Job Application p*ss takes!

#1
Right, thought this might give us all a little giggle. I've been filling in alot of application forms for the past week (moved back to the UK) and I got to thinking 'what if I was taking the p*ss, what would I write?'.

So, below is my 'p*ss take', now let's see yours! copy and paste the below and off you go :afro:

Job Application form;

Have you received good customer service? And why was it memorable?

Yes, the other night, I was with a male escort, he had a tongue like Alton Tower's Nemisis....................had me screaming within seconds.

What makes a job working with Costa Coffee, the right job for you?

I am team dynamic, therefore, I can sit on my arse all day, drink coffee and blame someone else for it.


How did you hear about this position?

Right, I was with my mother (Bridget Fonda), walking our many pure bred Alsatians , when the conversation came up on 'the aspects of human weakness in the 3rd world'. When mother dearest mentioned that 'Costa coffee' were looking for employees.
 
#2
I'm sure some people would find this funny, but having seen some real applications (no, not the apocryphal internet ones, but real ones my missus received) you would have to go a long way to better these accidental comedians.
 
#3
OK, I'll give it a go:


Job Application form;

Have you received good customer service? And why was it memorable?

Yes, I had to call a call centre to complain about the standard of my Japanese built washing machine, which I had purchased from an American company in a British shop. When I got through to the call centre, based in Delhi for obvious financial reasons, I was greeted warmly by somebody called David. As I had been up for 24 hours on the piss prior to this call, I'm afraid that I was speaking in complete and utter gibberish, imagine my surprise when Dave matched this by assuming a silly accent and speaking complete gibberish back to me, after 30 minutes of conversation I was no closer to getting my washing machine fixed, but had managed to purchase a new daughter from Dave for only 20 US Dollars.

What makes a job working with Costa Coffee, the right job for you?

I am very good at pretending to be Italian and I like the way that coffee beans look a little bit like the arse of a fit young woman, hence complete and utter enjoyment and self pleasure all day (don't worry I will wash my hands ocassionally)

How did you hear about this position?

Its a position? What, you mean like Missionary or 69, how do you assume the 'Costa Coffee' position then? Would a knowledge of Yoga help?
 
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