Letting the boys out of the barracks

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by guestm, Jan 29, 2010.

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  1. Matelots, Booties and Pongos just can't keep the chap stored away can they? Over the years, I have noticed (and been guilty of it myself) that we all like unleashing the bedroom boatrope as often as possible.

    Now we all like to get naked, however; If the social occasion precludes full nakedness, then just waving the two-wheeled porridge cannon will suffice.

    Occasions when I have nearly died with laughter at the exposure of cocks and bollocks:

    Closed up on the bridge at night; the QM, Comms monkey and I spend the entire watch milling around with our genitalia hanging out of our eights. As it is pitch black, no-one can tell.

    Whilst delivering a casex brief, I scan the room and note my oppo standing just to the left of a seated female PWO with his chopper mere centimetres from her ear, smiling like a rapist. How I finished that brief is beyond me.

    A full Air team all with chaps out during an Adex.

    During rounds on OM1s course, whilst chatting to the Officer of the Day, once again an oppo is stroking his manhood in the distance whilst I try to converse without crying.

    Every ships company photo ever, someone will have it out.

    On the gangway.

    During lectures; especially effective when you grab your mates hand and make him touch it. :D

    Every single time you sit in the mess with your back to anyone who has been drinking, if you look up after a tap on the shoulder you can guarantee cock-to-face.

    Anyone have any chap-out dits?
  2. Something similar. In another life when I wore a green suit we rocked up to a job and I ended up trying to convince a psychiatric case that there we no clowns in his living room whilst my oppo was stood behind him wearing a lampshade on his head making Joey Deacon type noises and gurning like the bastard he is/was!!
  3. I used to love walking around the ship in ovies wearing nothing underneath. It was always great fun to go up to people and show them what you found in your pocket by pulling your cock out of the pocket hole.

    There is also a great scene in Chopper where he is stood at the bar with his old boy hanging out.
  4. A Chief Stoker oppo (I had 3 boats with him) always got his out when p1ssed and always precluded with a loud shout of "ever seen a Chief Stoker naked".
    His best was in a restaurant in Bermuda when he and the POMA decided to be the waiters for the night but bollocky from the waist down. I don't think the regular punters were too impressed by being served by 2 half naked pissed submariners, the management certainly weren't.
  5. And the funny thing is, willies are just so not attractive are they?

    Tsk. Blokes!
  6. Most women are gopping aswell, but it doesn't stop you lot trolling around with your growlers out.
  7. Well, as it happens, yes :wink: Not all by any means, and certainly not the ones of the ones who care to flash them about a bit, but some are very nice indeed, thank you very much :lol:
  8. And you taste of Mackerel and a dodgy Monkfish kebab, love it to death though, so why do women like c*ck if it doesn't look nice :?
  9. No I don't you cunt; the merest hint of chloroform and stale semen perhaps, but not fishy.
  10. I get drunk, I get naked, it's what I do!
  11. I hope that your other half isn't offended by that comment.

    Oh, by the way, mine's divs and I've been quite attached to it for the past 46 years thank you very much.
  12. Wasn't talking about your arse you cnut :D
  13. Fair one.Apologies, I am quite protective of my mangina.
  14. witsend

    witsend War Hero Book Reviewer

    I don't like to grant shore leave very often. The lads tend to feel inadequate, honest. :oops:
  15. Trolling around with our growlers out? My, pongo, you sure know how to raise the tone!
  16. As a killick MA in STC Victory Barracks I saw dozens of peni hanging out of trousers, but most of them were oozing green stuff and their owners were seldom in a humorous mood; especially when the procaine penicillin went into their buttocks. :D
  17. I'm available for garden parties and dinner dates. 8O
  18. Warrant reading on Invincible in the JRDH annexe:
    I was fell in with the rest of the ME JR's stood at ease, with the fleet joss commander MEO etc in attendance, killick stoker behind me flops his dick out and touches the palm of my hand with it dirty twat. Much concealed mirth from the lads trying not to cause a ruckus whilst one of our oppos was getting sent over the wall
  19. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    When i was down the Falklands in late '91 with the Queens and the Hampshires (they became the PWRR down there), there was a Hampshire lad who i helped run the 30m range with for the matelots who was always getting it out. His tricks included draping it on some poor persons shoulder till they noticed, shoving a lit fag down his japs eye and swinging it around like a sparkler and wrapping as many 2p pieces with his foreskin as possible and using it as a baton. Mind you, he had done the AACC so that will explain it.

    Me? I used to like dipping mine in peoples beer in the NAAFI. I used to like the tingling effect.
  20. witsend

    witsend War Hero Book Reviewer

    Think I've spun this one on here before. We had a young lad who would quite often whip out the beast from his ovies and then tuck it away in his pocket. This lad had being out on the pish and came back to his cabin with big eats. The next thing he remembers is the defence fire service breaking down his door and wondering why he had a smoking henry hoover nozzle attached to his knob. He claimed he was trying to clean up his big eats, which had fell on the deck. :roll:

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