Joke that made I giggle

janner

MIA
Book Reviewer
I got call to meet my boss. When when I walked in the office he said, “Willows gently swaying in the wind, Cherry blossoms in full bloom, Birch's shimmering in the sunlight”
I said, “Enough of the pleasant trees what do you want?”

My local supermarket keeps moving the stationary department, that can’t be right.

To the person who stole my place in the queue.. I'm after you!!!!..

Diana Ross made it crystal clear to me that she likes to drink Guinness
She said, “I'm drinking stout, I want to world to know.”

Yesterday I went to Kensington Palace to give Prince William a haircut for his birthday.
I said to the policeman, “Can you let me in to the car park, I'm here to cut Prince William's hair?”
The policeman said “Have you got a permit?”
“No, just taking a bit off the back

I bought couple of paperbacks from the charity shop and put a swede on the counter.
"What's that..??" ,the assistant asked.
I replied " A turnip for the books.."
 

janner

MIA
Book Reviewer
English teacher: "Name something beginning with B that you're not very good at".
Me: "Spelling"

Had a fall out with my joinery tutor.
Massive chip on his shoulder that bloke!

I've just returned from a holiday in Somnia.
The food was good but I didn't sleep too well.

My Mate who has a stutter, was telling us about his Nana.
By the time he finished, we were all singing Hey Jude.

Our neighbour was run over by a steam roller today, hospital staff say friends and family can visit him in wards 8, 9 and 10

My geography teacher asked if I could name a country without an R in it.
I said "No way".
 

taffscrivs

War Hero
Divorce court judge: 'Mickey Mouse you can't divorce Minnie Mouse just because she has protruding teeth'.
Mickey Mouse: 'I didn't say that, I said she was f*cking Goofy!'
 

janner

MIA
Book Reviewer
Make a Firefly simply by rubbing two Stick insects together.....

I went to my baker's funeral.
The flour arrangements were stunning.

A friend of mine was wounded with a starting pistol.
Police think it's a race related crime.

My mate upset his wife, they were in Madam Tussauds yesterday, looking around the Chamber of Horrors. All he said to her was.
'I'd keep moving if I was you love, they're stocktaking today’
….
My friend in London is so posh she thinks a creche is a road traffic accident in Knightsbridge.

My hose pipe got blocked so I spun it around my head and I could hear the song ‘ You really got me’. I think it had a kink in it.
 

slim

War Hero
FUMING!!!
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Just been asked by a group of kids outside Tesco if I would get them 20 Richmonds. Stupidly I did and got them a packet, handed them over, you should have seen the abuse I got off them after it!!
Cheeky little *****
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Told them next time you can get your own sausages!!!!!
 

janner

MIA
Book Reviewer
I just bought a really expensive boomerang and have decided
I dont want it.
Any ideas on how I can return it?

The taxi driver wouldn't accept a tip this morning.
I thought, 'Fare enough'.

Every time I go into my boss' office she tells me take a seat.
I have 14 now.

I'm quite disappointed with the Rolling Stones merchandise shop
You can't always get what you want.

I’ve just been offered the job of running all of ‘old Macdonalds farms!
I’ll be the CIEIO.

I accidentally swallowed a padlock.
I'm in hospital now waiting for key hole surgery
 

Salty-Dog

War Hero
Quote:
I'm quite disappointed with the Rolling Stones merchandise shop
You can't always get what you want.

Guess you can't get no satisfaction?
 
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