Making a monkey out of airline security

#1
I see this dude smuggle a monkey onboard a flight
Article from BBC
Winds me up when I am subject to the **** security when I fly through most airports in the world especially the USA, I have always hated half arsed security, even in the mob.
To waste my time by stopping me and checking a few items in my bag just annoys the hell out of me, if you are going to do it, at least do it for real, open my bag, check every item, do't just go through the motions.
It must have been a Brit who said to the guy in a leslie phillips voice, something along the lines of....
"I say old chap, do you realise there is a monkey on your head"?
Classic.
 
#3
London to singapore via KL...

No fluid allowed though heathrow, wife's cosmetics taken and placed in the skip at heathrow.

In the departure lounge, lots andlots of shops so she replaces the ones taken from her. Happy as a pig in poo!!! its cheaper

Get to KL don't leave the air port but go from International arrives to short haul departure.

Security check again because we are flying to Singapore... you guest it They took her newly purchased cosmetic s off her.

She went Ape sh!t, thought I would have to bail her out of the local nick!

She's Singaporian and the Malays don't like them at the best of times.

So Lesson is:- Put it in the baggage hold, and just stink as you fly>
 
#4
In a whispering voice and shaking the scouse security man told me they had detected a coiled wiring device in my rucksack.

Well the hosepipes are cheaper in the UK than Ireland so I thought take one over. So out came the hosepipe, eccles cakes which they do not make in Ireland, special dog chews, and bird netting for the allotment on Dublin Mountain.

Cost me ten quid to put it in the hold of the aircraft.

Time before they looked on the machine told me I had a sword. Told him it was a extending walking stick. Well it looks like a sword to me. Told him I was going walking I love walking, well why are you flying, then because I cannot walk on water. Knob head!!
 
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