Kitty litter

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Kurtz, Oct 10, 2007.

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  1. Kitty litter is one of those every-day things (if you have a cat) that always makes me cringe inwardly - you know, like the tacky Mint credit card ads that tell of some disaster recalled by the curved shape. Anyway, first bird I ever had the pleasure to be shagged by kept her kitty-litter tray at the side of the toilet, and guess who stood on the edge and flipped the entire contents all over the bathroom? Just wondering, (because I'm fucking bored) if anyone else has a similair cringe-inducing attachment to an every-day object?
    Oh, many years later, had the misfortune to have to shag a bird in her sister's bathroom (because the sister was getting it large from a winger of mine in the bedroom, whilst their other sister was being stern-tubed by a WAFU colleague on the sofa) when the curse of the kitty-litter tray struck again - this time I ended up lying with my head next to the offending item whilst the young lady honed her pole-dancing techniques - most off-putting, I can tell you...
  2. wet_blobby

    wet_blobby War Hero Moderator

    Wardrobes...went through a phase of swamping in them, had moved up to airing cuboards before I completed that particular phase of my life.
  3. Many moons ago I walked into my mums bedroom and proceeded to swamp all over her , she was not very amused .
  4. Did much the same and swamped over the 3 ringer PMO on the Fearless in 84 when I was dragged back onboard 'drunk underage' and taken to the Sickbay!! It even got mentioned at the Skippers Table!
  5. I got up one night and p1ssed in my girlfriend's shoes.

    That particular relationship didn't last too long, especially when I got her name wrong one night. :oops:

    What is it about the RN and swamping?
  6. I stayed overnight at my oppos house, (tenements in Glasgow) after all day sessions in working mans club. I slept on the sofa. I dreamt during the night that I'd got up, went into the cupboard and had a crap - clear as a bell. When I woke up realised I'd been dreaming, but on inspection of my arse with my hand found that indeed I'd had a crap somewhere. Mates missus comes into the front room, opens up the cupboard and I wait for the scream. Nothing - so, with much relief assumed I must had dreamt it after all and only had a small follow thru during my sleep. Then she opened the front door to get the milk from the landing and screeches out - "some dirty fxkn dog has shit on our outside carpet" - there it was all curled down nice and neat. Didn't own up to it. (actually I did years later when we met up at S/M reunion)
  7. Quality dit! :thumright:
  8. A certain aquaintance of mine went for a run ashore with his Mrs and came home absolootly ringbolted.
    When he woke up he found he`d followed through but was on the wrong side of the bed and the Mrs was on his. Both naked.
    After a quick shower he finds his Mrs still asleep so he rolls her on to her side of the bed gets in to his side then shakes her saying "Wake up you dirty bitch look what you`ve done". The marriage did not last long :dwarf:
  9. Pissed as an handcart and staggering up the hill…heading back on board Sea Eagle in Londonderry …late at night and busting for a piss so nipped into a dark allyway and pissed up the wall…..came out through a front door…thought, that`s strange….carried on up the hill.
  10. That I would imagine would be the coconut mat you wipe your feet on before entering house. :glasses6:

  11. Fxxxxxxxg brilliant

  12. Kinnell PMSL .
  13. Best thread for ages , brilliant , :thumright:
  14. my ex-husband was sick in his best friend's (sorry - only friend's) spare bedroom, in the bed where he was himself sleeping, so probably rolled around in it a bit, he was nissed as a pewt at the time. Best friend's wife apparently never got over it.* Once turned up on our anniversary very drunk in a taxi and told me he wasn't wearing any underpants. Very drunk at work after downing a load of booze in the pub at lunchtime, then more whisky due to someone's leaving drinks at work, sitting on the bog, leans forward, sick into underkecks ... charming ...

    20 years later the guy is divorced but he and his mate are still friends ... :thumright:
  15. Letthecatoutofthebag and Grefs - outside carpet was probably a bit of a misnomer, Grefs is correct - it was the little coconut mats the people generally had outside their doors in tenement housing - still do I suspect.

    Agree this thread is amusing - has made me chuckle more than most.
  16. It's not just the RN, but could it be something to do with Jack be being fascinated by water?
  17. Thank God I wasn't on the receiving end of this one. Many years ago whilst on detachment to a since closed RAF station, we were all in a large transit accomodation room. Following a night out "socialising" we all slept well, most of us that is. Sometime in the night I got the impression that someone was swamping in the wooden locker next to my pit. Woke up in the morning thinking what a strange dream, only to hear the bloke in the next pit cry out " some bastard's pissed in my locker". Never did find out who it was, but the poor unfortunate victim had nothing clean to wear. :pukel:
  18. Whilst at CTF345/Northwood mid 70's, I was lucky enough to entice once of the young civilian ladies (who frequented the club) back to my mess (shared with 4 others). Not being particularly shy, we got into my rack and down to business. Half way through turns out someone was under by bed (playing with himself he told me later) told him to bugger off back to his own bed - which he did, but on the way he took what he thought was the young ladies nickers and spent the rest of the night sniffing and doing other odd things with them. She left early hours, I spent next half hour or so looking for my shitnicks - and yes, it was my week old trollies he'd been sniffing all night which he wasn't too impressed with when he realised.

    Bear in mind we'd all had a few bevvies.... ahh... happy days.. :)
  19. wet_blobby

    wet_blobby War Hero Moderator

    Whilst a young thruster in 40 cdo I came back to the grot (the old nissan hut variaty) one thursday night after the normal thursday night run ashore...light bob, turks head, gap etc....

    I was some what shitefaced, the lads had beaten me back to the grot and had "invited" one of the local lasses back with them so where fully engaged in a bit of naked drinking by the time I fell through the door.

    I decided not to participate in the frollicks (small t1ts, big nose) and crawled into my pit. Next minute the munter crawled in next to me (because the lads where being a bit mean to her and she reckoned I wasn't a threat) I promptly fell asleep and woke up about 5 a.m very damp.

    I did what most gentleman soldiers would of done in my position and blamed the bird, fcuk I gave her shite for swamping my pit.... :thumright: .. I can still hear her pathetic attempts to convince me I had done the deed even now.

    Because it was a poets day when I woke up we cleaned up, hovered the floor, cleaned the heads, locked her in one of the lockers, had rounds and then we all shagged her before going out for a DTS.....lust is blind...and damp!!

    funnily enough she adopted B coy after that....but thats another story :dwarf:
  20. I think Zulu Coy had a bird in a locker for a week, only let her out for shagging and the shitter!! Could just be another Zulu legend though. They must have been short on skin and essence that week.
    I think my mattress was almost permanently in the Coy drying room for a while, get it dry, back on pit, swamp it, give it a dhobi, back in the drying room sleeping on grot couch for a day or two then Groundhog Day!!
    My worst experience was of walking through and going arse over tit in a big curly one that some fecker had pinched off in the middle of the grot, dirty feckers these Bootnecks!

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