Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Blackrat, Dec 30, 2009.

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  1. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Or living space to those not in the know.

    Why is it that women take up the entire house? Casa Blackrat is a lovely place situated in the fair town of Uxbridge with plenty of room. Now it's only myself and the misses, but you would be excused if you thought that the entire Soviet 3rd Shock Army lived there. Why? Girly Blackrat owns more clothing than Debenhams, more shoes than Russell & Bromley and more handbags than the fucking RAF. My entire wordly possessions are crammed into a wardrobe not much bigger than an issue locker and my Army kit is hidden in the shed (which is mahoosive by the way, but it's not the point). Every other bit of space belongs to the mem sahib. Try as i might, she won't get rid of anything. I am 100% certain that Hitler banged on about Lebensraum because Eva Braun had the same kleptomaniac tendancies.

    Am i alone in this?
  2. It's not a case of space, it's more if I dare leave something of mine sitting around. Then there'll be a barney. I like to set up my gym bag the night before and leave it on the chair. You'd think I'd nailed a baby to the wall with the reaction I get.

    I don't have enough things to actually test out the space theory, though I'm sure it would be the same :cry:
  3. Mate i just dont understand women full stop. They are such a strange breed that they would even confuse David Attenborough.
  4. Oh bollox. I really must read thread titles more carefully. As this thread is not about ladies indulging in naughtys with other ladies I shall spend a quick 10 mins on spankwire before setting off to work.


    Dissapointed from Cleethorpes
  5. wet_blobby

    wet_blobby War Hero Moderator

    Try living in a house with 3 of the fcukers. The only thing that gets a look in is my wallet. Rag week, well, dont go there, one of them is always bleeding or about to. (I dont know what is worse). There's girlie shite everywhere, I've even got to keep my speights outside because there's no room in the fridge what with all the healthy crap in there. Using the bathroom is a well timed manoeuvre, mind you it is fun dropping a "special" one in there just as their friends come around.

    Blackrat, I sympathies, and yep, that Hitler fella may well have had a point.
  6. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    She's got more evening dresses than Hinge & Brackett. Mind you, she looks the mutts nuts in them but again, why so many? And the shoes. The fucking shoes. They are like rabbits. Everytime i get home there are more of the fuckers, i'm sure of it.
  7. Silly silly boys, you really don't get it do you?

    Never mind. I can't be arsed explaining it to you because the sales are on and I need to buy more shoes/hangbags/spangly things.
  8. I am at this point in rather a quandary about you.
    Your either bored to the point of desperation that you need to rummage in your other half's kit, or the other explanation could be a little more pointed.
    If you now find yourself obsessed with frocks, handbags, and strap sandals, pick yourself a nice little number, do your makeup, and I'll take you up west for the night.
    I'm meeting some nice sailors later and you might get lucky. :wink: :wink: :roll: 8O :D
  9. Where and what time?

    Signed Hopeful of Stoke (call me Lola)
  11. I blame charity shops ...

  12. Blame them? 8O

    We love em :wink: :roll: :oops: :oops:
  13. I got to tell you pal, you can "Blow" your own bugle I'm a percussion man, I love a good "bang" :wink: :D 8O
  14. Jimbo


    BTW I think they are called teddies.
  15. My ploy is that every morning I leave with a pair of shoes/piece of frippery that hasn't been worn by the front bummed one for a week or so and dump it in a handy skip, bin or over a garden wall, you know for damn sure she'll have moved on to some other glittering bauble and will never miss the item.
    Another gambit would be to set up an eBay/TradeMe account and auction off clothes etc from the nether regions of the wardrobe/steppe that is her space, the proceeds can be used to fund your interests such as beer consumption or petrol tank filling.
    If by chance an item is missed deny all knowledge of the item, assist in a thorough search of female storage areas and then reassure the hapless bint that she's got a few years left before full senility sets in.
    Carefull attention should be paid to such remarks as "NO!! I've not worn that for ages!!" or "That's so last year." as this will ping the next likely item for 'extreme measures'.
  16. You can't wear my teddies, their called Honey and scamp. :) :wink:
  17. Fool. All you are doing is making space in the wardrobe for new stuff.
  18. No mate that the Lebanese innit
  19. witsend

    witsend War Hero Book Reviewer

    I sympathize mate. I live with Imelda Marcos MKII, who has a passion for handbags which would make Gok Wan blush. I've learned thru being a submariner to deal with this reduced living space. One pet hate of mine is nothing stays in the same place. For example, you empty the rubbish bin and go to replace the black bag and its not where it was kept last time. This all stretches to keys, passes and Why TF would she move my shaving gel. The cupboard under the stairs where I keep all my tools, well don't get me started on that dumping ground.

    Its going to be handbags at dawn one day!!!!!
  20. I truly would like to be sympathetic but I have my own cross to bear.
    I have been trying to rid the house of all excess baggage, as I have clear and certain intentions, that the other half says she subscribes to.
    I wish to spend a year living on a boat before going back to Australia for my retirement. All this as soon as we have either sold or long leased the house.
    Trouble is its like a conveyor belt, as it goes out one end, she keeps bringing more in. She tells me its stuff for our retirement. I tell her,

    1/ The boat is not going to be Canberra

    2/ There are shops in Oz.

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