Joining when married

Discussion in 'Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting' started by Dazed_and_Confused, Feb 5, 2008.

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  1. Hi everyone, first post.

    I have always wanted to join the forces but have been brow beaten into doing other more sensible things. Now I want to go for it. I am however going to be married very soon to a lovely young lass down in Wiltshire. She is very happy in her job there and is not going to want to move any time soon. We haven't got any kids or a mortgage or any of those other ties, but basically I want to know if I'm totally stupid for considering this and how it would work out. I would be applying for a commission as a warfare officer, so I know I would disappear off to BRNC for a year at least, but from then onwards just how much would I be shafting our married life? Do different branches of the navy have different lengths/frequencies of deployment? And is it possible to avoid being posted to some of the more exotic destinations (such as Faslane!)? I am not being unrealistic, I know that by going after this long held ambition I am going to be away a hell of a lot and you can't really influence your posting, but I just wanted to hear some words of wisdom from some of the experienced heads on here.

  2. As a baby bridge chimp you're realistically looking at the first 12 years of your career at sea, with any shore jobs being Faslane, Portsmouth, Plymouth or Dartmouth. So you're consigning your relationship to weekends only.

    It is achievable, but not easy.

    You'll have he odd short course, but even then will be weekending it.

    If you think the relationship can cope with that level of stress then it's up to you.
  3. Ninja_Stoker

    Ninja_Stoker War Hero Moderator

    Welcome D & C

    Doubtless the advice will flow thick & fast, but your AFCO will be able to advise the intricacies of married life in the service. I'd estimate about 30% of the RN workforce is married & around 30% of the total RN have children as an additional consideration.

    Assuming your partner works & has a skill that can be transferred as you move every 3 years or so, nothing could be simpler. Your partner can, if they wish live in married quarters in your base area.

    It takes, in my opinion, a special kind of relationship to deal with the separation aspects. On average around every 18 months you can expect a continuous 6 month deployment away from the UK. (Your partner may fly out to join you for some overseas leave depending when/where you are & providing you are in one place long enough to take a week or more off).

    You can specify preferred areas to your Appointer & areas to avoid, but when all's said & done you have to take the rough with the smooth & go where you are sent. (literally).

    Good luck.
  4. Firstly let me say... i have no service time so I'm only responding to the personal side of this..

    If you continue to ignor your own needs , they will one day come back to haunt you, ask yourself if your willing NOT to do the one thing that you desire IS your prospective wife willing to DO the same for you.

    Have you actualy sat down and talked about this to your lady. She may be more than willing to share in your dream.

    Marriage is about give and take.... the balance must be carefully maintained for it to be a happy AND healthy life experience..

    I can honestly say that after 17 years of marriage i have no real regrets. but then again I'm a old fart that has lived long enough to learn this fact of life.!

    One cannot live life on regrets it only causes pain and anger which in turn can destroy you and your loved ones.
  5. The following may sound a tad brutal, but it's not meant to be. I can never understand why people, married or not, who wish to join the RN, especially as a Warfare Officer, always seem to ask about how long they might be away from home or how they can avoid such and such a place, etc. Being away from home and being posted to places other than your first choice are what being in the Royal Navy is about, isn't it?

    Perhaps you should try to find something in the Royal Navy which will give you more chance of being ashore at the establishment of your 'choice'. If that doesn't appeal you could consider joining the Army or RAF. Wiltshire, you say? How about joining the AGC (Adjutant General Corp) at LAND, specialising in management information systems, perhaps,? What about the RAF? Air Traffic Control? Human Resources? Do they remain pretty static? I don't know. Anybody else got any ideas?

    I know you say you understand you may be away sometimes, but the impression I get is that what you're really looking for is a nine-to-five job, but one that comes with being seen to be an Officer in the Royal Navy.

    I think I'm asking you 'How much do you want it?' But good luck, whatever you decide to do. :thumright:
  6. See bold

    I know this probably isn't very helpful but the brutal truth is i have a friend who works Air Tragic oops Air Traffic Control in the RAF and after less than 3 years she's wrapping her hand in and doing something else because she's bored out of her skull!! Same goes i'm afraid with the other 9-5 type jobs within the Armed forces. have you concidered the Reserve Forces??
  7. Ninja_Stoker

    Ninja_Stoker War Hero Moderator

    Absolutely agree with that suggestion & Harry's observations. If you seek stability & a 9-5 job then there's not much point joining the RN to be honest. When all's said & done it's a job first & foremost which is extremely demanding in many aspects, not least predictability.

