Magic Moments.

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Rumrat, Jan 15, 2013.

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  1. A few weeks before last Crimbo I was confined to hospital.
    I had gone to A&E with severe abdominal pains and kept in as the doc insisted I had suffered (incorectly) another heart attack.
    As I had the shits and sickness, I was unable to be placed on a Cardiac care ward so was confined in an isolation room off the Advanced Medical ward in Good Hope hospital Sutton Coldfield.
    You are not allowed to leave the room and are barrier nursed.(Nurses dress up in plastic aprons and wear gloves).
    So how do you shit?
    In a fuckin commode, a chair with a hole in the seat and a pressed cardboard pot inserted below.
    Food poisoning shit stinks. Stinks revoltingly. Stinks fucking revoltingly.
    So I am on the potty about ten times an hour and in a world of constant shit and stink.
    The most gorgeous of divs nurses are in and out taking blood samples, pulse, and heart monitor readings, and all the time I was sitting on a mobile shit-house with my trollies at the short trail, emitting the foulest of smells in short staccato bursts of farting and anal coughs.
    I was not at all upset to be drafted upstairs to the CCU.
    What did not exactly rock my boat was coming face to face with one of the said divs nurses in Morison's last week, who fully recognised me and graphically described to her equally divs mate the circumstances of our last encounter.
    Doncha just love it when life comes home and bites ya in the arse.
    And you?
  2. Could have been worse could have been in with galloping Knob Rot:happy8:
  3. Has an image now of a pair of rubanesque ladies talking about foreskin cheese at the dairy counter................ Yuck !!
  4. No sir not Knob rot ever.
    I was always the one grinning at the cocky-leaky clinic, grinding the aspro badge off your placebo...I mean treatment.
    Our practise was three days aspro and then your penicillin. Unless the doc hated you then you suffered.
    Long time johnny.
  5. I once knew a certain ableseaman Carter who had three strains of clap at the same time and was known as "uckers" due to his mixiblob.o_O:laughing6:
    • Like Like x 3
  6. Could have been worst you could have been in Lidl's
  7. On one of my many trips into Hospital after an epidural my knob packed in and I required a catheter, the nurse who did the job was either Chinese or japanese, as she shoved the tube down my japs, I thought, there must be a joke in this somewhere, but seeing as she had me by the bollocks I resisted the temptation to be a a clever dick.
    • Like Like x 1
  8. Rummers at least you could confirm you were no longer full of shit, well for a short while anyway.
    My treatment for deli-belly is to eat the hottest Indian meat Phal, burns on the way in sorts out bugs no after burn, worked for me for years
  9. Didn't quite seem right trying to get a takeaway delivered to the Acute Medical Unit.
    Especially an isolation room.
    There a bit isolated.^^
  10. In a ward with all your mates then???:blob4:
  11. Could have been even worse, you could have been in Stafford District General Hospital aka The Morgue
  12. Yes I've thought about that in a nightmare, and guess who was laughing and driving the ambulance.:);-P
  13. You
    two need to take this elsewhere and get a room for mutual self-torcher
    :biggrin: :w00t:

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