Job Application p*ss takes!

D

Deleted 7

Guest
Right, thought this might give us all a little giggle. I've been filling in alot of application forms for the past week (moved back to the UK) and I got to thinking 'what if I was taking the p*ss, what would I write?'.

So, below is my 'p*ss take', now let's see yours! copy and paste the below and off you go :afro:

Job Application form;

Have you received good customer service? And why was it memorable?

Yes, the other night, I was with a male escort, he had a tongue like Alton Tower's Nemisis....................had me screaming within seconds.

What makes a job working with Costa Coffee, the right job for you?

I am team dynamic, therefore, I can sit on my arse all day, drink coffee and blame someone else for it.


How did you hear about this position?

Right, I was with my mother (Bridget Fonda), walking our many pure bred Alsatians , when the conversation came up on 'the aspects of human weakness in the 3rd world'. When mother dearest mentioned that 'Costa coffee' were looking for employees.
 

Joe_Crow

War Hero
I'm sure some people would find this funny, but having seen some real applications (no, not the apocryphal internet ones, but real ones my missus received) you would have to go a long way to better these accidental comedians.
 
OK, I'll give it a go:


Job Application form;

Have you received good customer service? And why was it memorable?

Yes, I had to call a call centre to complain about the standard of my Japanese built washing machine, which I had purchased from an American company in a British shop. When I got through to the call centre, based in Delhi for obvious financial reasons, I was greeted warmly by somebody called David. As I had been up for 24 hours on the piss prior to this call, I'm afraid that I was speaking in complete and utter gibberish, imagine my surprise when Dave matched this by assuming a silly accent and speaking complete gibberish back to me, after 30 minutes of conversation I was no closer to getting my washing machine fixed, but had managed to purchase a new daughter from Dave for only 20 US Dollars.

What makes a job working with Costa Coffee, the right job for you?

I am very good at pretending to be Italian and I like the way that coffee beans look a little bit like the arse of a fit young woman, hence complete and utter enjoyment and self pleasure all day (don't worry I will wash my hands ocassionally)

How did you hear about this position?

Its a position? What, you mean like Missionary or 69, how do you assume the 'Costa Coffee' position then? Would a knowledge of Yoga help?
 
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