Main Broadcast bites

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Jimmy_Green, Oct 28, 2006.

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  1. Just thinking of some of the pipes the QM or Bosun's Mate have made.

    One of my favourites is "Gash ditching is now taking place from the quarterdeck" (whilst the ship is in dry dock).

    There must have been some cracking ones over the years.
  2. You may find it's kind of been done here but it's always a chuckle to hear the classics!
  3. My favorite was to ring the QM and ask him to pipe for Able Seaman Seedy working for the Fleet Maintenance Group to report to the Gun Direction Platform.
    The QM would always use acromyms and it would come out as

    "AB CD FMG GDP" and he would then start laughing :lol:
  4. I want to go on a main broadcast and say, "attention on the upperdeck, faceyourarseand salute - Colours"

    Well it was funny when I thought of it just then.
  5. "Duty SA dial 141"
  6. "Return all sports kit to the PTI and balls to the Master at Arms"
  7. Doing sea training on the Ulster I was doing a stint as bosun's mate...QM nipped off to make a brew, phone rang and a voice asked for the I piped for him :oops: needless to say when the QM returned :evil:
  8. There was a LS(M) [I think} Jacobs on Cherry B in the late 80's who used to pipe all sorts of stupid stuff like "Zed's to alert five at 2225", etc. One of his best tricks was to carry a bullhorn around, sneak up to the compartment next to someone and then pipe them to the bridge, etc. Used to end up with all sorts of confused people and irate OOW's, etc. Bloody good fun though.

  9. LS(EW) Big Jock Cannon made a legendary pipe as QM on the Brazen one day when he Norfolk was driving past:

    "Attention on the upper scupper, turn to port and chop one off, HMS Norfolk."
    two.. three...
    "Crack on!"
  10. on the Fearless 78ish, someone(never found out who) had a habit of piping for "Jake" & "Also Alfie Noakes knows no jokes" at all times of the day & night when at sea.
    All the tannoy mikes were padlocked & they still happened, no locks broken.
  11. To date on here we have had:

    All STP users Log Off

    The Bathrooms are now closed - Basin Trial.

    Mr Rod Hull, E.M.U operator - 237

    There have been more but I can not recall at the mo
  12. Mister Ted Rogers, DML, ring 321.
    Marine Bouy, report to the Diving Store.
    RS Cosworth, contact the MCO.
    Will the person holding the Buffer's Test Tackles please report to the same.

    The list goes on...
  13. There's a PO(M) 'Jake' Jacobs who's still in the Mob on a FTRS contract, sounds just like him.
  14. 'Duty POWEA Exocet mag'

    I was a sprog on a 22, never saw that one coming! But I did later on!
  15. chockhead wrote: On the Fearless 78ish, someone(never found out who) had a habit of piping for "Jake" & "Also Alfie Noakes knows no jokes" at all times of the day & night when at sea.

    There was a guy on Cherry B who did exactly the same thing. Drove the jimmy absolutely nuts. We were convinced it was the same LS Jacobs I mentioned above who was doing it but it looked a bit obvious given his name.

  16. Shakey - this PO(M) 'Jake' Jacobs - he short, rounded and bearded?

  17. Jake - shortish, roundish, negative beard, dark hair. Last seen working on a JPA presentation team.
  18. No so much of a bite but a daft BM. I was QM when the OOD spotted another Captain approaching the gangway, in a flash panic the OOD shouted at the BM to get the skipper to the gangway. BM on main broadcast "SKIPPER, GANGWAY".
    understandingly later that watch the BM has correctly counted all of the holes in the flight deck nets and the holes in the helo grid...
  19. CHOPS(R) Dunne- Main Galley
  20. Also can be seen hanging around HMS SHERWOOD RNR quite a bit.

    Was also Broadleys bitch for a wee while.

    Top bloke by the way.

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