James Bonds Dad.

A gentle voice whispered 'Wakey, wakey!' and the Duty PO, Lamri shone his right angled torch with a 1000W halogen torch bulb and the contraption plugged into the ship's power supply, to the bleary eyes of Junior Steward Umberto Bond, as he lay in his warm bunk dreaming of daring do and trapping anything with nipples...

'C'mon Bond, me hearty, its your watch........' said Lamri, louder as Bertie Bond slipped back into sleep, and started dreaming.......
 
Update No.1

James Bonds' Dads Garden centre business has fallen upon hard times,
what with the Credit Crunch and all that. He has been reduced to spinning
dits in the local Chigwell Branch British Legion Club for the odd pint or two,
and the only time he and Mary have scran is when he wins the meat raffle.
His son, Jimmy - flew the nest and bought a franchise which, unfortunately
is not doing all that well (see below). The bottom is about to fall out of his
means of earning a crust and he is seriously thinking of following in his
fathers footsteps and joining up. Things come to a head when Knocker
Bond staggers home one afternoon after a particularly good dinner-time
sesh, and he discovers his beloved wife, Mary, being back-scuttled by the
man who delivers the bags of top-soil. The coffers are empty and Marys'
action is in lieu of actual payment. She has also "paid" the Garden Shed
man, the Ride-on Lawnmowers company rep, most of the staff and 3
pensioners employed to collect the trollies from around the Garden Centre
car park. Knocker - distraught and completely devastated starts to consume
even greater amounts of alcohol to numb the pain. Mary continues to
work off the families debts until her beef curtains resemble Chinese
Take-away dish cloths. Jimmy Bond, meanwhile is always coming
home chucking up of other peoples poo.

The Bond family is in meltdown.

What else could possibly go wrong?



.....quite a lot actually.
 
....briefly J/Stwd Bond woke, but Lamri had given up and stood in for Bond as he dreamt his next exciting adventure. In the next bunk AB Sean "The Sheep" Connery was sleeping off one to many quickies, when the famous author BillyNoMates (alias BigBadDog) suddenly had a bright idea, and put quill to paper.
 
thingy said:
....briefly J/Stwd Bond woke, but Lamri had given up and stood in for Bond as he dreamt his next exciting adventure. In the next bunk AB Sean "The Sheep" Connery was sleeping off one to many quickies, when the famous author BillyNoMates (alias BigBadDog) suddenly had a bright idea, and put quill to paper.

I can hear the Bond theme tune in the background now
 
The theme tune is 'life on an ocean wave' played by HM Band Royal Booties and the camera zooms onto AB "Shawn" Connerelly.... the sound of Shaun "Commoly" snoring the background is suddenly broken by Junior Bond's voice in his sleep, asking:

Mummy, will you tuck me in and read me a bedtime story.

And so the tale begins. BillyNoMates sits on the end of Bond's bunk, opens volume one of the Admiralty Manual of Navigation, between the nice scarlet covers of which is his new novella: The Garden Centre is Not Enough, the codeword to activate Operation Colonic-irrigation where our hero AB Jimmy Bond (alias Junior Bond also known as Chicogiz) saves Blighty from a sticky end and gets up-rated to Leading BarSteward (alias: Ordinary BarSteward) in recognition of his heroism.

Once upon a time.................
 
Thingy gasps at the BONDage between Stirling and Hig as they tell him to "shutterafukup".

He put his head down and waits with bated breath for the tale of daring do....
 

sgtpepperband

War Hero
Moderator
Book Reviewer
jesse said:
Great stuff. sean connelly was medically deischarged and receives a pension to this day. Anyone know what branch he was in?
...At sixteen, he enlisted in the Royal Navy. Like many young men in the Navy, he opted for a tattoo. However, unlike many tattoos, his were not frivolous - his tattoos reflect two of his lifelong commitments: his family and Scotland. After six decades, his tattoos still reflect those two ideas: One tattoo is a tribute to his parents and reads "Mum and Dad," and the other is self explanatory, "Scotland Forever."

After three years of Naval service, a long bout with a stomach ulcer shortened his "naval career"...
[Source]

To my knowledge he was a Dabber - a Gunner, I believe - although I heard he was discharged for other reasons, and nothing at all to do with a "stomach ulcer"... Perhaps you may have heard some rumours on the grapevine, Thingy?! :wink:
 

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