Life's true Mysteries

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Rumrat, Oct 20, 2012.

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  1. Once I was cutting the lawn, it was around 8.30pm on a warm summer evening.
    Living dangerously close to the pub, two doors away, I recklessly thought what the hell and abandoned the mower.
    Being hotter than I at first thought I drank more than was originally intended. Another unplanned factor was the presence of a large amount of friends in the bar. So more drink.
    Lets go for a curry was the general consensus at throwing out time. Why not I thought, so did.
    More drinks followed at the Indian, and then "lets all go back to my place" someone announced. Yeah lets I agreed and did.
    More drinks, and then the realisation not only did I not know where I was, I didn't fuckin care. More drinks, and then I didn't care that I didn't care as I was so far in the shit why worry until you need to.
    More drinks, and then I seemed to go weak and then it was morning.
    Not exactly it was light. to say morning would be optimistic on the wishful thinking side of things as it was almost getting dark. Fuck I thought I am in deep this time. You were last time a little voice wispered to me in my head. Wanna drink another voice whispered but this time in my ear not my head. Yeah why not your in the shit already so just do it all now. So a drink.
    Having had a drink I thought why not have another as it can't get worse. So I did.
    Dinner time next day I was awoken to hear a voice telling me it would be in my best interests to get up.
    Thinking it was my oppo nagging me I told him in no uncertain terms to fuck off leave me alone and let me sleep.
    I ain't movin for no fucker I stated and why would I it was so comfortable where I was.
    It was around this time I became aware it was not only noisy at this location it was a bit damp.
    Tentatively opening my eyes I sat slowly up to see where exactly in Tamworth I was.
    I was in the rear of an open backed pick up on a bundle of rags and it was raining. The voice asking me to no now telling me to get up was a copper and I was in the car park of the safeways supermarket in Harwick renfrewshire.
    Although I have a theory as to how I got there I do not know for certain, and after this amount of time i do not think I ever will. It took me 4 days to get back as I had exactly £7.00 in my pocket.
    My first wife died in march this year so if she was the instigator I will never be able to ascertain.
  2. So it wasn't just the lawn that was half-cut.
  3. fcukin lightweight. If you was having such a good time why did you rush back. 4 days ffs. you could have dragged that out for weeks. From what I heard 7 quid would last you a long time as you never bought a fcukin round :p:p
  4. I did once go adrift from the war office for 10 days. Present wife that is.
    When me and the first split up, on the divorce citation was a sentence that tickled me.
    My husband left the house saying he was going to the shop and returned 14 days later.
    The shop was in Devon, I forgot to tell her.
    Anyway where you been, shoot through.
  5. Have I been away long?
  6. It seems so then so have I.
    Where you been dossing?
  7. .
    went for a few pints and woke up in a cellar with a long beard and a sore arse. Somebody must be desperate:lol:

    Actually just got bored. Bought a motorhome and been all over the place.
    Good to see you're still live and kicking.
    Still teetotal and doing lots of exercise?;-)
  8. I was even down your way recently.
    Spent a few days at Walton on the Naze as part of my UK tour.
    Went to New York for 5 days prior to that.
    Actually prefer Walton to NY as its so fuckin noisy and dirty there. Only went for the sake of the War Office as I have been twice before and was not impressed.
  9. The first house I lived in down here in Plymouth was No.33.We moved out of there into a Married Quarter, which was No.7 (the number of the house I was brought up in up in Yorkshire).On leaving the RN, I bought a house which was No.119 (the first three numbers of my own Official number). After livin' there for 11 years (half of a standard pussers 22), I bought a house which was No.126 and old'n'bold types will know what a 126 was. Sold that and the intention was to move to another house...No.71 which is (without referring to my SC's) the year I joined up.No.71 fell on its arse and we took shelter in the wifes sisters house...No.13 (the day of the month I was born). Now I've bought a house which we shall move into on 3rd December (i.e. 3/12). 3 and 1+2 gives you two numbers which make up 33....this house is three streets away from the house we are temporarily using and the new house is none other than No.33. None of this is a lie.
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2012
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