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Jokes/email funnies/captions - muster here

Tony the farmer was in the fertilised egg business He had several
hundred young laying hens (pullets) and eight or ten roosters, whose
job was to fertilise the eggs.

Tony kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the
soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time so he
bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell
had a different tone so Tony could tell from a distance, which rooster
was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an
efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.

Farmer Tony's favourite rooster was old Gordon, and a very fine
specimen he was too. But on this particular morning Tony noticed old
Gordon's bell hadn't rung at all!

Tony went to investigate. All the other roosters were chasing pullets,
bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run
for cover. But to farmer Tony's amazement, Gordon had his bell in his
beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do the business
and walk on to the next one.

Tony was so proud of Gordon, he entered him in the West Berks County
Fair and Gordon became an overnight sensation among the judges. The
result was the judges not only awarded Gordon the No Bell Peace Prize
but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.

Clearly Gordon was a politician in the making: Who else but a
politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted
awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace
and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

Do you know a Politician called Gordon?
 
Mongo Wogchops the african boxer who lost both legs below the knee in a car accident, has sucessfully returned to the ring.
He has now won ten fights without de feet !
 
PRESS RELEASE:

RENAULT & FORD TO MERGE



Renault & Ford are working together to build a small car.


They are using the Renault Clio & the Ford Taurus as a basis for the new zippy little car, the new model will be called “Clitaurusâ€.


The car comes in pink, with fur on the dash.


Note: - Models assembled in Brazil will not offer the fur option.
 
There once was a Viking who had a blind wife. He always brought her something of the loot from his voyages. Once, he asked her if there was something special she wanted. "Yes", she said, "I'd really like to have a good hod to carry the coal in."

Well, however much the Viking looked and searched during the fighting and pillaging, all he could find was an old, battered sink. So, he took that home.

His wife was very happy. This proves that a sink is as good as a hod to a blind Norse.
 
Apparently, the real reason why Camilla didn't attend the D-Day remembrance celebrations in Normandy yesterday was because the French eat horses.

Just playing safe, then... :laughing8:
 
Apparently Gollum Brown has been offered a new job at B&Q. A spokesman for the company said: "We think he will bring plenty of experience to B&Q - his cabinet dis-assembling skills are second to none..."
 
XRD shouts to his Wife, Taloolah: "Yey, honey. Come here and take a look at my clock!"

So Taloolah drops what she is doing and goes to the bedroom, to find XRD laying naked on the bed.

"That's not a clock," Taloolah explains.

"It will be," says XRD. "When you put a face and two hands on it..."
 
An Arabic family was considering putting their grandfather (Abdullah) in a nursing home.
All the Arabic facilities were completely full so they had to put him in an Italian home. After a few weeks in the Italian facility, they came to visit Grandpa.

"How do you like it here?" asks the grandson.

"It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful" says Grandpa.

"We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you. You know, since you are a little different from everyone."
''Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents", Abdullah says with a big smile.

"There's a musician here-- he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him 'Maestro'!
"There is a judge in here -- he's 95 years old. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him 'Your Honour'!
''There's a dentist here 90 years old. He hasn't fixed a tooth for 25 years and everyone still calls him 'Doctor'!
"And me - I haven't had sex for 35 years and they still call me "The Fcuking Arab."
 
So The Apprentice winner has been announced. It must have been very hard for Sir Alan to make a decision with two very strong female applicants in the final.

Anyway, the bird with the biggest tits won it.
 
As I sat in the living room my 5 year old shouted at me from the back door.

'I can't hear you if you're shouting from outside,' I said.

Again, he shouted back.

'I told you, I can't hear you from there. It's rude to shout. If you want me to hear you, walk into the living room,' I replied.

A few moments later my son appeared in the living room.

'Dad, I've got dog shit all over my shoes.'
 

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