Jokes

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lady walks into a supermarket. On her way round she sees the fellow who had been rather close to her the previous evening, after they had met at a club. He was stacking washing powder boxes on to the shelves. “You lying bastard,” she shouts, “last night you told me that you were a stunt pilot.” “No,” he says, “I told you that I was a member of the Ariel display team.”
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A cabbie picks up a Nun. The nun gets into the cab and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: “I have a question to ask, but I don’t want to offend you.”She answers, “My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.” “Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”She responds, “Well, let’s see what we can do about that... 1) You have to be single and 2) You must be Catholic.” The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I’m single and Catholic!”“OK” the nun says. “Pull into the next alley.”The nun fulfils his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. “My dear child,” said the nun, “why are you crying?”“Forgive me, but I’ve sinned. I lied, and I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish.”The nun says, “That’s OK. My name is Kevin and I’m going to a Halloween party!”
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Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy "I'm gonna have the day off. I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!"He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts "I'M A LIGHTBULB!..I'M A LIGHT BULB!" Murphy watches in amazement! The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home" So he leaves the site. Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well."Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman."I can't work in the friggin' dark!" says Murphy.------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Apparently neither of these two were very amused either . . .

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//H - Which clown posted that crap in the 'Jokes' Thread?

M - Aye: Outrageously offensive to ladies, shelf stackers, stunt pilots, cabbies, nuns, catholics, jews, Kevins, Paddies, Murphies, and foremen - 'specially all those poor black ones sprinkled amongst 'em.

H - and all the ginger ones, don't forget us ginger ones, honeychile.

M - Taxis, too.

H - Nah, not yet hon - We'll stay here in LA until Christmas* at least.//


*CLAIRE TOUREILLE FOR MAILONLINE PUBLISHED: 12:56, 4 October 2020 | UPDATED: 19:01, 4 October 2020 =

<<...The Duke, 36, and Duchess of Sussex, 39, are set to host their own Christmas soirée in Los Angeles and plan on inviting his 'surrogate' dad, Canadian record producer David, and his wife Katharine McPhee, The Mirror has reported...>>
 

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