My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood.
We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I am in a bad mood, it leaves a big ******* red mark on her forehead.
I just got *NETFLIX* and me and her decided to sit down and she wanted to watch a nice sort of comedy romance."Could you find a film on NetFlix that reminds you of the last time we made love?" she asks."Okay darling", I said. She trotted off to get the chilled wine and a tin of Cadburys Heroes and by the time she got back in the living room, I was sat in front of the Flat-screen TV watching *Enter the Dragon* And THAT'S why I'm sleeping in the shed out the back. B.N.M.
A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office.The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one heck of a hurry I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anaesthetic, I don't have time for the gums to get numb. I just want you to pull the tooth and be done with it! We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:30 already... I don't have time to wait for the anaesthetic to work!"The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain." So the dentist asks him, "Which tooth is it sir?" The man turned to his wife and said,"Open your mouth love, and show him."