Life, actually it is pretty shite after all.

2_deck_dash

War Hero
I've got man flu, the Police have decided to come and do a spot check at work tomorrow so I will have to babysit two coppers all day, it's fcuking freezing and I've forgotten my coat, I got a puncture on my car the other day and it cost £180 to get a new tyre, my missus has got the painters in so no fun and games for me tonight, my boiler has broken down and British Gas want £50 just to come and look at it, my wife is making quiche for dinner, I fcuking hate quiche, all my mates are indoors playing something called Call of Duty, I'm not allowed an Xbox or PS3 because I have a remote control M*A*S*H Helicopter, I broke my remote control M*A*S*H Helicopter whilst trying to fly it indoors while pissed.

On the plus side, I do have some wine.
 

Alfacharlie

War Hero
2_deck_dash said:
I've got man flu, the Police have decided to come and do a spot check at work tomorrow so I will have to babysit two coppers all day, it's fcuking freezing and I've forgotten my coat, I got a puncture on my car the other day and it cost £180 to get a new tyre, my missus has got the painters in so no fun and games for me tonight, my boiler has broken down and British Gas want £50 just to come and look at it, my wife is making quiche for dinner, I fcuking hate quiche, all my mates are indoors playing something called Call of Duty, I'm not allowed an Xbox or PS3 because I have a remote control M*A*S*H Helicopter, I broke my remote control M*A*S*H Helicopter whilst trying to fly it indoors while pissed.

On the plus side, I do have some wine.

That's the spirit.
 

2_deck_dash

War Hero
Alfacharlie said:
2_deck_dash said:
I've got man flu, the Police have decided to come and do a spot check at work tomorrow so I will have to babysit two coppers all day, it's fcuking freezing and I've forgotten my coat, I got a puncture on my car the other day and it cost £180 to get a new tyre, my missus has got the painters in so no fun and games for me tonight, my boiler has broken down and British Gas want £50 just to come and look at it, my wife is making quiche for dinner, I fcuking hate quiche, all my mates are indoors playing something called Call of Duty, I'm not allowed an Xbox or PS3 because I have a remote control M*A*S*H Helicopter, I broke my remote control M*A*S*H Helicopter whilst trying to fly it indoors while pissed.

On the plus side, I do have some wine.

That's the spirit.

No, I said wine.
 

stirling2

Banned
So the wife has the painters in, who gives a fcuk , women are horny as fcuk when the flag is up, yes it is a bit messy and if you muff it after there may be some solids to pick out of your teeth.
Give the manhood a serious dhoby after you have had a tab sos not to grow penile warts.
 

Alfacharlie

War Hero
2_deck_dash said:
Alfacharlie said:
2_deck_dash said:
I've got man flu, the Police have decided to come and do a spot check at work tomorrow so I will have to babysit two coppers all day, it's fcuking freezing and I've forgotten my coat, I got a puncture on my car the other day and it cost £180 to get a new tyre, my missus has got the painters in so no fun and games for me tonight, my boiler has broken down and British Gas want £50 just to come and look at it, my wife is making quiche for dinner, I fcuking hate quiche, all my mates are indoors playing something called Call of Duty, I'm not allowed an Xbox or PS3 because I have a remote control M*A*S*H Helicopter, I broke my remote control M*A*S*H Helicopter whilst trying to fly it indoors while pissed.

On the plus side, I do have some wine.

That's the spirit.

No, I said wine.

Drink some 'Brasso', go nuts.
 

JonnoJonno

Banned
Sounds to me like many of your woes would be solved by windmilling into your missus. She clearly doesn't spend enough of her day in tears, wiping your angry spittle off her buised features.
 

2_deck_dash

War Hero
JonnoJonno said:
Sounds to me like many of your woes would be solved by windmilling into your missus. She clearly doesn't spend enough of her day in tears, wiping your angry spittle off her buised features.

Good idea! I'd tried all the traditional hobbies like holocaust denial, sheds, amateur gynacology and what not, infact I'm ashamed to admit I even joined the TA! But none of these seemed to take the edge off my otherwise shite existence. Cheers for your suggestion, I will try it out as soon as I get home from work.
 

Rumrat

War Hero
2_deck_dash said:
I've got man flu, the Police have decided to come and do a spot check at work tomorrow so I will have to babysit two coppers all day, it's fcuking freezing and I've forgotten my coat, I got a puncture on my car the other day and it cost £180 to get a new tyre, my missus has got the painters in so no fun and games for me tonight, my boiler has broken down and British Gas want £50 just to come and look at it, my wife is making quiche for dinner, I fcuking hate quiche, all my mates are indoors playing something called Call of Duty, I'm not allowed an Xbox or PS3 because I have a remote control M*A*S*H Helicopter, I broke my remote control M*A*S*H Helicopter whilst trying to fly it indoors while pissed.

On the plus side, I do have some wine.

