War Hero
One funny ****** I think you'll have to agree

JonnoJonno said:
You could always spend it with your fingers down your throat, puking up all those pies. You fat grotter.

Any man who forgets to Donkey punch his missus every time she looks like she is getting fat has no place on this forum.

Nearly as funny as Schindler's List. That whore in the red coat really gets it.

Whenever you are questioned by a woman, kick her in the teeth and rape her father.

If violence, and a little diversionary rape would help (and I get my expenses) I'm in.

I've got a toddler seat, but it's gaffa-taped to my sex swing.

You have failed in life.

I'd rather have a reference from Osama Bin Laden.

I'd rather be an action man toy or a coon than that gummy retard wearing the H4H band

That's bloody marvellous that is; you have one little session at the glory hole of a Soho lavatory and all of a sudden it's 'gay this' 'gay that'.

I have it on good authority that your chopper looks like an amputated baby's arm, and the bellend looks like the stump

It would be a futile jesture however, and I would almost certainly have to resort back to my usual methods to instill discipline in my house; shouting and hammers.

I've groomed most of the Newbies into doing vile acts with me in the back of my transit van.

If it works you owe me sex.

The main thing that seperates you from this apple in front of me, is that I have no intention of cumming inside my apple before chopping it in half and eating it.

I'd just like to say that if she goes missing within the next few days it almost certainly wasn't me.

I just beat my missus slightly less on Valentine's day. Money can't buy the sweet look of gratitude smiling toothlessly from her bruised face.

Man up you fairy; who cares what she 'lets' you do.

You don't mind if I smuggle your corpse into a gypsy funeral caravan and watch you go up in smoke surrounded by the wordly possessions of a stinking pikey?

I hope your children die.

I bummed someone with your name in Bristol once. She was lovely.

Danni rocks and will defo be into *******.

I'd feel better if I was in a sound proof room with your mother, a length of razorwire and a bucket of viagra.

They all sound the same when they have my Hermes silk tie wrapped around their porcelain-white throats.

I'd sell it to the Iranians and bugger off with my profits to Gambia, to shag AIDS ridden whores

I'll do her for you mate. I reckon I could give enough kink to either kill her or convert her into the bleary-eyed, rocking-back-and-forth kind of wet blanket you'll prefer.

I had a GF who used to come if you let her lick your eyeballs. That was some crazy shit, and it ended when one day she nearly sucked one of my eye ball out. Knocking her out was a bit of a downer to the love.

If you put a baby into a food-processor it is best to have the blades running first, otherwise it just spins around the bowl screaming.

We have a huge bonfire once a month, and burn coons. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm toasty.

If you're not allergic to latex, razor wire, excrement and have no particular phobias around needles, gang rape or cement, I'll take you on.

If only people realised that Hitler was the Holy Spirit.

Try a conehead ****; just before you're about to come, get your mum to change hands

Get your carer to take your head wand off, you dibbling spastic.

You can't even lick a school girls's bum in exchange for a haribo these days. It's an outrage.

I only came to this site to groom junior sailors and pick up some tips from the Royals on date rape.

I'm a hero, but only because I happily bare-back Kenyan hookers and enjoy nothing more than going down on gypsies on the blob.

Don't worry love; if you're as fit as I think, and hope, you'll spend most of your time at sea with your arse stuck out of your bunk space, being rear-ended by all hands

She's got 'Down's mother' written all over her face

She won't fully decompose for a good number of weeks mate. Her cadaver still has potential so get your vinegar strokes in quick; she'll get even slimmer dead

If you let me lick your bum I'll cook you dinner

Don't knock it; the more fatties there are out there the less competition us athletically minded folk will have on the pull!

Probably better to kill yourself you short-sighted throbber

I like 'em skinny and ill looking

We haven't met yet. Are you the site bike?

I want to pull your arms off then shit in your sister's vagina whilst your entire family look-on from their piano-wire nooses, suspended from the roof beams of your burnt-out home.

You could always just play him along by asking if he is into kinky stuff. When he asks like what, smash him to near unconsciousness and shit in his mouth. Walk away saying 'same time next week lover?'

Find two tramps, one more infirm than the other. Give the infirm one a can of special brew, and the stronger of the two a cheap Opinel knife. Sit back and watch

It's friday so it has to be fish and chips. Once you have eaten that you can still go to McDonalds and have a crafty wank whilst looking at Primark-clad peasants
I just stop beating her quite so hard through the festive season. The smile peaking through her toothless grid, and the drying of her eyes for the first time in 11 months and 3 weeks is a picture to behold.

If you can make a 17 year old scouse EasyJet stewardess cry, then you have all the bullying credentials you need to make a crab burst into tears. And as we know, all that takes is a swift kick in the **** and the theft of her 4 carat gold hoop earrings

9 out of 10 of all striking postmen should be upended into their pallet-burning oil drum fires at the gates of their depot. I even skiff my own letter box flap I hate them that much. I wish cancer upon all of them

Never met a dyslexic who couldn't spell the condition. I wager you are pulling that card to cover up the fact that you're just thick as mince.

She looks like the sort of mong a sex club drags in for bukkake night when the doctor's wife has got a coldsore. Dreadful specimen.

On the same trip I was sucked-off by a history of art student round the back of a Gustav Klimt exhibition.

"who gets date raped?"

One tablet (of dubious origin), a game of roulette using bottles of Smirnoff Ice, and an arse the size of a windsock the next day. A game you can play with strangers aswell.

I have rather a wonderful penis aswell, and after a couple of viagra I can knock a croquet hoop into a slate snooker table

It was late, I was drunk and my sister was 6 months gone with my child.

I only came on here to compare the contents of my rape kit with people who almost certainly have more international experience in this matter.

Clubbing kids and hookers in Rotherham and playfully massaging their kydneys with my distended man meat comes a close second to a dirty, sexually ambiguous naval type windmilling through a Eastern Asian school playground.

So far I have a hammer, sweets, a crochet hook and a wonderful gaffa tape that could restrain a 23 stone single mother in a chip shop.


You've put some real effort into collating those quotes haven't you, you weirdo.


I think you might have a stalker mate. Truly scary.


War Hero
thereverend said:
As audio I wouldn't be surprised if most of them could also be used as evidence in court

Did you fit this compilation together between the train spotting? or instead of? 8O :wink:


War Hero
Rumrat said:
thereverend said:
As audio I wouldn't be surprised if most of them could also be used as evidence in court

Did you fit this compilation together between the train spotting? or instead of? 8O :wink:

Train spotting? Did you not see what MLP wrote about the stalker? I compiled it whilst waiting in the bushes outside his house before I started to go light headed due to the latex mask and passed out with a amyl nitrate soaked satsuma in my mouth.


Montigny-La-Palisse said:
You've put some real effort into collating those quotes haven't you, you weirdo.


I think you might have a stalker mate. Truly scary.

What the fuck is this?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 8O 8O 8O