Main Broadcast bites


War Hero
Just thinking of some of the pipes the QM or Bosun's Mate have made.

One of my favourites is "Gash ditching is now taking place from the quarterdeck" (whilst the ship is in dry dock).

There must have been some cracking ones over the years.


Lantern Swinger
My favorite was to ring the QM and ask him to pipe for Able Seaman Seedy working for the Fleet Maintenance Group to report to the Gun Direction Platform.
The QM would always use acromyms and it would come out as

"AB CD FMG GDP" and he would then start laughing :lol:


War Hero
I want to go on a main broadcast and say, "attention on the upperdeck, faceyourarseand salute - Colours"

Well it was funny when I thought of it just then.


Doing sea training on the Ulster I was doing a stint as bosun's mate...QM nipped off to make a brew, phone rang and a voice asked for the I piped for him :oops: needless to say when the QM returned :evil:


War Hero
There was a LS(M) [I think} Jacobs on Cherry B in the late 80's who used to pipe all sorts of stupid stuff like "Zed's to alert five at 2225", etc. One of his best tricks was to carry a bullhorn around, sneak up to the compartment next to someone and then pipe them to the bridge, etc. Used to end up with all sorts of confused people and irate OOW's, etc. Bloody good fun though.

LS(EW) Big Jock Cannon made a legendary pipe as QM on the Brazen one day when he Norfolk was driving past:

"Attention on the upper scupper, turn to port and chop one off, HMS Norfolk."
two.. three...
"Crack on!"


War Hero
on the Fearless 78ish, someone(never found out who) had a habit of piping for "Jake" & "Also Alfie Noakes knows no jokes" at all times of the day & night when at sea.
All the tannoy mikes were padlocked & they still happened, no locks broken.
To date on here we have had:

All STP users Log Off

The Bathrooms are now closed - Basin Trial.

Mr Rod Hull, E.M.U operator - 237

There have been more but I can not recall at the mo
Mister Ted Rogers, DML, ring 321.
Marine Bouy, report to the Diving Store.
RS Cosworth, contact the MCO.
Will the person holding the Buffer's Test Tackles please report to the same.

The list goes on...