    The RNR, whist you still may face compulsory mobilisation, is generally a little more predictable over a longer period.
  8. Cheers for your replies everyone. Nine to Five isn't really what I'm after, I do that at the moment and I'm not loving it. Just want to know what I'd be letting the future missus in for. I am hopefully attending a Recruit Acquaint Evening next week with my local RNR. I figure that'll either scratch the itch so to speak or just make me want to do it full time even more. Either way that should help.
  9. No worries hope it sorts itself out mate as we all have to get things out of our systems from time to time!! My latest hairbrain scheme is skiing across Finland with an oppo unsupported!!
  10. D&C

    Unlike the others I think you answer is sensible. Most of us joined unemcumbered straight from school so it was of to see the world, but you are both older and have a wife who even if you don't care does care and wants some answers. In my day most of us spent varied periods away and many did not live in quarters and at best got home at weekends and annual leave periods. As it was all we had known it never seemed to be a problem, in fact living at home took a bit of getting used to when I left.

    I was a submariner and boats probably have a more stable cycle than skimmers, and in my opinion is a better place to be a warfare officer anyway. As for the marriage surviving, I have a suspicion that if it is going to go tits up it will what ever you do, so go for the dream.
  11. Maxi,

    What's up? What do you mean by "Unlike the others I think your answer is sensible?"? I and others asked D&C to ask himself whether HE really wants it and all the uncertainties which come with it - such contingencies being part and parcel of life in a blue suit!! If D&C cannot answer that then he ought to think about doing something else. Sounds just as sensible and pragmatic as .. er .. 'the relationship could still go tits up so go for the dream!' ;P
  12. Repeat after me, brain gear engage, should have read "question", well it's monday and it's pissing down here, can't think of any more excuses for my incompetance just now.
  13. D&C,

    Please excuse me for talking about you in your presence! :thumright:


    Ha Ha. :thumright: Okay, but I still don't get "Unlike the others I think your question is sensible?". My previous post still stands, I think.

    I don't think anyone treated DCs question as daft, but I did query whether it betrayed something else i.e. a bit of wishful thinking that because he has a missus to consider he should be thinking about findind a shore-based nine-to-five job with the RN. Fair enough if he had already been in a few years, but he ain't even joined up yet! Is it a good idea to go to Dartmouth in such circumstances? What if DCs personal circumstances lead to stress, both for him and Mrs DC and he feels compelled to drop out? Well, without sounding harsh a much sought after place will have been wasted; he would have taken somebody else's place, somebody who might have relished the idea of sailing off to far flung places shooting up the natives, intercepting drug runners, helping hurricane victims, or whatever, in short the place of someone who wished to be a fully active Royal Navy Officer.

    My suggestions about Army and RAF careers were serious and meant to be helpful, but I'm glad D&C has the opportunity to attend an RNR acquaint meeting, perhaps his partner could go with him.

    PS It's sunny here. :)
  14. Although sunny in the UK is always a relative term. :)
  15. I get your drift, but I still think that if it is what he wants, and he says it is, he should run with it, if the AIB select him then they think he is in with a shout, and they have seen more of him that you or I. I saw some pretty anchorfaced mates drop out during my training, and some marginals go on to do well. Equally I don't really think that any one who has selected Warfare as their specialisation is ever going to be happy as a Crab or a Pongo, and certainly not driving a desk in any of the services.
  16. I can see what you're all saying, and I can definitely see all points of view. The fact is I'm a muppet for not following the dream earlier in life, but I didn't. I of course want to go and shoot up some natives, who doesn't, and live the life fully, I'm just trying to square it with the responsibilities I am about to shoulder. I appreciate that on an internet forum I can only get so much information, as you don't know me etc. just wanted some interesting and thought provoking feedback. Which is exactly what I got, so thanks again. I'll go along to the aquaint evening, see whats what, and talk it through with the one navy person I know, ironically my intended's uncle. He recently retired as a Commander in the FAA, so his experiences may not be too relevant to what I want to do, but it all helps right?
  17. In case you're all waiting for an update, and I know you are, I spoke to the intended last night and she surprised me. She said that it had worried her for a while that I wasn't going to pursue my military ambitions because of her, as she didn't want me resenting her in the future. So I've had a chat with a careers advisor, got some info on the way about the warfare branch and some forms to fill out, and I'm off to the RNR evening on Monday.

    Maxi_77 mentioned that submarine service is more stable than the surface fleet. This surprised me, but submarines and mine clearance diving are the two areas I am most interested in. There may be a thread aboutt his already, I'll have a look, but I'm assuming choices like these are made once you are in the service, and have no bearing on selection. Is that correct?
  18. Ninja is the man to speak to on detail like that, it wasn't when I did it many years ago but I understand that they expect you to choose before you apply now. The man at the office is supposed to know the rules. Good luck
  19. well done lad.... communiction is always the way forward...
  20. Good news about your gf.

    Ninja is your man, but i am fairly certain that mine clearance diving is something you can have the option to specialise in once your a warfare officer.

    I believe if you want to go for submarines then you have to apply for warfare officer submarines. But i'm not sure on that. i seem to remember someone saying they had to tick a box in one of their forms if they were willing to go on a submarine.

    Ninja is the man to answer really

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