Knob Cheese

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by stan_the_man, Jul 18, 2011.

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  1. Old Stan likes to think he's a clean sort of guy showers and shaves regularly, however, during this mornings abolutions I discovered to my horror an enormous amount of Gorgonzola behind my rather small forskin, fcuk me is it a sign of old age lack of use or laziness whilst taking a daily dhoby.
    Missus S doesn't dish out the blowjobs as often these days maybe itS the smell of my ageing wrinkled kurp thats putting her off ???
    Advise please
  2. Invest in a tazer, if she refuses give her 50,000 volts. Tends to re-focus the mind.

    Be proud of your smeg, you grew it, be proud and scrape out the daily offerings onto a dish and see how much you can accumulate per month. It's a good hobby along with earwax collecting.........or is that just me?
  3. witsend

    witsend War Hero Book Reviewer

    Spoon it off and package it in a trendy jar. Then sell it on ebay as mature stan cheddar. Some daft cunt will buy it. Take the cash made to your local massage parlor and that lack of blow jobs problem is sorted.
  4. Surely applying it to someone's morning wet is much more tasteful!
  5. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    There's nothing wrong with a bit of cheese in your stench trench. Push a small cube of pineapple halfway down your hogs eye and present your gnarled root to Mrs Stan as a novelty cocktail hedgehog. No-one can resist that. Next thing you know, she'll be playing on your skin flute harder than that standing-on-one-leg-twat from Jethro Tull.
  6. Thank Fcuk nobady's mentioned circumcission, bet that hurts like fcuk and my knob shrinks even smaller with the thoiught, anyway Mrs S growler smells like a well hung kipper so we are equal there!!
  7. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Well squeeze some lemon juice on there and dive in.
  8. Just for interest the correct name for this smeg is............................Foreskinzola
  9. Nothing wrong with the stuff. I'm rather proud of my personal collection.
  10. I'm jewish so have not a clue wot you blokes are spoutin about. .brushteeth
  11. Pat,

    I dont know how you have the ... ermm ... effrontery to make such a confession:

    Unless you have turned Cath'lick. :-|

    PS In which case your inclusion of that particular smilie is the most apt use of the same that I have seen here for a long time :wink:
  12. I never did understand circumcision ,my son asked it re.his son and I said " Why would you cut some off your Nudger before you know how big it's going to be?"
    Must be good reason though and apart religious grounds.
  13. The Cure.

    One way to erradicate this nasty substance on a permanent basis is:

    (1). Peel back the old helmet sheath and secure it astern with half a roll of Cellotape.
    (2). Now, don a pair of really tight lycra shorts (negative underpants) and go for, say
    a five mile run every day.
    (3). The action of running like f**k in tight shorts with no undercrackers on causes
    your helmet to rub furiously on the inside of said sports kit.
    (4). This effectively removes all traces of anything smelly, as it will adhere to the
    crutch of your running rig (which can be slung in the washing machine on
    a weekly basis).
    (5). Side effects, however are inevitable (a bell-end that is red raw, and glows
    in the dark for one) - BUT there'll be no more dick-stink, I can assure you.

    Yours Sincerely,

    Doctor Ali-Gupta Nocheese Phd. MA. GPMG. RSVP. (Retired)

    * * * * * *
  14. Why the fcuk would I want to go running knickerless in lycra fcuking shorts enough gayers were I live anyway but actually I quite like the stale knob stench you have to get used to it when your my age :)
  15. Pics and a scratch and sniff card, else it aint true!



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