Limericks

#21
Mirror mirror on the wall,
Who's the handsomest of them all?
You are Skyvet,
Without a doubt,
Roger mirror, over and out!

(Feel free to substitute "Skyvet" for your own name should you wish to do so )
 
#24
Pam lai? Mae rai ohonym ni yn gwbl ddwy-ieithog.

(For the uninitiated, "Why not? Some of us are completely bilingual.")
A Welshman looks down on the Saxon

Preferring his collie to a dachshun’

Mutters “twll din pob sais”

When the English score tries,

And laments for the lost dream of Macsen.
 
#26
There once was a man from Peru

Who dreamed of eating his shoe

In the middle of the night he woke up with a fright

When he realised his dream had come true
 

huwshpis

Lantern Swinger
#27
Il etait un jeune homme de Dijon,
Qui n’avait pas peu de Religion;
Il dit, “Quand a moi,
Je deteste tous les trois -
Le Pere, le Fils et le Pigeon.”


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

huwshpis

Lantern Swinger
#28
Or how about these philosophical ones:

There once was a man who said, "God
Must find it exceedingly odd
To see that this tree
Continues to be
When there's no-one about in the quad."

"Dear Sir, your astonishment's odd;
I am always about in the quad,
And that's why the tree
Continues to be,
Since observed by, yours faithfully, God."
 
#29
There was a young whore of Khartoum
who invited a queer to her room
he said with a grin
as she invited him in
"Who does what and how and to whom?"

There was a young man of Nantucket
who's cock was so long he could suck it
he said, with a grin,
as he was wiping his chin
"If my ear was a cunt I could fuck it"
 

ratsroden

Lantern Swinger
#30
There once was a sailor from Brighton
Who remarked to his girl "You're a tight one"
She replied "Pon my soul,
You're in the wrong hole;
There's plenty of room in the right one"
 
#31
For my Valentine,
Firemain is red my love,
Freshwater is blue,
Sea water is green my love,
But not as green as you. I will get my coat and make ,my own supper.
 
#32
Mex Pete's ugly sistero Belindo
thoughtlessly peed outa her window.
all over his brand new Sombrero.

Sez Pete - you fat twat,
You've ruined my hat,

and now I haz nuzzing to wearo!


(works better to music)
 
#33
I think it was Spike Milligan that once recited his version of the following ..........

The boy stood on the burning deck,
When all but he had fled,
.............. Twit!
 
#34
There was a Chief GI name Rust,
Was perverse to the point of disgust,
His idea of a peach had a sixteen inch breech
and a pearl handled 44 bust.

There was a young thruster from Dover,
Would not pay a whore what he owed her,
You're a bastard she said as she leapt out of bed,
Then she pissed in his whiskey and soda.

There was a young virgin from Devon, (she must of been young)
Who got herself raped by seven,
High Anglican priests, the bastards the beasts,
Of such is the Kingdom of heaven.

There was a young lady from Hitchin,
Sat scratching her parts in the kitchen,
Her mother said "Pat stop scratching your twat",
She said "Bollocks get on with you're knitting.


Got that off my chest. Hello and goodbye.
 
#35
Little boy blue,
Come blow up your trumpet,
If the cows don't like it,
They can bloody well lump it!

====================


Little Miss Muffet,
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey,
Down came a spider,
And sat down beside her,
And she said "piss off - you're RA"
 
#36
There was a Chief GI name Rust,
Was perverse to the point of disgust,
His idea of a peach had a sixteen inch breech
and a pearl handled 44 bust.

There was a young thruster from Dover,
Would not pay a whore what he owed her,
You're a bastard she said as she leapt out of bed,
Then she pissed in his whiskey and soda.

There was a young virgin from Devon, (she must of been young)
Who got herself raped by seven,
High Anglican priests, the bastards the beasts,
Of such is the Kingdom of heaven.

There was a young lady from Hitchin,
Sat scratching her parts in the kitchen,
Her mother said "Pat stop scratching your twat",
She said "Bollocks get on with you're knitting.


Got that off my chest. Hello and goodbye.
Welcome back and goodbye Rummers :)
 
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