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This morning, I put on my trainers (made in Indonesia), got in my car (made in Germany), drove to my local supermarket (owned by Americans), bought a pack of my favourite beer (brewed in Belgium) and some chocolate for the missus (made in Switzerland), was served by a male cashier (Czech), went back to my car where I was asked if I wanted it washed (by a man from Ghana), got back home (built by some Polish guys), kissed my wife (Thai) and sat down to watch the news on my TV (made in Japan). I saw an interview with Nick Griffin, which made me realise something...
Out on her royal yacht the queen was enjoying the sea air when she spied a man in the water off the port bow - clearly being menaced by a very large shark.
Through her binoculars she could see it was Christiano Ronaldo, the renowned expensive transfer fee footballer; struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 20 foot shark!
The queen ordered the captain to change course to try and save the poor man, but she knew the yachts top speed would never get them there in time.
At that exact moment a speedboat containing three men wearing white tops sped into view.
One of the men took aim at the shark and fired a harpoon into its ribs, immobilising it instantly.
The other two reached out and pulled Ronaldo from the water and, using long clubs, beat the shark to death.
They bundled the bleeding, semi-conscious Ronaldo into the speedboat along with the dead shark and prepared for a hasty retreat, when they heard frantic calling ......"You there"
It was the Queen calling them to the yacht.
On reaching the yacht the Queen went into raptures about the rescue and said, "I'll give you a knighthood for your brave actions. I thought the England team would hate Ronaldo after wanting such a lucrative transfer fee to a foreign club and behaving so badly in the last world cup. But I see that the England team are true heroes and should serve as a model for sportsmanship to other countries."
She knighted them and sailed away.
As she departed Rooney asked the others, "Who was that?!"
"That," Beckham answered, "was our Queen. She rules the Commonwealth"
Lampard then said "she knows everything about our country."
"Well," Rooney replied,â€ she knows F**K ALL about shark fishing...