Limericks

[The_Caretaker]

There was a young Vampire called Mabel,
Who's periods were reg'lar and Stable,
So ev'ry Full Moon,
With the help of a Spoon,
She drank herself under the Table!

There once was a Bishop of Bings,
Who spoke of his God and such things,
But his Secret Desire,
Was a Boy in the Choir,
With a Bottom like Jelly on Springs!

There was an old gaucho called Bruno,
Who said: "if there's one thing I do know
"a woman is fine
"a boy is devine
"But a llama is numero uno"

From the depths of the crypt at St Giles
Came a scream that could be hear for miles.
Said the vicar, "goodness gracious,
It's Father Ignatius,
He's forgotten the Bishop has piles"

There was a young lady from Kew
Who said as the Bishop withdrew
The Vicar is quicker, and slicker, and thicker
And three inches longer than you.

There once was an ugly duckling
it feathers all matted and torn
all the swans geese and parrots
raped its arse on the bandmasters lawn

Humpty dumpty shat on the wall
Humpty dumpty hacked off one ball
All the kings horses and All the kings men
raped his arse and cut him into small peices and lobbed the fat cnut in a canal

There was a young girl from the Azores,
Who's fanny was covered in sores,
Not a dog in the street,
Would go near the green meat,
That hung in excess from her drawers.

Jack and Jill went up the Hill
To fetch a mong for slaughter
the pointy headed dozy cnuts
didn't realise it was thier daughter

There once was a dirty old bloke,
Who picked up a whore for a poke.
He took down her pants,
Fucked her into a trance,
And sh!t in her shoe for a joke.

Baa Baa black sheep, have you got a prick,
Yes Sir, Yes Sir 8 inches thick,
Fcuked the master, shagged a Damn
And sucked off alittle boy who lives down the lane.

JACK AND JILL WENT UP THE HILL
TO CHEW ON JILLS GREAT FANNY
JACK CAME DOWN WITH A BIT OF A FROWN
COS JILL'S IN FACT A TRANNY

 

[Jimmy_Green]

There was a young girl from Cape Cod
who dreamt she'd been buggered by God
it wasn't Jehova that turned the girl over
but Roger, the lodger, the dirty old codger
the bugger, the bastard, the sod

There was a young girl from Penzance
who boarded a bus in a trance
the passangers fucked her
likewise, the conductor
the driver shot off in his pants

There was a baker from Nottingham
whilst making eclairs would put snot in 'em
if he ran out of snot
he would like as not
take his pecker and jack off a shot in 'em

There was a young lady from Ealing
who had a terrible feeling
she lay on her back
opened her crack
and pissed all over the ceiling

 

[higthepig]

There was a young fellow called Sweeney
Who`s girl was a terrible meanie
The hatch of her snatch
Had a latch with a catch
She could only be fucked by Houdini

 

[Passed-over_Loggie]

There was a young girl from Devizes with tits of two different sizes. One was so small, nearly nothing at all but the other was big and won prizes!

 

[Always_a_Civvy]

There was a Blackcatter called Hig
Who fancied a Froggy called Pig
But Four Pussy Rosie
Snapped off his Posy
Leaving Blackcatter Eunuch the Hig.


There was a mad catter called Rosie
Who loved Nutty more than her Hubby
When the PO Stoker drove in freight
Rosie ate Nutty half her weight
And ended up looking like Blobby.

 

[DickyB]

There was a young girl from Madras
Had the most magnificent ass
Not pretty and pink as you probably think
It was grey, had long ears and ate grass

There was a young queer of Khartom
Took a lesbian up to his room
But they argued all night
Over who had the right
To do what and with which and to whom

 

[higthepig]

There was a young girl from Madras
Who stepped in the water up to her ankles
It doesnt rhyme now
But wait till the tide comes in