Joke that made I giggle

[janner]

I got call to meet my boss. When when I walked in the office he said, “Willows gently swaying in the wind, Cherry blossoms in full bloom, Birch's shimmering in the sunlight”
I said, “Enough of the pleasant trees what do you want?”
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My local supermarket keeps moving the stationary department, that can’t be right.
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To the person who stole my place in the queue.. I'm after you!!!!..
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Diana Ross made it crystal clear to me that she likes to drink Guinness
She said, “I'm drinking stout, I want to world to know.”
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Yesterday I went to Kensington Palace to give Prince William a haircut for his birthday.
I said to the policeman, “Can you let me in to the car park, I'm here to cut Prince William's hair?”
The policeman said “Have you got a permit?”
“No, just taking a bit off the back
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I bought couple of paperbacks from the charity shop and put a swede on the counter.
"What's that..??" ,the assistant asked.
I replied " A turnip for the books.."

 

[Topstop]

I bought a little statue of Isaiah at a car boot for £1 and only got £2 when I sold it online, shouldn’t grumble really after all a prophet is a prophet

Son of Amos? 1. Isaiah (than the other)

 

[janner]

English teacher: "Name something beginning with B that you're not very good at".
Me: "Spelling"
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Had a fall out with my joinery tutor.
Massive chip on his shoulder that bloke!
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I've just returned from a holiday in Somnia.
The food was good but I didn't sleep too well.
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My Mate who has a stutter, was telling us about his Nana.
By the time he finished, we were all singing Hey Jude.
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Our neighbour was run over by a steam roller today, hospital staff say friends and family can visit him in wards 8, 9 and 10
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My geography teacher asked if I could name a country without an R in it.
I said "No way".

 

[taffscrivs]

Divorce court judge: 'Mickey Mouse you can't divorce Minnie Mouse just because she has protruding teeth'.
Mickey Mouse: 'I didn't say that, I said she was f*cking Goofy!'

 

[janner]

Make a Firefly simply by rubbing two Stick insects together.....
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I went to my baker's funeral.
The flour arrangements were stunning.
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A friend of mine was wounded with a starting pistol.
Police think it's a race related crime.
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My mate upset his wife, they were in Madam Tussauds yesterday, looking around the Chamber of Horrors. All he said to her was.
'I'd keep moving if I was you love, they're stocktaking today’
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My friend in London is so posh she thinks a creche is a road traffic accident in Knightsbridge.
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My hose pipe got blocked so I spun it around my head and I could hear the song ‘ You really got me’. I think it had a kink in it.

 

[slim]

FUMING!!!

Just been asked by a group of kids outside Tesco if I would get them 20 Richmonds. Stupidly I did and got them a packet, handed them over, you should have seen the abuse I got off them after it!!
Cheeky little *****

Told them next time you can get your own sausages!!!!!

 

[janner]

I just bought a really expensive boomerang and have decided
I dont want it.
Any ideas on how I can return it?
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The taxi driver wouldn't accept a tip this morning.
I thought, 'Fare enough'.
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Every time I go into my boss' office she tells me take a seat.
I have 14 now.
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I'm quite disappointed with the Rolling Stones merchandise shop
You can't always get what you want.
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I’ve just been offered the job of running all of ‘old Macdonalds farms!
I’ll be the CIEIO.
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I accidentally swallowed a padlock.
I'm in hospital now waiting for key hole surgery

 

[Salty-Dog]

Quote:
I'm quite disappointed with the Rolling Stones merchandise shop
You can't always get what you want.
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Guess you can't get no satisfaction?

 

[Waspie]

Quote:
I'm quite disappointed with the Rolling Stones merchandise shop
You can't always get what you want.
…
Guess you can't get no satisfaction?

Wild Horses wouldn't get me in there!!!

 

[Salty-Dog]

Wild Horses wouldn't get me in there!!!

Must be heading for your 19th Nervous Breakdown

 

[Waspie]

Must be heading for your 19th Nervous Breakdown

Probably!

Unless I get an Emotional Rescue!!!!

 

[Waspie]

Right, Thats The Last Time. I'm out of Stones titles now!!!!!