jokes

#1
Thought 1

When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?

Thought 2

The average man's life consists of:

Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going, Forty years
of having his wife ask the same question; and at the end, the mourners
wondering too.

Thought 3

A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, "If you
take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The
man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him.. The man was
astonished.

He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again
the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car
will run over you, and you will die." The man did as he was instructed,
just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

The man asked. "Who are you?" "I am your guardian angel," the voice
answered. "Oh, yeah?" the man asked "And where the hell were you when I
got married?"

This is the Best !!!

Thought 4

Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her
father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom. They reached
the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed
some thing in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given
to the father by the bride.

The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to
divulge the secret and say something. So he announced "Ladies and
Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life." Then he raised his hands
with what his daughter gave him and continued, "My daughter finally,
finally returned my credit card to me."

The whole audience including the priest erupted in laughter .......... all
except the poor Groom!!
 
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