Well I need to tell you that you could give all that superficial shite up and turn black.
I did and my life has become wonderful. First my c0ck grew a few more inches,and people cross the road when I walk the streets so I always have room on the pavement.
I ask people for the time at night and they usually throw money at me screaming please don't hurt me.
I have more people to talk to now than I ever did before, the police stop me a lot for a chat, and are always anxious to discuss my holidays, "where have you been", or"where are you going are questions always being thrown at me.
They discuss my car with me, they are always interested to look it over and view my new sound system etc.
I can jump higher than before, I can dance like never before and have even been invited to a clothing party by some gentlemen in the USA, who sent me an email.
I unfortunately cannot go as I cannot afford the air fare and secondly I never wear Neck ties.
So all in all things are great, I hope your house is decorated nice and remember policemen are your friends
 

2_deck_dash

War Hero
Rumrat said:
2_deck_dash said:
I've got man flu, the Police have decided to come and do a spot check at work tomorrow so I will have to babysit two coppers all day, it's fcuking freezing and I've forgotten my coat, I got a puncture on my car the other day and it cost £180 to get a new tyre, my missus has got the painters in so no fun and games for me tonight, my boiler has broken down and British Gas want £50 just to come and look at it, my wife is making quiche for dinner, I fcuking hate quiche, all my mates are indoors playing something called Call of Duty, I'm not allowed an Xbox or PS3 because I have a remote control M*A*S*H Helicopter, I broke my remote control M*A*S*H Helicopter whilst trying to fly it indoors while pissed.

On the plus side, I do have some wine.

Well I need to tell you that you could give all that superficial shite up and turn black.
I did and my life has become wonderful. First my c0ck grew a few more inches,and people cross the road when I walk the streets so I always have room on the pavement.
I ask people for the time at night and they usually throw money at me screaming please don't hurt me.
I have more people to talk to now than I ever did before, the police stop me a lot for a chat, and are always anxious to discuss my holidays, "where have you been", or"where are you going are questions always being thrown at me.
They discuss my car with me, they are always interested to look it over and view my new sound system etc.
I can jump higher than before, I can dance like never before and have even been invited to a clothing party by some gentlemen in the USA, who sent me an email.
I unfortunately cannot go as I cannot afford the air fare and secondly I never wear Neck ties.
So all in all things are great, I hope your house is decorated nice and remember policemen are your friends

Yeah it's great for you gentlemen of colour. As a white man I have to put up with a small cock, I can't listen to rap music without coming across as a walt, I am shite at basketball and dancing, I get sunburnt, the police call me 'Sir' even though I work for a living, I get approached by those charity mugger cnuts in the street because they assume I am rich and worst of all everytime I have sex i run the small risk of producing ginger offspring.
 

Rumrat

War Hero
2_deck_dash said:
Rumrat said:
2_deck_dash said:
I've got man flu, the Police have decided to come and do a spot check at work tomorrow so I will have to babysit two coppers all day, it's fcuking freezing and I've forgotten my coat, I got a puncture on my car the other day and it cost £180 to get a new tyre, my missus has got the painters in so no fun and games for me tonight, my boiler has broken down and British Gas want £50 just to come and look at it, my wife is making quiche for dinner, I fcuking hate quiche, all my mates are indoors playing something called Call of Duty, I'm not allowed an Xbox or PS3 because I have a remote control M*A*S*H Helicopter, I broke my remote control M*A*S*H Helicopter whilst trying to fly it indoors while pissed.

On the plus side, I do have some wine.

Well I need to tell you that you could give all that superficial shite up and turn black.
I did and my life has become wonderful. First my c0ck grew a few more inches,and people cross the road when I walk the streets so I always have room on the pavement.
I ask people for the time at night and they usually throw money at me screaming please don't hurt me.
I have more people to talk to now than I ever did before, the police stop me a lot for a chat, and are always anxious to discuss my holidays, "where have you been", or"where are you going are questions always being thrown at me.
They discuss my car with me, they are always interested to look it over and view my new sound system etc.
I can jump higher than before, I can dance like never before and have even been invited to a clothing party by some gentlemen in the USA, who sent me an email.
I unfortunately cannot go as I cannot afford the air fare and secondly I never wear Neck ties.
So all in all things are great, I hope your house is decorated nice and remember policemen are your friends

Yeah it's great for you gentlemen of colour. As a white man I have to put up with a small cock, I can't listen to rap music without coming across as a walt, I am shite at basketball and dancing, I get sunburnt, the police call me 'Sir' even though I work for a living, I get approached by those charity mugger cnuts in the street because they assume I am rich and worst of all everytime I have sex i run the small risk of producing ginger offspring.

I must admit to having some white genealogy scottish I think because I do remember great grand pappy ebenezer telling pappy that his sister had had been raped by a member of some Klan.
Life is not all brilliant though as my cousin has loads of cars but never seems to keep them long, and my uncle umbazio is always having car accidents but seems to be well compensated. I had to take junior to the sexual health clinic to have his member inspected but they could not do it as the woman only work Monday and Tuesday, so not got enough time.
I have been in prison today visiting my bro, he very worried. There is three men in the cell with him and the judge tell the first he getting ten years for attacking a young girl. He said he give him twelve if she been cut more. He tell the other he getting 15 years for stabbing a woman, but he give him 20 if she die., He tell my bro that he give him 25 years for riding his bike with no lights. He tell him he get 30 if it had been dark.
So all in all things still pretty good and we ate for the third time today since sunday so this sure is easy living in this UK. :roll: :D :wink:
 

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