a number of pictures of a truck called Marcus, who has a lovely pair of customised exhaust pipes.


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  2. I can see Caretaker's next thread looming........ :lol:
  3. Gives a new meaning to BANGERS !!!!!!!! :grin:

    How does he shag the car, does he use KY on the exhaust pipe ?, doe's the the car give head ?, if he goes to a car park, is it an orgie !!!

    MIND BOGGLES !!!!!!!!!!!
  4. A bit of advice - wait until the exhaust has cooled down first.

    If you really want to be dirty, try taking it up "the other way" like the fuel inlet or oil filler.

    Going to have a problem explaining it to the AA man if you get stuck though.
  5. Maybe he uses the gear stick in some way????????Ouch! that must bring tears to his eyes??
    Tried it on with my 4x4 last night, but "she" said she had a headache!! :grin: :grin: :grin: :wink: :wink:

    (Two-timing bitch was being shagged by my neighbour the night before!!)
    :evil: :evil:
  6. That would burn my knob, ouch !!!!,

    The AA would interesting though, good to see his face :twisted:

    Strange bloke wanting to shag a car, but what ever turns you on I suppose!!
  7. Does he get lipstick on the dipstick?
  8. AUDI manage it? If caught could he afFORD the fine?
  9. Would going into the car wash count as "Water Sports" !!
  10. Does he drive his SHAGUAR!!! tut-tut!!! :roll:

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