Made me chuckle

Discussion in 'The Gash Barge' started by kingoftwigs, Mar 10, 2007.

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  1. Thought I'd share these,

    In the 1400's a law was set forth in Englandthat a man was allowed to beat
    his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of

    -Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled
    "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into
    the English language.

    The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and
    Wilma Flintstone.

    Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S.Treasury.

    Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

    Coca-Cola was originally green.

    It is impossible to lick your elbow.

    Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:

    Spades - King David
    Hearts - Charlemagne
    Clubs -Alexander, the Great
    Diamonds - Julius Caesar

    111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

    Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you
    would find the letter "A"?
    A. One thousand

    Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser
    printers all have in common?
    A. All were invented by women.

    In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England,
    when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your
    pints and quarts, and settle down."

    It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"

    ~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~

    At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!

    Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can
    read it.

    I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The
    phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde
    Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
    olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit
    pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a
    porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by
    istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe Amzanig huh?

    YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2007 when...

    1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.

    2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

    3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

    4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

    5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that
    they don't have e-mail addresses.

    6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if
    anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

    7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the

    8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have
    the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and
    you turn around to go and get it.

    10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

    11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

    12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

    13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this

    14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

    15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this

    AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

    Enjoy :razz:
  2. Top Banana.............

    many thanks : )
  3. Jack,
    You still haven't PM'd me!
  4. Nice one mate.
  5. Top Job , loved the bit about first & last letters , seen it before but still weird , :wink:
  6. "75% of people reading this will try and lick their elbow"

    Thank god. I thought I was the only saddo.

    Gotta go. I,ve done my neck in !!
  7. Bloody Hell, I really didn't notice number nine was adrift! And you're right, my tongue just ain't long enough! Damn! :sad: :lol:
  8. 7 day's number 9s , what a txxt , done a few of them ,
  9. I JUST LICKED MY OWN EYEBROW! (admittidly I had to shave the BsaatrD off first)! Cheers mate. :mrgreen:
  10. I didn't have to shave my eyebrow off to lick it. Any interested ladies may PM me. :razz:
  11. And for Steve's benefit, that was ladies, NOT laddies.
  12. Ninja_Stoker

    Ninja_Stoker War Hero Moderator

    For KING OF TWIGS, IN ANSWER TO THE POSER:Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you
    would find the letter "A"?
    A. One thousand

    Well what about One hundred And one?
  13. I don't think ladies are that interested in men with excessively long eyebrows :lol: :lol: :lol:
  14. there's someone for everyone they say
  15. silverfox

    silverfox War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Indeed - I've known several 'someones' who have only been to glad to everyones.......

    did I get that right??

  16. Dont know , I've read it several times , :roll:
  17. ermmmm know Im not dim..........but I sooooooooooooooo did not get that. So expalin please........... come on I know you men like teaching us
    girlies :twisted:

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