Lonely Hearts

Discussion in 'The Quarterdeck' started by Shakey, Nov 8, 2006.

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  1. Taken from Sky News:

    For the last eight years, people looking for love have been writing witty Lonely Hearts ads in the London Review of Books.

    A new book has now been published collecting some of the most entertaining adverts.

    Here are 10 of the best:

    :: I like my women the way I like my kebab. Found by surprise after a drunken night out and covered in too much tahini. Before long I'll have discarded you on the pavement of life, but until then you're the perfect complement to a perfect evening. Man, 32, rarely produces winning metaphors.

    :: Your buying me dinner doesn't mean I'll have sex with you. I probably will have sex with you, though. Honesty not an issue with opportunistic male, 38.

    :: Not everyone appearing in this column is a deranged cross-dressing sociopath. Let me know if you find one and I'll strangle him with my bra. Man, 56.

    :: Are you Kate Bush? Write to obsessive man (36). Note, people who aren't Kate Bush need not respond.

    :: Stroganoff. Boysenberry. Frangipani. Words with their origins in people's names. If your name has produced its own entry in the OED then I'll make love to you. If it hasn't, I probably will anyway, but I'll only want you for your body. Man of too few distractions, 32.

    :: Ploughing the loneliest furrow. Nineteen personal ads and counting. Only one reply. It was my mother telling me not to forget the bread on my way home from B&Q. Man, 51.

    :: Mature gentleman, 62, aged well, noble grey looks, fit and active, sound mind and unfazed by the fickle demands of modern society seeks...damn it, I have to pee again.

    :: Slut in the kitchen, chef in the bedroom. Woman with mixed priorities (37) seeks man who can toss a good salad.

    :: Bald, short, fat and ugly male, 53, seeks short-sighted woman with tremendous sexual appetite.

    :: Romance is dead. So is my mother. Man, 42, inherited wealth.

    Sky News

    8O
     
  2. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Hey, someone's been reading my emails... 8O :lol:
     
  3. Like the last one. Straight up, and to the point!
     
  4. Looks like Mick Hutnel is looking again :lol:
     
  5. It reminds me of the old joke about The Jewish woman putting in an advert to announce her husbands death.

    "Can you just put "Cohen's Dead"" she said.
    The newspaper replies "You have a minimum of 5 words"
    "OK" says the woman "can you put "Cohens Dead, Toyota for sale""
     
  6. Should there be a comma after dead Chris ? :?
     
  7. Thanks. Duly amended :)
     

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